"Jennifer Ketcham is a writer and former pornstar who, upon shooting Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and Sober House in spring and summer of 2009 respectively, quit the adult business to pursue a healthier lifestyle.
She’s since appeared on Oprah, Tyra, The View, ET and Extra to discuss sex addiction, and her blog has been featured on Carson Daly. Ketcham also writes for The Huffington Post, Los Angeles, and recently finished a memoir published in July 2012 by Gallery Books. Jennie remains friends with Dr. Drew and other cast members from both shows. She grew up in the San Francisco Bay Area and now lives in Los Angeles with her pit bull Saucy and her cat Sensei."
"Porn is too easy of an answer for women and men who are desperate for the trifecta combo of money, attention, and love — even if the money received feels dirty, the attention, unhealthy and the love, contrived. I wish there were some handout they gave you that listed all the emotional issues you may come up against as a result of selling sex for money, and maybe a little pill that you could take right when you begin your porn career that would help you stay in touch with reality. But by the time people are ready to quit, most are so tired and wounded (or confused or numb or high or dead) it's nearly impossible to talk about it."
- Jennie Ketcham - Ex-Porn Performer and Director
(8 years in porn)
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ON THIS PAGE: Video interviews with Jennie, videos of Jennie on the shows Sex Rehab and Sober House, print interviews of Jennie about her life, pornography, and her book "I Am Jennie," reviews of Jennie's book and links to where it can be purchased, and articles, debate pieces and blog posts written by Jennie, including the outstanding "Why Would Montana Fishburne Want to Become a Porn Star?"
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VIDEO INTERVIEWS WITH JENNIE ABOUT HER BOOK, HER LIFE, AND HOW TO HEAL FROM SEX ADDICTION
Former adult star Jennifer Ketcham (aka Penny Flame) at one time entered “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew” because she thought it would boost her career in porn.
But as she quickly found out, it wasn’t going to be quite that easy.
Ketcham had a number of issues going into rehab – troubles with family, addictions, relationships and more. She lost her virginity at age 13 and began a game of “initiating” boys her age into manhood.
Dr. Drew and his staff insisted they call her by her real name. She eventually began to acknowledge her shortcomings and started to change her ways.
She has since written a book entitled “I Am Jennie.”
Ketcham told Dr. Drew Monday night, “[People are going to] read about a woman who thought that her life was over at 26 and who happened to meet some very wonderful people that helped her change everything in her life.”
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VIDEOS OF JENNIE'S JOURNEY ON TO SOBRIETY ON VH1'S SEX REHAB AND SOBER HOUSE
From the day I entered the adult business to the present moment, one question arises in every interview regarding pornography. "Why did you get in the business?" While I was participating in the creation of films, my answers were generally something along the lines of, "Well, I love sex so this makes sense!" Or, "I've always been comfortable with my sexuality, and this seems like a fun way to explore!" And as someone who has interviewed plenty of Porn Stars for my own productions, I've heard just about every answer there seems to be.
"It's empowering!"
"I needed the money."
"Porn is pretty mainstream, so I'm hoping to cross over one day."
After I left the business, my answers changed drastically, and thanks to intensive therapy, I'm now able to comprehend more fully why the adult industry became my industry. Superficial answer? Money. This is the answer most people seem to like because it's something we can all grasp. However, when you take this superficial answer out of the equation, as money is probably not a motivational factor behind Montana Fishburne's entry into the adult business, the question poses a great gaping hole in our society. Montana, her family and the people who interview her will run to throw answers in that hole, filling it to the brim to make sense of a seemingly senseless act.
But this isn't Montana's first go-round in the world of selling sex, the young Fishburne and her attention seeking behavior apparently got in some trouble in 2009 in Hollywood, and she was later charged with prostitution. And perhaps you are asking yourself the same question I've asked myself since leaving porn -- What is the difference between being a Porn Star and being a prostitute? Fundamentally, nothing. As a Porn Star, you sell sex for money the same you do as a prostitute. Emotionally? Socially? Theoretically? What are the bigger differences between pornography and prostitution, and what must a girl convince herself of, in order to be in either of these professions? I'm not quite sure about Montana, as I never interviewed her personally, but here are a few of the things I had to believe in order to be a successful Porn Star.
First Belief: Porn Stars are different than prostitutes because we pay taxes, it's on camera, in front of the world, and not in some dark scary alley. It's different because the person I am being paid to have sex with is being paid to have sex with me too. There are conventions that welcome me, such as the AVN Expo in Vegas, whereas there are no conventions (with fans) for prostitutes. Therefore, I am not a prostitute.
Second Belief: My participation in pornography doesn't hurt anybody, not even me.
Third Belief: My parents should be proud of me for being such a successful woman in this male-driven business.
Fourth Belief: Using my sexuality to obtain money, respect and success is empowering.
Fifth Belief: Doing this temporarily will take me somewhere better permanently.
When I quit, and started going to therapy, I had to deconstruct each of these beliefs, as they'd become so ingrained in my way of thinking they had taken over my way of living.
First Truth: There really is no difference between being a Porn Star and being a prostitute. One is a bit safer than the other and tested for STD's, but for the most part they are the same. In fact, the majority of Porn Stars sideline as prostitutes, or "Escorts," although they will deny it vehemently.
Second Truth: My participation in pornography, while accepted by my family (I was honest from the beginning), still broke the hearts of those who love me. My Mom and Dad had wanted more for me than selling sex. My little brother had to deal with kids at school who made fun of him because his sister was a whore. My little sister, who once looked up to me, thought I was taking the easy way out. And as mentioned, I've been in therapy for the past year and a half trying to rehabilitate myself from the damages both I, and my participation in pornography, caused. To say "selling sex for money won't harm you" is to say seismic activity today, won't cause tidal waves hundreds of miles away tomorrow.
Third Truth: My parents are proud of me no matter what I do. But they knew I could do more.
Fourth Truth: Using my sexuality to be financially stable, respected and successful is not empowering. It is manipulative and the same as sleeping with your boss to get a raise. I am a hustler and a master manipulator. Going back to school is empowering because I am creating a sustainable future with my mind, not my vagina.
Fifth Truth: Doing porn temporarily will dig you deeper down the pornographic hole. When and if women are lucky enough to climb out, they will need tons of therapy to understand why they choose to prostitute themselves for mere peanuts. And if they don't get that kind of help, it is my personal opinion they will be faced with challenges in their intimate and social lives, daily.
So there is a much bigger answer to a very small question, with many implications shrouded in gray. Perhaps Montana never figured out how to get positive attention from her Dad, and this is her go-to. Maybe she is just as manipulative as me, and her age and career choices prohibit her from recognizing her truths. Maybe she is trying to create her own path in the public eye, and is too afraid to follow in her Dad's mainstream footsteps -- as they are large shoes to fill. Whatever her current and probably superficial reasons behind getting into porn may be, one thing is guaranteed: There will be a day when this is not a viable career, and she will be left exposed, without the Chippy D persona, to find her own truths as Montana.
My departure from the adult business was fairly public. Thanks to Dr. Drew and reality television, I participated in a wide array of televised interviews about my decision to quit porn. From Oprah to Extra! and The View to Tyra, some of our best-known talk show hosts wanted answers to complex questions: Why did I get into porn? What made me quit? I did my best to answer honestly and thoughtfully, not just for myself, but also for my compatriots still in the business, and for all of the young women out there who are a lot like I was when I first disrobed in front of a camera as a part-time job in college. These questions are more relevant than ever today, with the ongoing proliferation of porn in our culture and the potential consequences of participating in porn, both physically and possibly emotionally. A recent Daily Beast feature even addressed the lighter version of this issue. The article discussed how difficult it is to prevent your daughter from morphing into the newest, shiniest feminine archetype: a prince-seeking Disney princess.
Of course, there was no way I could have explained my motivation to enter or exit porn in a 15-minute television interview, and I can't get to the bottom of it in an article meant to be read over morning coffee. Aside from the fact that, as humans, motivation is an intricate web of rationalizations tangled up with semi-truths and brain functions that can fill out a whole textbook, there are also a whole slew of cultural pressures that impacted my decision and affect young women today in ways that's difficult to distill and analyze. But here's what I can tell you:
I have put four years, a Bachelor's degree in psychology, and the beginning of a Master's in Social Work between my present self and my past porn career. In this time, and given the fact that I know quite a few girls who have left the biz, I feel like I now understand some of the contributing motivational factors related to getting in and out of the industry. I believe these can easily be applied to the majority of women performing in the adult business. If you are a parent, you might want to take notes, because this has more to do with you than you may wish to admit. In fact, these are the reasons why your daughter wants to be a porn star. (Just in case you're wondering, I fit numbers 2, 3, 6, 8, 9 and 10. And I loved Disney movies).
1. Because you loved her enough, but you didn't love her right. You weren't attuned to your daughter's emotional state as a child, and now, she has difficulty connecting intimately with other human beings. It's not that you meant to handicap her. You may even have a bit of a problem with authentic intimacy too, and it's probably an intergenerational issue, so look to your mom and dad for answers as to how the cycle started in the first place.
2. Because you were her friend, and not her parent (Hello Baby Boomers!). You never set solid parental boundaries, and you failed to teach her about her right to have her personal boundaries respected. Your permissive parenting led to her low self-esteem and crappy social skills. There are four major parenting styles, and I hate to tell you, this one is not the best.
- Part of the New York Times "Room for Debate" Series "Should Pornography Come Out of the Closet?"
- By Jennie Ketcham,November 11, 2012
While jobs like pornography (really any sex work, including prostitution or stripping) do offer immediate gratification of one’s need for attention and money, which might be interpreted as fun and rewarding, they aren’t exactly self-esteem builders. The emotional damage pornography causes to performers far outweighs any achievable financial gains or physical gratification.
Unless our culture can separate sex and intimacy, and performers have union protection, performing in porn will continue to be harmful.
Our society considers sex inherently sacred; we cannot separate sex and intimacy. But that is exactly what sex work attempts to achieve. Receiving money for sex lessens a performer’s intrinsic enjoyment of sex, and a ripple effect occurs throughout her life. Because she frequently repeats an inauthentic sexual experience, she begins conditioning herself. When valued only for sexual prowess and youth, she begins to believe the hype. Little Albert comes to fear rabbits. A performer becomes virtually incapable of experiencing authentic, intimate relationships; she bases her self-worth on sex, which reinforces the behavior. Relearning a healthy relationship to sex, others and money takes work.
Furthermore, what does the absence of a labor union imply about the industry? Labor unions protect the worker who may not otherwise be able to protect herself. Because performers lack the career longevity – and perhaps foresight – to unionize, it has taken lawmakers and a ballot initiative to create protection measures as seemingly self-evident as condom requirements. Why are performers’ careers so brief? In my experience, it’s because pornography takes a psychological toll. You get tired of feeling like and being a prostitute.
A retired performer often refrains from speaking out against pornography because acknowledging her participation threatens her new reputation and emotional well-being. Some, myself included, experience symptoms similar to those of post-traumatic stress disorder. Others have insisted they are fine. Many will continue to do so. But unless our culture can separate sex and intimacy, and performers have union protection, performing in porn will continue to be harmful.
I started writing my blog, Becoming Jennie, because I felt if I proclaimed my retirement, pride would forbid me from returning to that world of pop-shots and easy cash. What ended up happening was beyond any hope I could have ever had for myself. Aside from my girl-who-writes-words skills changing from f*#$ed up to readable and finding an incredible community of people who comment regularly and participate not only in my recovery but in their own, I was lucky enough to be seen by the right woman with the right connections. She saw something in me much bigger than I saw in myself. And like Daniel Kahneman says in his book, Thinking, Fast and Slow, sometimes success is just talent + luck. I lucked out in every sense of the word. And I've been lucky my entire life.
It was luck that landed me on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew and Sober House, and found me receiving pro bono therapy from Jill Vermeire and guidance from my mentor, Dr. Reef, after both shows. It was luck that allowed me the willingness to change everything about my life, and to have the majority of people in my life welcome that change. It was luck that inspired forgiveness in people like my dad, whom I'd excluded from my life for nearly 13 years, and ex-boyfriends that I'd cheated on with relentless fervor. Luck landed me my first job out of pornography, working as a hostess for $10/hr, with a wonderful boss and no judgment. And it was luck that brought the man I love into my life.
Then again, looking back, luck has been keeping me alive for many years. I was lucky that I didn't get HIV performing in pornography for eight years. Lucky that I wasn't kidnapped or (fill in the blank) on any of the countless blackout nights of my drinking career. Lucky that I graduated from high school and finished enough college credits so now that I'm back in school, I'm a senior and not totally overwhelmed. There are so many days and nights in my life where things could have gone terribly wrong, I can't help but think that this Lady Luck chick has been on my side for a long time. There was just an almost equally long time during which I wasn't on the right side with her.
The people in porn seem to be connecting the dots, but not because pornographers, performers, and agents are sounding the war cry and finally endorsing the widespread use of condoms. Had they caught onto the importance of condoms, safe sex and the seriousness of the STDs condoms usually prevent, the dots of which I speak may not have been syphilis' symptomatic rash.
Wait. Syphilis? Are people hanging out in French brothels circa 1490? Is this pre-1940s? What ever happened to using penicillin to stop syphilis? Is there really a syphilis outbreak that shut down some of the biggest porn sets in the valley?
The answer is an emphatic and horrified, "Yes." It's not because a naive performer caught it early in his new 28-day STD testing period and then accidentally allowed it to spread until a new test came back positive. It's because a performer forged test results, having known he came up positive for syphilis in July, and continued to infect the rest of the performers as well as anybody with which they crossed paths.
This is where I say a silent prayer and express gratitude that I am no longer a part of that business.
In an earlier HuffPo article, Steve Hirsch of Vivid, bless his heart, claimed that the porn industry is "self-regulated" and that using tax payer's money to enforce or regulate something like condom use is a waste. But then something like this happens and a big, obvious hole is poked in his self-regulation theory with a big, syphilis infected you-know-what.
See, the problem is bigger than the performers having sex within the industry. The problem is that some adult stars are escorts and have sex with men (and women) outside the business. For the right price, some may even be willing to take that "outside-the-industry condom" off, an option for many high-priced escorts. The problem then becomes that the men and women hiring escorts go home and have sex with their partners, significant others, insignificant others etc., etc. This is a community problem and the community is much bigger than the adult industry.
If condoms are required, then it will make the job more difficult for male performers to perform -- so they claim -- though with the advance of wonder drugs like Viagra and Cialis, I had yet to see a real struggle in maintaining a full-mast. Some viewers might be a little distracted by what should also, hopefully, resemble real life: an almost transparent condom covering someone's magical love stick. It may cause legitimate company sales to go down and the uploading of homemade porn to rise. Or, as has been ambiguously mentioned across media platforms, required condoms in pornography may "drive the industry underground." But there are some positives that may come from it too.
Porn might influence it's viewers in a radically healthy way by introducing the use of condoms, where if porn stars use them, well then shoot, we as a society might use them more too. It might spread the socially conscious idea of practicing safe sex, where it's actually kind of sexy to care about your immune system enough to wear a condom. And within the industry, there would be one last stand against morally inept performers who seem to have no qualms giving back what has been given to them.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the next time a performer fudges his or her STD test, it won't be for a disease penicillin can cure.
Why aren't more porn performers for Measure B? Does anybody else think it's strange that they don't want to wear condoms? Are Aurora Snow and Jenna Jameson really the only girls who said "Yes?" Why would it preferable to be sheathless with a partner who has potentially had sex with 10 to 50 different people within the required 30-day test window? Is it because of the company executives' and Free Speech Coalition's position on the issue, and does the issue require an all-or-none, for-us-or-against-us, united front to make porn seem like a cogent professional industry? Is it really about freedom of speech? My gut tells me that some performers are demanding to remain condom free because admitting that a condom would enhance the level of personal safety would simultaneously be admitting that not wearing a condom, and thus participation in the industry as a whole, is unsafe in practice.
In my Cal State Northridge social psychology class, we learned about Leon Festinger's cognitive dissonance theory, and though no expert, I am a firm believer that it is applicable here. The simplified concept poses that we cannot have two conflicting ideas at the same time because the conflict will cause discomfort and dissonance. My argument is that a porn performer cannot think, "This is unhealthy behavior," and then continue behaving that way because it will cause emotional and cognitive discord. A drug addict must hit rock bottom and realize continued abuse will most definitely kill him. An obese person must realize that the unhealthy lifestyle she lives and her relationship with food will inevitably lead to death. And while it may have randomly occurred to some porn performers that the business practices unsafe sex, others have had to catch serious diseases to realize that performing within the industry is not a healthy or safe occupation. Justifications and rationalizations could not squash the uncomfortable feelings anymore. Thoughts, attitude and behavior had to change.
If this is really a safe, self-regulated industry and the issue is solely based on freedom of speech and reduction of government waste, where are the thousands of men and women who were once performers, are now retired, and still believe that the industry is safe and self-regulated? Why aren't they using their right to free speech to stand up for the industry from which they came? Just another guess, but I'd say that if you are not performing -- or making money off those who do -- you probably don't want to relive that part of your history because the concept of who you once were clashes with the concept of who you are today. What's more, if you're a mere viewer and adamantly against performers wearing condoms, citing that participation in the adult industry is totally safe and self-regulated, yet you have no actual experience in or intimate relationships with those in the industry, you too would be led to experience cognitive dissonance if you were to entertain any other ideas and not change your behavior. If you believe that the people you are masturbating to are not actually having fun, or that they are hurt by participating or have feelings that aren't congruent with the images that help you to ejaculate, you will no longer be able to masturbate to them.
I once attempted to enforce my own condom rule. It was with a man who had performed in scenes I found to be less safe than my own style of performing -- but I had been rationalizing the safety of my scene choice for as long as I'd been in the business. I drew an imaginary line between scenes I chose to do and scenes I would convince myself were less safe than mine. The truth is neither scene is what one would consider "safe," because both scenes involved unprotected sex with people paid to have unprotected sex. I was unable to see that at the time because I was performing in unsafe, unprotected sex scenes. A 30-day test is a joke if he or she has potentially had sex with 10 to 50 people. But drawing that line made me feel like what I was doing was more safe and thus, inherently better. As long as I could rationalize my own behavior, and ignore contradictory opinions and facts about the dangers of my occupation, I could continue working.
This is not a competency issue, nor is it an issue of intellectual prowess. I am not arguing that performers are somehow less thoughtful than the average person, or comparing performers in this chosen profession and those struggling with drug addiction or obesity. I am simply stating that once a person admits, to his or her innermost self, that the behavior in which they are participating is apt to kill them, thoughts, attitude and behavior must change for that person to continue living a happy and peaceful life.
It was after another rough night that I caught a glimpse of my naked body in the mirror. As I did so, I realized that I’d been avoiding looking at myself naked since I got out of rehab and porn. I’d avoided looking at my face in the mirror or making eye contact with myself, and suddenly I realized why I’d quit spending hours in front of my reflection, as I’d once done when I was getting ready for porn shoots.
I was so afraid that I wouldn’t recognize the person looking back at me. But in the very moment that I finally dared to look at myself, I knew who the naked girl in the mirror was, with her emotions as much of a tangled and confusing mess as her hair was right now. Even if I didn’t understand every part of that girl in the mirror, at least I knew her name.
I knew what she stood for. I was starting to know her boundaries. I put my hands on the counter and pressed my nose to the mirror. When my breath fogged up the glass, I closed my eyes and whispered three words that were just for myself.
I am a recovering alcoholic, addict and obsessive-compulsive woman of 29. I came to the rooms of recovery three years ago to work out my problems with sex addiction and figured if I was the perfect student, I could someday return to the bottle with grace and integrity. The program taught me to be a woman of grace and integrity without the bottle but as any good alcoholic will say, to drink normally is the great obsession. I did more than obsess. In fact, I methodically (and neurotically) planned it all out.
I didn’t plan my return to drinking in the fantastical, champagne-in-Paris-under-the-Eiffel-Tower kind of way that I’ve heard many a woman bemoan will never be her future. I didn’t plan where the first drink would be, at what time, under what conditions etc., though I did discuss the importance of being with people I trusted when drinking. I talked it over with my therapist, boyfriend, psychiatrist, friends, parents, and most of all, I discussed it with my sponsor.
I talked about drinking for a good two months before I had a drink. I felt that the more responsible I could be in returning to the drink, the more responsible I would be when drinking. As a skilled rationalizer and justifier, I made my way out of the beverage program and continued in the intimacy program, always reminding myself to “practice the principles” in all my affairs. Needless to say, the principles went out the window and the only thing I was practicing was shame after yet-another-blackout.
I worked a solid program regarding sex addiction, cocaine and marijuana but I held back when it came to alcohol, saying, “I am powerless over my sexually compulsive behavior, cocaine and pot and my life has become unmanageable. But one day, when I learn to like myself again, I will drink Manhattans like a lady.” I convinced myself that abusing alcohol was a result of selling my body and not a symptom of alcoholism. The truth is that the treasure chest of addiction is all embracing, and anything that will give me a head change will be something I come to abuse. For me, I found that First Step was the doozy it’s claimed to be, and even though I worked the other 11, the program didn’t mean a thing if I continued to dance around what powerlessness and manageability were really about.
Wikipedia says the word “doozy” means something “excellent or powerful.” I had no idea what it meant to be “powerful” unless it was in regard to false and unsustainable feelings of power. I hated the idea of being powerless because it was equivalent to being weak.
Unmanageability was for losers who couldn’t keep their shit together and neither of these abstractions were relatable until I started drinking again. It turns out that regardless of whether I sell my body, I am powerless over my actions after I take that first drink, and that includes my ability to say, “No” to another drink. Regardless of whether I can pay my rent, put gas in my car or make it to work on time, I am not the great life manager I once assumed myself to be. The First Step of the program wasn’t designed to make me feel like a weak loser. It was designed to remind me I am a human among other humans, a perfectly imperfect creature trying to connect with other perfectly imperfect creatures.
So, the quote didn’t originate in anonymous rooms. So, it wasn’t in reference to self-help programs combating alcoholism, drug addiction, sex addiction, eating addictions, body dysmorphia, OCD, etc., etc. When I hear, “The First Step is a doozy,” it means something different than when I first came into recovery. Now, it means the first step I take in regaining my power and my life is to admit that when it comes to (everything) I have no power at all. All I can do is ask for help, and be open to the suggestions that will come my way. Managing to ask for help required more power than anything I’ve ever done. Sometimes, it’s good to start from the beginning.
In April 2009, a young woman stood in front of the Pasadena Recovery Center in California. Superficially, she was there to attend rehab for sex addiction. In reality, her motives were far different — tied to the cameras that followed her every step.
She was known by fans and co-workers as Penny Flame. She’d appeared in more than 200 adult movies since her career began at the age of 18. No matter what her appearance here would lead some to believe, she had no intention of leaving that life — much less her identity — behind. Flame was beginning “treatment” because it was part of a reality show, “Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew.” Think of all the publicity a regular role on VH1 could generate! It might even be enough to get her struggling webcam business off the ground, she hoped.
Things didn’t quite work out that way.
“Quickly, I realized that without alcohol, pot or sex, I had no identity, and that was kind of terrifying. It’s scary to wake up at 26 and not know how to respond to being called your real name — I’d been using an alias my entire adult life, and Dr. Drew Pinsky and his staff refused to perpetuate the fantasy world in which I lived. Thank God.”
Jennie Ketcham. That’s her name, now, as it was before “Penny Flame” ever existed. A short time into her stay at Pasadena, things changed. Her goals changed. She changed. By the time she left rehab, Ketcham had decided to radically alter her life. She would stop doing porn. No more drugs. Penny Flame, whoever she had been, was a thing of the past. All that remained was Jennie. Whoever she would be.
In an effort to explain, chronicle and aid her transition, she began to write about her life in a blog named “Becoming Jennie.” It was there — among the thousands of words, thoughts, reflections and emotions she shared with her loyal readers — that Ketcham’s unique and fascinating voice as a writer began to come to the forefront.
“I had always kept a blog but never kept an honest one about my feelings,” Ketcham said in an interview with Toledo Free Press Star. “I was also so out of touch with those feelings, and the voice with which to describe them and experience them, I felt safe behind the gossamer veil that is Internet blogging. But once word got out into the porn world that I’d left, the blog’s popularity boomed and the rest is history.”
During the past few years, her site has become an exhaustive and emotional look at the many changes in Ketcham’s life. The world of adult films is, indeed, in her past. She now works as a hostess at a Pan-Asian restaurant. She’s attending college. And — most importantly — she’s becoming happy with who she is.
As Ketcham has grown, so too have her writing skills. Now, all facets of her personal evolution come to the forefront with the release of “I Am Jennie,” a new memoir released July 10.
“I had always wanted to write a book, and to be a ‘writer,’ but until I realized the most valuable part of my body was between my ears, actually writing a book seemed like a pipe dream. So I started ‘Becoming Jennie’ when I left adult [films], and Dr. Drew and one of his writer friends, a wonderful woman named Jill Stearn, approached me about it. Jill introduced me to an agent, who introduced me to the woman who would become my agent, Terra Chalberg, and bammo,” Ketcham said.
“More than anything, it took people believing in me. Perhaps that sounds silly, but it wasn’t until people who had written books said, ‘I think you can and should do this,’ that I started to believe I could.”
“I Am Jennie” is an engrossing chronicle of Ketcham’s life, the narrative divided between her time before and during her pornography career, and her new life. It also follows Ketcham’s attempts to trace her emotional struggles — sexual and otherwise — to their source.
“All of these destructive behaviors, the promiscuity, the drug and alcohol abuse, the self-sabotaging of relationships and compulsive cheating, it’s all inextricably linked to rape trauma and addiction. I feel like I’m in trouble if I start to pick it apart, as if one will exist without the other, thereby excusing me from the comprehensive treasure chest of addiction,” she said.
“I think pornography probably saved my life for a while. It gave me a relatively safe place to numb out and provided the financial means to continue living. But, like any addiction, it only works for so long before you hit a bottom and have to change everything.”
Still, in those early days after rehab, Ketcham hadn’t planned to completely sever ties with the adult world.” I was afraid of being shunned by friends I knew in the industry, so much so that even though I was walking away from it, I didn’t want ‘it’ to walk away from me,” Ketcham said.
“It’s taken the past three years to honestly say that participating in the industry — though paradoxically I just claimed it ‘saved me’ for a while — was probably one of the most harmful and damaging things I could have done, both to my body and mind. It perpetuates the myth that women are only good for sex, that youth is the only valuable age, that two-dimensional people are something to aspire to, and that meaningless and violent sex (in this American culture) is ‘just having fun’ …
“Do I regret it? Wish to shut the door on it and never look back? No, it’s good for me to remember from where I came. Would I ever go back? Advise a girlfriend, daughter or sister to do a few scenes for some ‘quick, easy cash?’ Not a f****** chance.”
Jennie Ketcham, former porn star and current CSUN psychology major, dispelled myths about the porn industry providing actors an endlessly glamorous lifestyle during the lecture “Porn’s Glass Ceiling: An Illusionary Wage Gap,” in the USU Tuesday.
After a lucrative eight year run as an award-winning porn actress, Kecham gave up drugs and alcohol and realized she could not continue the job while sober.
“I thought it would validate me, so I did nude modeling, the gateway drug to hard core porn. I didn’t realize that validation can come from inside,” said Ketcham, author of “I Am Jennie.” “Nothing about what I did gave me skills to live in the real world.”
Ketcham said “average females” are porn stars that are not in high demand. They are very easily replaceable and their careers often do not last longer than a year. She estimated that they can make about $88,000 a year doing two scenes a week or 162 a year. The “average male,” whose careers have more longevity at an average of five years, can make comparable income but must perform about four scenes a week.
“Exceptional females,” or those in very high demand, can make their careers last closer to 10 years at $249,600 a year, doing about four a week or 192 a year. “Exceptional males,” who can make their careers last the longest at 15 years, will make slightly more, about $268,800 a year, but have to perform almost every day at about 336 scenes a year.
Exact numbers are hard to find because of how closed off the industry tries to be, but estimates were based off figures she came across when working as a director, she said.
“Porn is the greatest myth of the entertainment business because no one knows about it,” Ketcham said. “I knew if I spoke out I would be blacklisted and it would take away that temptation, I couldn’t go back – it’s like erasing your drug dealers phone number.”
At high rates and a fast turn around, Ketcham said the glass ceiling for the porn industry is that performers have to give up more to make more, all together making it an unsustainable career.
“I have a friend that has been in the business for seven years and just did her first anal scene for $10,000,” Ketcham said.
“Tomorrow it will go back to the regular rate of $1,300 and now that people expect it, they want you to do it now.”
Whatever reasons people have for getting into the industry, decisions start with the discrepancy between who they really are and who they ideally want to be, Ketcham said. “When I was young I didn’t know where I fit in. I didn’t know my role in family or my family’s role in society (and) I felt muddled and confused,” she said.
Although many people blame linear causality, saying it is their family or societies fault that they joined the industry, Ketcham does not subscribe to this theory. She said circular causality, thinking she needed the money to support her drug habits and constantly buy more drugs, was closer to the truth.
The real reason, however, is equafinality, meaning that there are several reasons that people make decisions and they often lead back to feeling the need to match others expectations of themselves, she said.
“We are never above sweeping floors to get into a company. I’m not above making coffee to get into the world I want to be in,” Ketcham said. “If you feel entitled you are going to feel pissed off for a long time. You will feel so distracted by the things you feel are being done to you that you cannot do things for yourself.”
Jennie Ketcham, ex-adult film star, current CSUN student
and author, discussed the industry during a lecture,
Tuesday, March 12, 2013. The chart above shows the number
of men and women signed to various modeling agencies.
Formerly known as Penny Flame, California native Jennie Ketcham spent her young adult years grinding as one of porn's preeminent girls next door. Despite sporadic complications with cocaine and a degenerate self-image, by age 25 the five-time Adult Video News Award winner had a beach-side condo and a big-body Benz, and was even mentoring young starlets. The mirage of her glamorous but toxic lifestyle vanished soon after she arrived on the set of Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew. Though Ketcham's sole intention was to fan her Flame, the show's mandatory therapy inspired her to sober up and quit the industry. I asked the first-time author (of the memoir I Am Jennie, from Gallery Books/Simon & Schuster) about rehabilitation, and about how writing one book compares to starring in hundreds of films and a VH1 reality show.
LAST TIME I SAW YOU WAS YEARS AGO AT HARVARD, WHERE YOU WERE SCHOOLING A GAGGLE OF UNDERGRADS ON THE INS AND OUTS OF THE ADULT MOVIE BUSINESS. WHAT ARE YOU UP TO RIGHT NOW?
At the moment, my friend's son was just christened, so I drove up there to the Bay Area to support the family. That's an average Sunday for me these days. Talk about a fucking change.
HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN SINCE YOU LEFT THE PORN INDUSTRY, AND WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO SINCE?
It's been almost three and a half years since I left, and for most of that time I've been working as a hostess at a pan-Asian restaurant. It's incredibly glamorous. Really though, it's a totally humbling job, and I'm still just getting reacquainted with minimum wage and learning how to live on that. When I sold the book, I talked to my boss and took six months off to really dive into it. Oh — and I'm also going to school full-time at Cal-State Northridge to study psychology, but I'm on summer break right from that right now.
DO PEOPLE ACCEPT YOUR PAST IN THESE NEW SPACES?
It was all very awkward and uncomfortable to learn how to talk with people in the real world about things that don't revolve around sex. I didn't feel the need to tell everyone about my past, though, since it wasn't like they would know me anyway. It's not like I'm some majorly famous person — even if they did know me, they weren't going to say it. So it turned out to be a challenging experience for me to keep my mouth shut and let people form their own opinions about who I am. ...
SO IS YOUR GOAL TO BE A FULL-TIME SCRIBBLER NOW?
It would be amazing to put food on the table with books, but whether or not I'm paid to do this, I plan to keep writing. Of course I would love to be able to live entirely on words — it would be amazing. The only thing is that I'm really afraid to put all of my eggs in one basket again — especially considering how the last basket turned out.
Jennifer Ketcham: Very few girls actually receive contracts. I think Wicked, Adam and Eve and perhaps New Sensations are the only three companies that still have “contract girls.” Vivid just let that model go as it just doesn’t make sense financially. Contracts usually require a girl to do a certain number of scenes in a certain number of films, and they receive monthly or bimonthly paychecks. Contracts will also require a girl to make a certain number of appearances (either at conventions, parties or video signings etc.) I think the highest paying contract I’ve ever “heard” of (and I say heard because there is always the tendency to increase the monies paid when it’s that competitive “I make more than you do” deal) is around 120k/yr. Most contracts fall between 50-80k/yr. Contract girls make their “real” money by feature dancing (being a headliner at strip clubs) or escorting which is a HUGE business within the business. Visually, the contracts look just like any contract. Legal jargon, things the girls reading it can’t understand. ...
Jennifer Ketcham: It’s a constant game of “one upping.” That is, Girl A is willing to do an anal scene for $1,200. Girl B is willing to do the same anal scene for $1,000. Guess who is going to get the job? Unless the Girl A is just a dime piece, a total baby that has never done any scene like this before, Girl B is going to get the job. Turnover is always highest at the bottom, and unfortunately, porn stars are disposable. I don’t mean that in a “this girl is worth nothing as a human being” kind of way. But from the eyes of a producer, director, or CEO, they don’t care who does the scene, they just want costs as low as possible. So as I mentioned, unless Girl A has something incredible that Girl B doesn’t, for example, say Girl A has been in the business for years and has only done vaginal work whereas Girl B does anal scenes every other day, Girl B will get the job. This kind of “one upping” leads to a lot of the circus act scenes you see. You get a group of girls together, talking about what they are willing to do on camera, and it turns into a race to see who can outdo the next. Kind of overwhelming and sad when I think about it now, being nearly two years out of the mess, but just an ordinary Tuesday in the life of a porn star when you’re in the middle of it. ...
Jennifer Ketcham: Twenty years ago we didn’t have this plethora of women willing to perform sexual acts on video. I think growth of the pornography industry is very closely related to sites like YouTube and Facebook which, in my opinion, promote the “everybody is a celebrity” mentality. For example: YouTube, which got its start around Nov 2005, quickly gained popularity, and by April 2006 was boasting 100 million videos uploaded each day. YouPorn quickly followed in August 2006 and soon boasted over 15 million new users each month. I think when being a celebrity, even on the small scale that YouTube first provided (and now is a completely legitimate way to become “famous”) became accessible, so did being a porn star. Porn movies were originally very limited and very difficult to be a part of. Paul Thomas (mentioned above) had been in porn since the 70′s and has told me great stories about the underground style shoots they once were, very similar to the underground rave scene where there are no permits and you move from location to location to get it done. Now, with the advance of gonzo style filming, which Prof. Jensen spoke of briefly, pornography has become the “people’s” sex videos. It’s much cheaper to film a gonzo video, much easier to market (very cut and paste in terms of ad placement, style, logo etc), and much easier to distribute. Those who like feature length films are much more likely to enjoy “owning” a DVD. However, gonzo can be distributed to the masses. And the masses can create their own gonzo films. So now, you are encouraged to visit someone’s YouTube channel, their YouPorn vids, their Facebook (mini-shrine to the self) and, of course, you can Internet stalk them on Twitter. ...
Copygrounds: What do you think about the new wave of homemade amateur porn which is so popular online? Do you think it can be a good thing for couples to explore their own sexuality by using a webcam to broadcast themselves over the Internet?
Jennifer Ketcham: I kind of answered this above, although I didn’t touch on what it means to broadcast one’s personal relationship online. What is interesting to me is that broadcasting your private sex life can be considered “intimate” and a way of “exploring your sexuality.” Perhaps I’m just too entrenched in therapy, but intimacy for me is not something I wish to share with the masses, at least sexual intimacy anyway. Not anymore. But what I did share as an adult film star was not intimate in any sense of the word. In fact, most of it completely lacked what I would now consider intimacy.
The presence of a camera seems to change a person’s ability to present an authentic self. Get out a camera at the next party you go to and start filming people~ do they behave more wildly? Do the girls put on super sexy faces and poses they had not been using before the camera appeared? I know for me a camera means someone else is watching, someone I don’t know, and I must be on guard. In terms of intimacy? I don’t know…. there is no way I could tape myself with my current boyfriend. It would take me out of the present moment and put me in the whirl of the camera’s machinery. Is the lighting okay? Does my ass look fat? How close is it zoomed? It’s hard enough to be present as is, to not be caught up in something happening somewhere else than between these sheets, a camera would really throw me off. However, I may be a bit biased because of my past experience.
I could see using sex-ed videos as a healthy way to explore sexuality, but I don’t really think filming yourself and then broadcasting for millions will show you anything more about your sexuality than you could discover in bed. Unless of course, you are looking for comments or suggestions. In which case, you are better off asking your partner.
Copygrounds: Jennie, what sort of background do most of the women in the industry seem to have in general? Was there a common history that they shared in their life stories, or did you find a wide variety of reasons for different women coming to the industry?
Jennifer Ketcham: This is a tricky question, the background question, because it wasn’t something that really came up “at work.” This will take a little bit of explaining.
99.9% of people in the adult industry use stage names. That means, you only know their real name when you look at their AIM test (Adult Industry Medical test showing recent STD test results.) You check to see the name matches the one on the drivers license, you check to see it’s all negatives, and then you forget that person exists so you can fuck who they are presenting “on stage.”
When I quit the business, I went through my phone and deleted each and every stage name. I deleted every pseudonym whose real name I did not know. My contact book went from 600+ to 100, mostly non-porn related people. That last 100 has dwindled, and it took erasing those names to understand I didn’t know anything about my fellow performers. I also didn’t know anything about myself, because I had been living under a fake name too. So here is the honest to God truth, ugly and horrific as it may be.
I’ve had sex with a ton of people whose names I don’t know. I know their fake names, but I don’t know where they came from, what their parent’s called them, what their dreams were, and what worried them as they went to sleep at night. I knew nothing of the community I so vehemently protected and produced for. I only knew that they were “horny” and always down to “fuck.” The audience doesn’t want to know more, so performers get in the habit of not giving more. Whether it is because they are saving it for home, where real intimacy can exist freely, or whether it is because they were incapable of giving that authentic honest self entirely, I’ll never know.
Copygrounds: Do any of the larger porn companies provide their performers with health insurance? How bad is the spread of disease in the industry?
Jennifer Ketcham: It’s possible that any of those three I mentioned in the contract question would provide health insurance for their contract girls, but I kind of doubt it. When I was a contract director for “Shane’s World,” I had health care but the owners of that company were parents and very compassionate. It is indeed a rare thing that any girl in the business has insurance. But most performers in the industry think of STD’s as a cold. A “pussy cold” is commonly referred to, in terms of gonorrhea, where your vagina gets the sniffles. Gross.
Copygrounds: Does working in the business make it difficult to maintain relationships in your personal life whether romantic, familial, or platonic?
Jennifer Ketcham: Relationships. My history with maintaining and sustaining relationships is not very good. In fact, I’ve been quite the saboteur of most relationships–cheating, lying, and being an all around bad girlfriend. Before quitting the business, I had only two “platonic” relationships. The rest were sexual. Romantic, I lacked, because if they were not in the industry there always came a point where the boyfriend wanted more, (or for me to be in the industry less), or if they are in the industry, they understand why I’m never in the mood to have sex. I didn’t connect intimacy with sex and so my romantic relationships generally suffered. Sex was for work. Intimacy meant spending time with someone I didn’t need to fuck to be around. Most people I felt obligated to have sex with because most people called me Penny. Only my family and a few close friends (who had no part in the business) called me Jennie. So, under the guise of being Penny, I couldn’t function in an intimate relationship. Family relationships were fine, all except my father- we’d been estranged since my parent’s divorce when I was 14- and once I started to rebuild a relationship with my father, I began my exit from the adult industry.
I don’t see how anyone, living under two names, can maintain romantic or platonic relationships, especially when they are selling sex and (the illusion of) intimacy for money. If this very precious thing is for sale then what would make them want to give it away for simple (and beautiful) intrinsic pleasure when all they associate this preciousness with is dollar signs?
Since leaving the industry, however, all this became very clear. I would never have made this statement were I still living under the pseudonym Penny, because I needed to believe that it was all fine in order to continue performing. It’s very much like a cult, you justify one little thing, which can lead to justifying the next, and the next and so on and so on. You don’t enter the business and say “I’m going to shut off my ability to connect intimately with people in such a way it takes years of therapy to undo.” You say, “I’m going to take a few nude pictures and post them and see if I can get any hits.” It goes on from there.
I also never realized how much my participation in the business hurt the people around me. But then again, I was very selfish in thinking what I did only affected me. I never gave a thought to how my younger sister or brother would have to deal with kids at school saying their oldest sister is a whore. I never gave thought to how my mother would explain my surplus of cash to her friends. And I didn’t have my dad in my life, so I certainly didn’t care what it caused him to feel. It’s a very isolated existence, being a living porn star, because chances are, someone you love will not love you selling yourself.
Can you talk about your decision to leave porn and go on Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew?
I decided to go to rehab [in 2009] because I thought it would really help my porn career. The way that porn works is you have to always be willing to give up more — you start with girls, and then you have to do guys, and then anal. It's a progressive thing. Once you've done everything you're willing to do, there's nowhere else for you to go in porn. You can go into the business side, or you can escort, or you can go into stripping. I wanted to go into the business side, and I thought Sex Rehab would be a great promotional tool for me. But once I checked into rehab and couldn't use sex or drugs or men or women or anything to numb myself, I realized I didn't have the coping skills a woman of 26 should have. It was time to make some changes. And with all the feelings that started to come up during rehab it was obvious that porn wasn't an option anymore.
What kind of feelings?
The awareness that I'd been using people and drugs and the industry as a means of numbing myself. The awareness that I had no marketable job skills at 26 — that was horrifying. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in porn. A lot of women in the business say they're going to do this for a few years, and it's going to get them to x or y or z. It's always a means to something else. But it became really obvious when I was in rehab that I didn't have anything else.
What was your recovery from sex addiction like? I understand you were abstinent for a period of time, but you aren't anymore.
It's just as unhealthy to go on not having sex forever as it is to have sex the way I was. So I define my sobriety around things that were unhealthy for me, like using my body to get things I wanted from men and women. My wardrobe changed dramatically in sobriety, from skirts that looked like belts to Gap jeans. I learned to have conversations that weren't based around sex — asking people how they are, asking how I could be of service to them, and not in a sexual way, but just how can I help you make your life better today? I have been in a relationship since November 2009 — we made it official in the beginning of 2010 — and a big part of being in a healthy relationship for me is communicating. It's really difficult because I have to be really open and vulnerable and honest, and a lot of times I have difficulty being honest with myself, let alone another human being. We don't have any secrets from each other, and secrets were a big part of my old life.
When you met, did he know you'd been in porn?
The first night I met him, we were at a party and I was trying to flirt with him. I didn't know how to flirt because I'm not good at flirting before I've had sex with somebody. I was talking about the weather or something, and [director] Duncan Roy came over and said, "She's one of the biggest porn stars in the world." But [my boyfriend] just said that everybody's got a past, and it's good that it's behind you and you're taking steps to get past it. He's had his own journey and things he's struggled through too — not porn or selling sex, but other obstacles he's overcome.
Why did you decide to write the book?
I was inspired after I started my blog, Becoming Jennie. More than anything I started the blog so I wouldn't be tempted to go back to porn. Then I got such a positive response to that from people who had seen my videos and people in the industry, and somebody approached me and said, "You should really write a book about all this." That person was someone who had the resources to help me do so. I didn't have the confidence to take that kind of thing on when I started blogging, but with support I could do it.
What do you think of discussions in the past few years about whether sex addiction is real?
It's understandable that there are a lot of questions about sex addiction, especially because sex is something that's paramount to our nature. We have to have sex. And in America you're either virtuous and a virgin or you're a total whore. It's hard to talk about what healthy sexuality is because it's difficult to talk about sex at all. So unfortunately the exposure sex addiction does get is related to cases like Tiger Woods and David Duchovny. Whether they are sex addicts is up to them. I think what's good about that kind of exposure is people who are struggling with their sexual behavior, whether they identify it as an addiction or not, know that there are places they can go and people that can help you. I know that for me, the behaviors of sex addiction are absolutely parallel with alcoholism.
How common would you say addiction of some form is in the porn world?
I think it's probably very common. I don't think women would end up in porn for as long as they do if they weren't chasing something else. Women can make $15,000 a month, and that's plenty of money to live on. And you start looking into girls' finances and talking to people at agencies, and it's like, these girls can't pay their fucking bills. I don't know if it's drug addiction or some other financial ruin behind it, but it's pretty prevalent. But it's not talked about, because a lot of things aren't talked about. You don't know people's names, you just know if they have a clean bill of health and if they're willing to sign a W-2 to take it up the ass.
Memoirist Jennie Ketcham talks to Rachel Kramer Bussel about her past as pornography actress Penny Flame and how she was able to quit the business.
- By Rachel Kramer Bussel
To escape the chaos of her divorced family and feelings of neglect, Jennie Ketcham started having sex as a teenager. The high she got from male attention led to posing nude and then building a career as award-winning porn star Penny Flame. Behind that persona, though, the real Jennie was hurting, lonely and self-medicating with sex, drugs, and alcohol, and she chronicles all of this in her memoir I Am Jennie and on her blog Becoming Jennie. Here, she tells about her sex-addiction-recovery process, surviving rape, and how she feels about the porn industry now.
Was there a specific moment during shooting Sex Rehab with Dr. Drew that it clicked for you that it was real and you embraced being a sex addict? How did you know that you had to quit porn as a result?
I don't know that I'll ever "embrace" being a sex addict. I think that's probably one of the most difficult things about addiction; I must reaffirm that I am an addict all the time. No matter how much I know it's true, there will come a day where I think, Well ... maybe not. The day I knew I had to quit porn was when we started talking about checking out of the Pasadena Recovery Center. I'd been ensconced in this wonderfully safe rehab bubble—no phone, no Internet, no rent, no closet filled with vibrators or talk of real life. Once we started discussing what we would need to do "on the outside" to stay sober, it was a little bit of a white light moment. I remember thinking, I don't know what I'm going to do, but I know I can't do porn anymore.
Your recovery process for sex addiction included not masturbating, and making a masturbation trigger list. Why was that one of your rules?
It's about engaging in healthy sexual behaviors and learning how to love and exist in an intimate relationship with another human being. Because I used masturbation as a way to escape healthy, intimate relationships, it was important to take a break from it so I could work on my ability to be close to people. Like any addict, there are certain triggers that make a person want to use. It's the same with using masturbation to escape (or get "high"). Certain things make me want to disconnect. If I can identify these things, and learn how to deal with them constructively, my recovery will progress. If I can't, then I'll feel like I got hit by a truck every time one of them comes along.
How are the addictions you faced related to each other?
The disease of addiction is like a giant treasure chest of pirate's booty. You think all you have is gold doubloons, but once you take those out of the chest, there are a few rubies and maybe a necklace. Sometimes you dig deep and there are some super sparkly diamond rings too. But all that fancy distracting shit is in the same chest. At first, I cut the drinking and drugs out of my life entirely because I knew if I started drinking, it would be far too easy to say "just one more quick scene." A year and a half into it, I started drinking alcohol again because I didn't believe that alcohol was the primary problem. It turns out that it doesn't matter if there is a primary problem. What matters is that I'm suffering from the disease of addiction, and as long as I am taking things that have a physiological effect on my body and mind, I am cutting myself off from my feelings. I don't need any help shutting off or disconnecting from the people whom I love. So alcohol is out of the question again. Fortunately, drugs never came back into my life.
You mention your damaged relationships with female friends, "choosing men and c*ck over them," as a byproduct of your sex addiction. How have you worked on changing that?
I've probably found the most healing from working on my ability to connect with women. In the beginning, I would actually pray each night that female friends would come into my life. Upon the suggestion of a mentor, I quit taking guys' numbers and would only put females' numbers in my phone. I started to make an effort to be emotionally available to the women I met at work, in 12-step meetings, yoga, etc.
Because I used masturbation as a way to escape healthy, intimate relationships, it was important to take a break from it so I could work on my ability to be close to people.
Along the same lines, what advice would you give someone whose partner (or potential partner) is struggling with or has struggled with being a sex addict?
If your partner is struggling with sex addiction, it's important to remember that there is nothing you have or haven't done that has caused it. There are resources available to you as well as him (or her). It's important for your own health to reach out for your own support. You need and deserve it. Just make sure you have a safety net. That goes for any addict, not just sex.
What was the biggest challenge in shedding the Penny Flame persona and embracing Jennie as your identity?
Probably letting go of the idea that everyone knew me as Penny Flame. That turns out to be a crazy generalization. There are plenty of people in the world who have never encountered Penny or Jennie, thank goodness. It's insane for me to immediately assume that anyone I meet knows what I once did for a living, or that they will only be able to see me as Penny (although those people do exist). It's the same as thinking every person I run across knows what I ate for breakfast or the color of my underwear. That's all ego, thinking that Penny Flame was so superfamous that I'd never be able to escape her.
Some people would say that all porn stars are sex addicts; how do you respond to that?
Some people would also like to say that all porn stars have been abused as children, raped, are drug addicts. Though I can't say I knew many sober or sexually "responsible" porn stars in my eight years of adult, I also can't say that they all use sex in the same way I did. I don't think it's safe to generalize about any industry or the people therein.
You write that some of your porn industry friends told you they wished they could quit too but were tied to porn financially. What advice would you have to someone in that situation?
I would say the same to anyone who wishes to make life changes that involve financial and emotional risk: You can do anything you want if you are prepared to do whatever it takes. I was fortunate enough to have a little nest egg, but my first paycheck back in the real world was totally shocking. I would suggest reaching out to other people who have left for guidance (we are fairly easy to find), building the necessary network of familial/therapeutic/group support, and making verbal and public commitments to quitting. I found the more public I was about leaving the industry, the more unlikely it became that I would return. I guess there's one good thing about my giant ego—it wouldn't permit me to go back once I said I was gone.
Do you feel the porn industry is too easy a lure for people who are sex addicts?
I don't think the porn industry is too easy of a lure for people who are sex addicts because for a sex addict, it could be obsessing over a girl at a coffee shop, strip clubs, beaches, a guy who smiled two seconds longer than you expected. I do, however, think that porn is too easy of an answer for women and men who are desperate for the trifecta combo of money, attention, and love—even if the money received feels dirty, the attention, unhealthy and the love, contrived. I wish there were some handout they gave you that listed all the emotional issues you may come up against as a result of selling sex for money, and maybe a little pill that you could take right when you begin your porn career that would help you stay in touch with reality. But by the time people are ready to quit, most are so tired and wounded (or confused or numb or high or dead) it's nearly impossible to talk about it.
You're starting a nonprofit organization called Surviving Rape. Can you tell us more about how it will work and why this was so important for you?
If you are a person with any sort of sexual history, finding emotional healing after being raped is sort of a hat trick. You can't really take a person to court unless you are willing to have your history put on the stand (mine, fortunately, is Google-able). And even then, some people don't find healing in putting their rapist in jail. It was important for me to address the lack of healing solutions available to rape victims because as a rape victim who can never send her perpetrators to jail, I understand just how difficult that healing process is. I had been working on Surviving Rape for two months before it became glaringly obvious that I'd opened a pack of Big League Chew that had way more gum in it than I could handle. I received a ton of emails detailing attacks, and after reading about 15, I knew that being a rape counselor or having a primary purpose of helping rape victims work through the trauma would require more boundaries than I am capable of maintaining. Things may change, with years and training, but as it stands now, the project and nonprofit is on an indefinite hold. It's more than I know how to deal with, and I don't want to cause any more damage to those victims in need of help.
What is your relationship like with your parents today?
If someone would have asked me three and a half years ago what my relationship was like with my parents, I would have said that my mom is my best friend and my dad is some guy I used to know. Now, my mom is my mom and my dad is my dad. I am blessed enough to say that, today, I have the relationship with both parents that I have wanted since childhood.
You're currently in a stable live-in relationship. How is this one different from past relationships?
We do this thing that my therapist Jill calls "communication." Basically, when I'm upset, I find a productive and constructive way to share my feelings, instead of hiding under the covers. And he does the same with me. I used to say, "Oh, yeah, I'm fine. Sure. Fine." Then I would pack my things in the middle of the night after feeding my ex-men coma-inducing pot brownies, sneak down the stairs and change my phone number on the drive to a new home. So I don't do that anymore. I am faithful to and honest with my man now because what we have is an authentic and intimate relationship, something I value and have worked hard to be a part of. I think the biggest change, though, has come in letting him be there for me.
IMPORTANT NOTE:THIS BOOK CONTAINS VERY GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT. It is not for children, and it is not recommended for recovering sex or porn addicts, survivors of sexual abuse, or anyone else who may be easily triggered or offended by graphic sexual content, very strong profanity, or graphic descriptions of alcohol and drug use, sexual abuse, or sex addict behavior. For everyone else, though, this book is highly recommended as it is an excellent, well-written, and very educational book about the harsh reality of addiction and the porn industry. So please go ahead and buy this very compelling book about Jennie's inspirational triumph over addiction and adversity at one of the online locations below!
Don't forget to check out Jennie's popular blog chronicling her exit from the porn industry, her journey to sobriety, and the healthier and more fulfilling life that she leads today:
"Our mission at Surviving Rape is to advance the healing of those who have been raped through the formation of safe community and open discourse about the ways in which recovery is made possible. This safe community is based on honesty, openness and trust, gives an equal voice to all those in need, and attempts to provide resources for those who would like to explore alternative methods of healing the trauma of rape."
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Did you know that you can help our organization and cause FOR FREE? Yes! Every time you shop at Amazon via AmazonSmile, which is Amazon's charity program, Amazon will donate a percentage of your total order -- at NO EXTRA COST to you! All you need to do is click on our custom AmazonSmile link or the image below, and confirm your selection of our organization just once as your AmazonSmile charity. Then just shop via http://smile.amazon.com from here on out when you want to shop at Amazon, and the rest will happen automatically. If you have any questions or concerns about this program, Amazon provides full info here. ~~ Many thanks to all who help us out this way! We really appreciate it! :-)
PLEASE SUPPORT THIS CAUSE BY FOLLOWING *ALL* OF OUR TWITTER ACCOUNTS. THANKS!
Join the 28,000 people who are following us at all of our Twitter accounts combined!
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ALSO PLEASE SUPPORT THE CAUSE BY LIKING AND SHARING OUR FAN PAGE AT FACEBOOK BELOW, AND BY STOPPING BY OUR PAGE TO SHARE COMMENTS AND RESOURCES, ETC. THANKS!
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CHECK OUT OUR BOARDS AND PINS AT OUR PINTEREST SITES,
AND PLEASE FOLLOW US THERE TO STAY IN TOUCH AND TO SUPPORT THE CAUSE! THANKS!
Please watch, like and share our videos! Also please feel free to comment on them at YouTube! And don't forget to SUBSCRIBE! Many more videos are coming soon! :-)
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PLEASE FOLLOW US AT OUR WORDPRESS AND TUMBLR BLOGS!
THANKS AGAIN! YOUR SUPPORT FOR THE CAUSE IS VERY MUCH APPRECIATED!
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A URL shortcut for this website is AntiPorn.org or antiporn.org. Thank you!
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Please feel free to add this button to your blog or website. It will bring people here to AntiPornography.org so that they will be able to learn exactly how pornography hurts people and what they can do to help. Get HTML code here.
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PLEASE NOTE THAT EVERY PAGE ON THIS WEBSITE IS A WORK IN PROGRESS AND WILL BE ADDED TO AND IMPROVED OVER TIME. IF YOU WOULD LIKE THIS SITE TO BE EXPANDED AND IMPROVED MORE QUICKLY, SO WE CAN DO MORE TO PREVENT AND COMBAT THE HARMS OF PORNOGRAPHY, PROSTITUTION AND SEX TRAFFICKING, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO DONATE MUCH NEEDED FUNDS OR VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME. THANKS! DONATE HERE - VOLUNTEER HERE
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BELOW IS THE BEGINNING OF OUR WEBSITE FOOTER WITH OUR SOCIAL NETWORKING LINKS, NEWSLETTER FORM, DONATION BUTTON, AND COMPREHENSIVE ANTI-PORNOGRAPHY, ANTI-PROSTITUTION, ANTI-SEX TRAFFICKING AND RELATED RESOURCES. IF YOU FEEL SOMETHING IS MISSING AND SHOULD BE ADDED TO THESE RESOURCES, WHETHER IT IS YOUR OWN WEBSITE OR PROJECT, OR ANOTHER RESOURCE CREATED BY SOMEONE ELSE, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO SUBMIT IT HERE. THANKS!
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Please submit events, action alerts and media alerts here.
Click picture above to order "PORNLAND" at Amazon.com now!
DESCRIPTION
Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexualitytakes an unflinching look at today’s porn industry: the stories woven into the images, the impact on our culture, the effects on us as men and women, the business machine that creates and markets porn, and the growing legitimacy of porn in mainstream media. Above all, PORNLAND examines the way porn shapes and limits sexual imaginations and behaviors.
Although we are surrounded by pornographic images, many people are not aware of just how cruel and violent the industry is today. PORNLANDshows how today’s porn is strikingly different from yesterday’s Playboy and Penthouse magazines — how competition in the industry and consumer desensitization have pushed porn toward hard core extremes. And, with the advent of the internet and other digital technologies, users don’t have to wander far to access porn; todaythe average age of first viewing is about 11 for boys, and studies reveal that young men, who consume more porn than ever before, have difficulty forming healthy relationships.
PORNLAND also looks at how our porn culture affects the way women and girls think about their bodies, their sexuality and their relationships. PORNLAND: How Porn has Hijacked our Sexuality argues that rather than sexually liberating or empowering us, porn offers us a plasticized, formulaic, generic version of sex that is boring, lacking in creativity and disconnected from emotion and intimacy.
CLICK PICTURES ABOVE TO ORDER "PORNLAND" AT AMAZON.COM NOW
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Please pardon any errors, omissions, or technical problems, etc., with this website, and please feel free to help us out by informing us about them here. Thanks. And if you would like to contribute to this website being developed more quickly, please feel free to donate here. Thank you! Your support is very much appreciated and will definitely make a difference.
For more information about the documented harms of pornography please visit the extremely informative websitePornography Harms at PornHarms.com.
"Dedicated to providing the most accurate peer-reviewed research on the harm from pornography, along with relevant news and opinion."
This outstanding website comprehensively addresses the harms of pornography in regards to all of the following categories: addiction, brain science, children, cybersex, family, Internet, Internet safety, marriage, men, psychological, prostitution, relationships, research, self image, sex trafficking, sexting, sexual violence, societal, STDs, teens, and women.
Have you taken the NO-PORN PLEDGE at NoPornPledge.com yet? If not, now would be a really great time to do so! Please click here or the banner below.
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See the list of many people from all around the world who have signed the No-Porn Pledge. Click here.
Read the reasons why they have signed in the No-PornPledge Guestbook. Click here. Don't forget to join them by signing the pledge and sharing your reasons why in the guestbook there as well!
From NoPornPledge.com:
"Join a growing number of people who have made a decision to eliminate porn from their lives. Sign your name, and publicly declare that you won't use porn, or have an intimate relationship with anyone who does."
At AntiPornography.orgwe are working to prevent and combat the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, sex trafficking and sexual slavery, as well as all other forms of sexual exploitation, through public education and advocacy. We are:
Pro-Education, Pro Safe, Healthy, Respectful, Equality-Based Sexuality
Pro-reasonable regulation of the pornography industry for the health and safety of the performers.
*Please see FAQ for more information on all of the above. Thank you!
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RESOURCES, FRIENDS, SUPPORTERS AND ALLIES:
NOTE: All those marked with * are friends, subscribers or followers of AntiPornography.org at Facebook, YouTube, Twitter, or one of our other social networking websites, or have demonstrated support for our work otherwise, such as providing content for this website or linking to us or to one of our blogs and/or social networking projects. Also please note that the below list is a work in progress and that it is not complete. Please share any errors, omissions or suggestions here. Thank you!
WOMEN AND GIRLS FOCUSED RESOURCES:
(For family, children, men and addiction focused resources, please scroll down.)
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ANTI-PORNOGRAPHY ORGANIZATIONS GROUPS AND WEBSITES:
Saavi Accountability -- The only online accountability program that works with all online addictions. It is also the only program that sends notifications instantly via text message to an accountability partner so that they can be supportive when an individual needs it the most at the point of weakness, while they are accessing the online content. The software was created by a young man (26) who overcame his addiction and is trying to help others.
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ADDICTION MESSAGE BOARDS & DISCUSSION FORUMS FOR HELP & SUPPORT:
NOTE: There are MANY anti-porn and porn addiciton discussion groups and pages at Facebook.
Just search GROUPS and PAGES for "porn addiction", "pornography addiction", "sex addiction", "anti-porn," "antiporn," "anti-pornography" & "antipornography"
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For more than 50 personal stories documenting the harms of compulsive and/or excessive pornography use and/or pornography addiction please see our "Porn Harm Stories" page. Thank you.
(Note: The No Porn Northampton FAQ is in the bottom half of their sidebar. In addition to the usual questions about pornography it addresses questions and concerns about activism against sexually oriented businesses such as "adult bookstores.")
Shared Hope International specifically focuses on fighting the demand for commercial sexual exploitaiton, including addressing pornography as a very significant demand factor for sex trafficking.
"Pornography is a marketing device for sex trafficking: It normalizes degradation and violence as acceptable and even inevitable parts of sex, and uses the bodies of real women and children as objects. The difference between pornography and erotica is clear in the roots of the words themselves -- porne means females slaves, eros means love -- so pornography, like rape, is about violence and domination, not sex. Millions of lives depend on our ability to separate pornography from erotica, and to disentangle violence from sexuality."
Gloria Steinem, 2006
For information about Gloria Steinem's important work of fighting against the harms of pornography, sex trafficking and other forms of sexual exploitation and abuse, including videos and an audio interview, please see our page on Gloria Steinem. Click here.
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For more information on how pornography fuels prostitution and sex trafficking, please see our page on Pornography and Trafficking. Click here. Thank you!
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YOUR HELP IS NEEDED. PLEASE DONATE IF YOU ARE ABLE TO.
Please remember that it is not up to AntiPornography.org, the other organizations listed on this page, the government, or "someone else" to do the entire job of fighting against the devastating harms of pornography, prostitution, trafficking, and other forms of sexual exploitation or abuse. It is an enormous job and the responsibility lies with each and every one of us to do our part as part of the bigger team of those who are choosing to be part of the solution of creating a more just and humane world for everyone, rather than be part of the problem.
So thank you in advance for whatever you are able to contribute to the cause, whether in the form of a tax-deductible donation or your actions. What you do does matter, so for the sake of all those across the world who are being exploited and abused, and for the sake of the future of humanity, please do what you can to create a more compassionate and safer society for all.
Thank you for whatever you are able to give or do to help create a better world for everyone, especially for women, children and future generations.
YOUR SUPPORTIVE ACTIONS & YOUR DONATIONS ARE VERY MUCH APPRECIATED.
ALSO PLEASE LIKE OUR FAN PAGE AT FACEBOOK BELOW, AND PLEASE SUPPORT THE CAUSE BY SHARING ANTI-PORN AND RELATED ARTICLES, RESOURCES AND COMMENTS WITH US THERE. THANKS! WE LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU!
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT! IT'S VERY MUCH APPRECIATED AND REALLY MAKES A DIFFERENCE!
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*DISCLAIMER: Inclusion of a resource above or anywhere on this website does not constitute endorsement of or agreement with all of the content of that resource, and does not constitute a claim that all content included in that resource is wholly accurate. Those who created the resource are solely accountable for the opinions and information in their own content that they have authored, as well as for their own personal, social and political opinions and positions in general, as well as being responsible for the ever-changing content of their own websites. If anyone has any concerns about any content on anyone else's website that is linked to from this website, please contact the other website in question, not AntiPornography.org. If anyone has any concerns about any content on this website that was authored or created by anyone other than AntiPornography.org, please contact those responsible for the creation of the content so that they can edit or amend their own original content as appropriate and then inform all others who have it posted elsewhere. If that is not possible and a fact correction or edit is necessary, please contact us with full references provided regarding why the information is inaccurate so that we can correct or edit the content as appropriate. Please also do the same regarding any original content posted on this website authored by AntiPornography.org. Thank you! Also please note that no materials are posted on this website with malicious intent and that documented fact corrections are always welcome. Finally, please only take what you find to be useful and informative from this website and/or any particular resource listed here and leave the rest behind. It is not expected that everyone will agree with or find useful the entire content of this website, only that some people will find some of the content useful or informative.
Re: Copyrighted documentaries and television shows on this website: None of them were uploaded to the Internet by AntiPornography.org or related websites. They were all uploaded by others to other websites and are merely embedded here for people to view them here as opposed to them viewing at the other websites where they are currently made available for viewing. If you are the copyright owner of any content on this website and you have an objection to it being available on the Internet, please contact the person who uploaded it and/or the website where is it is uploaded in order to get it removed from that website. When that occurs it will also automatically be removed from this website. Thank you. (Note: The exception to this is the Tyra Show episode "Teens in the Sex Trade," which was uploaded by our AntiPornographyBlog YouTube channel and has the permission of the copyright owner to be posted there.)
*** All original content on this web site is copyrighted by AntiPornography.org. Please do not repost any content except for small excerpts with a link provided acknowledging the source and directing people to this website to read the rest. Thank you.
AntiPornography.org is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.
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