Sienna B. (Was lured into the sex industry through misleading social media 'sugar baby' ads and is now having trouble quitting) (female, 16, U.S.) (March 6, 2019)
WHY THE SEX INDUSTRY NEEDS TO STOP ADVERTISING TO TEENS
 Snapchat regularly advertises to their user base of 13-17-year-olds, glorified articles with titles along the lines of "The Truth From a Sugar Baby," and "The Luxurious Life of Sugaring." These articles go into detail about how 'sugar babies' get $10,000 a month, never have to work, and get to go shopping and travel with wealthy men.
A couple years ago, as a naive young teenager, I would stare at these sorts of sugar baby stories plastered across social media. The stories almost made me feel stupid for not getting money for "going on dates." I now know that being a 'sugar baby' almost always involves more than just going on dates (i.e. sex), but how is an inexperienced 14-year-old girl seeing these stories on Snapchat supposed to know that? So I decided to try it out.
The first sugar baby "date" I went on was with a retired police officer in his sixties. I was scared, uncomfortable, and wanted to go home. He had picked me up and I had no way to leave. If I turned my phone on, my location would ping to my parents and I would get in trouble. The only solution I saw was to wait it out. When we arrived at his house he became angry that I wouldn’t have sex with him, even though he had told me he only wanted to "meet for coffee." There was no mention of sex ahead of time, and that’s the problem. Code words used by 'escorts' and their clients (or sugar babies and sugar daddies) are so cryptic, that to a naive teenager it really doesn’t seem like prostitution at first glance. So I didn't expect it.
Eventually the man forced me to have sex. Afterwards I sat there crying for 20 minutes. Then I muttered the words, "Do I even get money?" He laughed, pulled $20 out of his wallet, threw it at me, and said, "You should've brought it up beforehand."
I went to the police to report what happened. They gave me a rape kit exam, and the DNA they collected provided a conclusive result that could enable identification of the perpetrator. They then found out who he was. However, once the police found out I had encountered the man off of a "prostitution website," as they called it, they said they couldn’t prosecute the case. They said I was a prostitute, that I lied about being 18 by signing up for the site, and that the man wasn’t in the wrong. They asked if I kept the $20. I said yes, and they turned it on me. They said I was a prostitute who was only reporting a client for "not paying my rate," even though we had never discussed anything like that. They treated me like a criminal, said he had great lawyers, and it would do more harm to me than good by going to court. The case was immediately dropped. I felt confused and guilty. I really had thought that the sugar baby website was just for dating, not sex.
I told myself it was my fault, and that something was wrong with me that the "date" didn’t go well. Now that I look back, how the police treated me made me feel that what happened wasn’t bad at all, rather that I just "did it wrong," and that I needed to account for what I should have gotten and move on.
I then went on another "date," and this time made sure to do everything in a way that I thought would be right. This date was with a younger man, and he seemed normal. I met him first in public, then I ubered myself to his house. I felt like I was doing it correctly this time. I didn’t get in his car, I didn’t meet him first privately. After all, that’s why something bad happened the first time, right? He gave me $400 beforehand and we had sex. I thought everything was fine. I had what I thought was a lot of money, and I was only slightly uncomfortable this time.
After that I saw more men here and there. I didn’t know you were supposed to use condoms because I really didn’t realize how dangerous it was not to. The few times I tried to use them, the men would flat out refuse and tell me to leave. Sometimes I had to spend an hour with a man, and he'd even agree to using a condom beforehand. But then he'd switch on me. I allowed it because I didn’t know how to say "NO." Before I knew it I was pregnant and had Chlamydia.
Growing up I had an amazing family, and there was no reason for me to get into prostitution so young. The reason it happened is that social media sites constantly push it to kids now. I’m from an upper middle-class family, one parent is a lawyer, and one a nurse. Situations that average kids should never encounter are being thrust into their lives, and even worse, normalized and made to seem glamorous.
I got addicted to the money and simply didn’t learn. I also got Chlamydia two more times before learning my lesson that condoms are necessary. I’m now 16 years old and have had sex with almost 100 men. I still really can’t stop this lifestyle. I don’t feel good about myself; I feel horrible. I constantly feel terrified, dirty, and worthless. I can’t stop though, because nothing makes so much money. But it brings me to tears that these prostitution sites are still advertised on Snapchat, and are fluffed up with luxurious words and a convenient lack of any description of sex being involved.
I get infections much less often now, and even have a rule that male clients aren’t allowed to have a glass of wine around me because some men have lost control with alcohol so easily and have gotten sexually violent with me. Overall, I get into fewer bad situations now that I’m more careful, yet I'm still traumatized each time I meet with a man.
If I could take this all back, I would. If I could prevent even one teenage girl from getting sucked into this, I would. The sex trade and pornography really are evil addictions, and I'd do anything to get them out of my life.
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Taylor S. (Had an abusive, porn-using boyfriend who caused her mental and emotional trauma.) (female, 23, WA, U.S.) (Sept. 17, 2017)
YOUNG LOVE, AND HOW MY BOYFRIEND'S PORN USE TRAGICALLY AFFECTED MY MIND AND SOUL
My story is rather long but I feel like it could help many people out in the world who are dealing with the same situation. I personally wasn't a porn star, I was a young girl in love with someone extremely addicted to porn, from the time I was 18 years old to 21.
Everything started normally at first. We went slowly in developing our relationship and making things "official." He had a past, as did I.
Once I started hanging out around him I noticed little control issues, but I just put them in the back of my head. I did this because I was younger, and I personally didn't understand abusive signs in relationships just yet.
Moving forward to when we were "official" for a few months... I noticed something while performing sexual oral pleasure. (Which was never returned, so he was a restricting partner physically.) I noticed little scabs on his shaft. It grossed me out and freaked me out. I thought, "OMG, he has some type of STD." So I confronted him, and he said it was from pleasuring himself earlier in the day. But the scabs were scabbed over, so I wasn't buying it entirely.
I started then asking myself if I was doing enough, and I made sure that even if I didn't want to that he was pleasured sometimes more than two times in a day. So that was checked off my list, and then it became this voice in my head:
"What's wrong with me?"
"Am I not good enough?"
"Not pretty enough?"
So I started checking his laptop history and phone history, and I found countless pages of porn still open and tracked. He previously confessed to watching porn while I was in the same room right next to him.
Those voices grew into massive screaming crowds, and I began to self-harm in the form of drinking to run from my self-hate. I would also restrict my amount of food to lose weight.
He would verbally abuse me and call me fat, but it wasn't in the way one thinks. It was mentioning he likes skinny girls when I wasn't eating, or getting on me if I had a soda or anything like that. I felt like if my bones didn't stick out and poke him he wasn't going to love me
And this is where it gets dark. I asked him about the porn and if there was something I wasn't doing for him that he desired, and he could never answer me with anything but, "It's just a visual thing." That guys like to see a lot of girls naked and that's just how they are built.
I know he saw me lose weight. I know he saw the tears and the self hate. So I communicated it to him, and he said he was going to stop but he didn't. In fact it just got worse, and he became unable to be pleased. What I mean by that was he couldn't get off no matter how skinny I was, how much make up I had on, or how quiet I was when his family would emotionally abuse me.
So I finally broke down and he would get his laptop out and use my body for his tool, and use porn as his visual stimulation. Often I remember crying as this was happening, until it just stopped.
He has no idea to this day that I feel like I'm not thin enough or good enough. And I don't really know if I can heal totally from those scars, but if you're out there and this helped you, let's walk hand in hand together. Thank you so much for reading.
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Adrienne S. (Regrets doing porn because it ruined her life. Wants to warn others.) (female, 21, USA) (Nov. 8, 2016)
DOING PORN RUINED MY LIFE
 I would like to share my story about how doing porn has ruined my life.
I'm from Ohio, where it's difficult for a girl in high school to find a good-paying job. Only a few days after I turned 18, I contacted as many porn producers as I could, looking for work. Almost immediately I started receiving offers, and the next thing I knew I was on a plane heading to California.
I was signing contracts without reading them, because all I cared about was the money. I was paid extra because I looked younger than 18 and had a size 32A chest. They told me that's what the industry wanted, but later insisted that I get breast-enhancement surgery.
The first few shoots were very basic, but then in the next shoot they informed me that I wouldn't be paid the full price or have my flight paid for unless I did the anal scene. I reluctantly said yes, since I couldn't afford to pay for my own flight. So I signed another contract and began the most disgusting day of my life. I think the scene included maybe 7 or 8 men, but it felt like 100. They gave me what they called a "safe-word," but I was so confused and worried about my body that I couldn't remember the word. The men were black, and I was told to say the N-word because it was part of the script. Looking back, I think the real reason they told me to say that word was to anger the men and make the scene more intense for their website.
One of the producers starting revealing my real name online, because he knew if people from my town or my school found out what I did, they would buy a subscription to the website just to see it for themselves. I ended up paying back some of the producers in order to have them remove my videos from their websites.
So in the end I ended up a broke waitress -- just like in the beginning. Except now I have the reputation as the "racist gang-bang girl."
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Lucy J. (Was severely abused for years by a porn-addict partner) (female, 46, UK) (April 23, 2016)
HOW A PORN ADDICT SEVERELY ABUSED ME FOR YEARS
 It has taken me a lot of courage to write what you are about to read. The story is long, but I feel it is important to tell the whole story, so you can understand the impact porn has had on my life. And I must warn you, it contains graphic sexual violence.
It's hard to find the words to describe the psychological and physical pain I was put through by the man I had a three-year relationship with who was -- and probably still is -- a porn addict. I carry a life sentence, while he has never been punished, because -- like a lot of victims of rape and sexual abuse -- I have never reported it to the police.
I had an abusive childhood that led to abusive adult relationships, so when I met X I was already vulnerable and had been conditioned to please. Although all my past relationships had been abusive, as strange as it sounds I knew where I stood with them -- they never pretended to be anything else. This is my story.
Had you met me back then you would have seen a sexy, out-going woman that appeared to be full of confidence. But if you had just scratched the surface, beneath it you would have found a little girl longing to be loved -- a little girl that had never been valued and had her emotional needs met.
I had just left a very long-term relationship with a man that was mentally and financially abusive. I moved in with a friend and this is how I met X. All my life I had been around bikers -- I knew no different -- and X, like all the others, was a biker. I'm not saying all bikers are bad people, because they are not. A lot of them are good, decent family men. But like with anything, you always get a few rotten apples! And I found out to my cost that X was rotten to the core!
X lived a few hundred miles away from me, so a relationship was impractical, but we would spend hours on the phone talking. After a few months of talking on the phone, he came down to spend the weekend with me. Even at the beginning his behavior wasn't normal -- even by my standards
On our first date, he constantly checked out other women, and over the weekend, he told me graphic sexual details about his past girlfriends that I never asked for. And although I told him I didn't want to hear it, he continued anyway!
We did have normal, vanilla sex, and even then I knew something was wrong. (I found out months later that he had taken Viagra to be able to perform.) By the end of the weekend, I thought the man was a total d#@k! I also wasn't physically attracted to him -- he was a strange-looking man and was very overweight
I couldn't wait for him to leave, until he said just one thing, and that one thing triggered something inside me -- it found that lost little girl. He said, "You are stunning, but not my type." (I later found out that he very much had a type, and I couldn't have been more of his type!) He then said, "I want to see you again. Do you want to see me?" Although even then I knew there was something very wrong with this man, something inside me was so strong that pulled me towards him that I agreed to see him again.
After he left, I discovered that he had used my laptop to view porn and dating sites. So the next time I spoke to him I brought this up in conversation. He told me that he had felt nervous, so he needed a little 'extra' to help him, and that he had deleted the dating site because he only wanted to see me. (I later found out that this was totally untrue -- he was still checking and sending messages on that site.)
The second time he came down to see me I confronted him about his behavior. He was really being a lech towards other women -- so much so that I could see that they felt uncomfortable. He had never had a woman stand up to him, and although he clearly didn't like this, I am sure in his mind he thought I was going to be more fun to break! At the time I didn't know that this man had a history of treating his partners badly, although I never heard it was physically or sexually. But then, apart from his exes, who would know that
I had been in a relationship with him for about three months when a number of things made me question his fidelity. Of course he denied it, but he did admit that he had never been faithful to any of his previous partners. And then he said that he had never felt this way about a woman before, so he wanted to be honest! A little bit of truth had made me feel special. Of course it did the trick!
It was at this time that I found out that he watched a lot of porn. He also started to be rougher during sex, and call me degrading names. But I had already been conditioned to please, so I allowed this. I would see him once a month, but he would never invite me to his house if he had something better to do. This would hurt me, but it was always the same reply. He would say, "When I see you, I want you to have my full attention. I don't want to share our time." This of course always worked.
TO READ THE REST OF LUCY'S STORY, CLICK HERE. --- WARNING: VERY DISTURBING CONTENT
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Chelsea Fleetham-DeLiso (Was groomed as a teen by an online predator, then ended up in a real-life abusive relationship with him) (female, 29, Michigan, lawyer & writer) (Feb. 22, 2016)
HOW AN ONLINE PREDATOR COMPLETELY TOOK CONTROL OF MY LIFE AND RUINED IT
 Like nearly every other female I know, I have been victimized by a male. This is my story. It's not unlike many others, and I hope that somehow someone finds it helpful.
Around 2001, when I was 14, I met a guy online in a chatroom. Like many kids, I wanted to be "all grown up" -- and thought that I was. The anonymity of the Internet allowed me to try on what it felt like to be "older" -- so I invented a 16 year old Internet persona, and had fun chatting with strangers around the country.
My online activity was fun and innocent. I was a child being a child, but before too long I came across a man who said he was 24. We developed a friendship and soon more, but it wasn't until a few years later that he disclosed his actual age of 34. Although I wanted to be all grown up, the reality is that I was a naive and particularly vulnerable child, as my parents had recently divorced. My father no longer lived with us, and my mother, who was addicted to the Internet, had completely checked out of my life. To me, my new friend seemed like all I had, and I was soon desperate to do anything to please him.
My new friend gave me comfort and companionship. I was too young and inexperienced to know that it came at a very high price, and that I was being preyed on and groomed to accept increasingly abusive behavior. Even when I eventually learned that he was 20 years older than me, it didn't matter, as I was already deeply under his control.
Our long-distance relationship lasted for three years. Before long, it mostly consisted of him screaming at me, accusing me of cheating, and threatening to defame me over the Internet and "ruin my life." I worked hard to appease him by sending him thousands of dollars that I stole from my parents, consenting to phone sex, leaving my friendships behind, and even dropping out of high school so I'd always be available on the phone. But my efforts to make him happy were never enough, and the relationship became increasingly volatile and verbally abusive.
When I was 17, we started our "in person" relationship. Still young and very afraid of him, I hoped that his behavior would be different in a "real" relationship. I hoped that he'd be satisfied that I wasn't cheating (which he always accused me of) if he was part of my daily life, and we'd build a life together. If he was with me, I imagined I could have a life again, and I wouldn't be tethered to the phone. Additionally, he told me that he wanted to get a job, so I hoped that the financial burden on me would be lessened. I was drained by our long-distance relationship, and excited about the possibility of a normal life.
Of course, these hopes were a delusion created by the traumatized brain of a child, and they did not become a reality. By 18, I was living with and supporting a 38 year old man. Just like on the phone, in person he worked hard to isolate me. Friendships with others were strained and mostly impossible to maintain. If I went anywhere, I had to check in constantly, and take pictures to prove where I was. Often, I traded sex or gifts to be allowed to go places without punishment. He regularly told me that my family "wouldn't like me if they knew the real me." In short, like all abusers, he worked to isolate me to limit my resources for support, and he succeeded.
My abuser was addicted to weed and pornography, and he didn't end up getting the job that he said he would. (Nor had he ever held more than brief, part-time, minimum-wage jobs). At 18, I worked to support us both while going to school. He did not have a car or a driver's license, and did nothing "around the house" -- like cooking, cleaning, or laundry. On top of work and school, every responsibility was mine: all of the housework, earning the money, paying the bills, running every errand, cooking or buying every meal, taking him to doctors appointments, and buying his weed, cigarettes, clothes, video games, electronics, jewelry, and everything else. He received Social Security for social anxiety, and had me assigned as his caregiver -- so the money would come to me (him), instead of a social worker, because he was deemed unfit to handle it.
When I didn't do something right or live up to my many responsibilities, he'd scream at me that I "was his worker!" I, a teenager, and then later a young woman in my early twenties, did literally everything for this forty-year-old man. He refused to work or help me in any way, and instead repaid me with years of mental, verbal, physical, and sexual abuse.
He was essentially a monster for our six-year, in-person relationship. He screamed at me all the time, always reminding me that I was lucky to have him because I was "too fat and dykeish" for anyone else. He belittled me constantly, telling me I was stupid and spoiled, and that "he would have done much more than I ever would," if he had had my privileges. He set up a life full of hidden land-mines. I never knew why or when the next explosion would come, and I spent every moment trying to avoid or prepare for them.
Although he refused to get a job, and told me that I was lucky that he didn't want to "take away from our relationship by getting a job", he worked all the time to make sure I was scared, confused, alone, and insecure enough to keep meeting his every demand. He'd punch me, smack me, drag me across the floor by my hair, and kick me -- for infractions like not being able to find weed for him, or for sending "money" in a video game to the wrong video game character. On my 19th birthday he spent the night screaming at me and hitting me in a parking lot, because -- after pulling up in the car outside of a restaurant -- he claimed that "some guys turned to look," so I must be a regular customer, and thus cheating on him with these phantom guys I'd never met or seen.
He made me buy an at-home lie detector test (the "truster"), and take it every day after work. I always passed every question -- except for "did I love him." On a rare occasion that I was able to see my family, he forced me to hide a video camera and tape a visit with my dad, so he could verify that I wasn't cheating on him. While out of the house, I lived in fear of his calls or texts. I knew if I didn't answer fast enough or appropriately, that I'd pay for it. What if he heard someone in the background? For the most part, trying to maintain my friendships with others just didn't seem worth it.
After he was arrested, when witnesses reported him hitting me in the parking lot of a department store, it was me who bailed him out and begged for the court to lift the personal protection order that was supposed to keep him away from me. One day while the order was still in force, he was beating me in our house. He told me I better be quiet, because if the police came, he'd kill me before they ever made it inside.
He made threats like this a lot. I don't know if I believed him or not, but I know that I was such a broken person that when he started yelling, my first instinct was to take off my glasses. I didn't want them to get broken when I'd inevitably have my face slammed into the floor or the bed. My glasses were more important to me than my own safety or dignity.
After many violent incidents, he'd expect sex. Although I'd still be dazed and red-faced, choking on tears and snot, I didn't see any other option.
There are so many stories of those six years, but mostly it's just a blur of terror and misery. Like many women, I stayed out of fear, guilt, and confusion. When I was no longer in a position to hide the relationship from my family, my dad saw its true nature and ended it for me. I have never looked back, but the abuse that I was subjected to continues to inform my life in many ways. For instance, even though it has been almost five years since I've seen him, I still have nightmares, and I still second-guess every emotion I have -- after years of being trained to feel crazy, and to doubt my perception of reality.
I ended up having a couple of online conversations with my abuser a few years after our relationship ended. I was curious to see if he would acknowledge any of the harm he had done to me, or apologize. But he denied all wrong-doing, and somehow does not consider himself to be an abusive man.
No matter how he defines himself, I know the truth about him. I know also that I am a survivor, and that I will never let anyone treat me badly again.
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 UPDATE: I am now happily married to a wonderful man who is kind and caring. I am also working on doing what I can to ensure that other women and girls never have to suffer the sort of abuse that I did, or any sort of harm from predators or others. I know that pornography fuels all types of abuse and exploitation of women and girls, so I plan on speaking out as much as I can.
IMPORTANT NOTE FOR WOMEN AND GIRLS: If you are in an abusive relationship, or think that you may be, please talk to someone. Tell anyone and everyone that you trust. Family members, friends, teachers, counselors, doctors, local shelters, or law enforcement could offer you the resources and support you need to leave your relationship safely. If you're not sure where to turn, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. Remember that women with abusive partners are in the most danger when they try to leave. Also, even if your partner has never hit you, that doesn't mean that you aren't being abused. To learn about emotional, verbal, and other types of abusive behavior, visit http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse. Whoever you are and wherever you are, you should never have to live in fear of your partner. Love should not hurt. Please talk to someone.
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Read more of Chelsea's story in her article below:
Josephine S. (Was violently abused and permanently traumatized by shooting a porn scene for LatinaAbuse.com) (female, 34, Bronx, New York, mother of three) (Jan. 23, 2016)
DOING A PORN SCENE FOR LATINAABUSE.COM DESTROYED MY LIFE FOREVER
 My story starts like this... I'm a single mother of three, and it was almost the first day of school. I didn't have any money to buy my kids the things that they needed. So I went on Craigslist and saw an ad a women had posted there.
I called the number in the ad and the woman told me that the job was porn, and that the website was called Latina Abuse. At the time I thought, "OK, that's just the name of the website." But little did I know that it was actually REAL abuse.
I was a victim of this website. They tell you that they won't abuse you. They start very nice, taking their time. They said, "You're just going to do a little porn, get paid and get out." No, that's not the truth.
I didn't know it was in a warehouse. The lady didn't tell me where I was going. And once I got there and begged them to stop, and told them I wanted to leave, they just beat me up more.
I never wanted my kids to know how I got that money, and I was unrecognizable in that porn scene -- that's how hard they constantly slapped my face, pulled my hair, and spanked my butt. You name it, they did it.
Well, I gave all of the money that they gave me to my kids, but I didn't know that the website name was written on each dollar bill. My kids are not stupid -- they saw that I was all bruised up, and they saw the website name on the money. So they went to the website. They were in shock, but they understood why I did it.
Please know that the girls at LatinaAbuse are taken there under false pretenses. They do NOT know what they're in for, and they have no way of getting out of that warehouse. I'm telling everyone that the abuse that you see on that site is NOT fake -- its all true.
I wish I knew where they're located, so I could report them to the authorities, because I was a victim of abuse and I don't wish it on anyone. I feel bad for the other girls because I'm telling you the truth -- these girls don't know what's going to happen to them, and there's no way out.
The website LatinaAbuse.com should be shut down and the people who run it should be in jail. They should also have to pay every woman they've abused for pain and suffering. I'm on medication now because of everything that I endured with these guys.
That's my real experience and story with the website LatinaAbuse.com.
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NOTE: Latina Abuse is now officially named Latina Throats. (Or LatinaThroats.) Their website is located at LatinaThroats.com, but the URL LatinaAbuse.com still works, as it redirects to LatinaThroats.com. Seeing porn abuse first-hand is often the only way many people will believe how horrific it is, but we strongly caution anyone considering visiting the site that the content is extremely graphic and disturbing, and viewing it it may cause lasting trauma or other negative consequences.
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Learn more about the horrific crimes and abuse of LatinaAbuse, plus the other sites owned and run by the same company. (GhettoGaggers and FacialAbuse.)
FacialAbuse.com: The Truth About their REAL Abuse and Exploitation
http://www.antipornography.org/facial-abuse-com-truth-of-real-abuse-exploitation.html
Extreme Humiliation Abusive Porn Info -- Regarding sites such as FacialAbuse.com, LatinaAbuse.com and GhettoGaggers.com
http://www.antipornography.org/extreme_humiliation_abusive_porn_info.html
Racism in Pornography
http://www.antipornography.org/racism.html
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Anita G. (Used to be a porn performer. Advises all young women to NOT do it.) (female, 43, UK) (July 15, 2015)
REFLECTING ON MY PREVIOUS EXPERIENCES AS A WEBCAM GIRL, STRIPPER, AND PORN ACTRESS
I was once an actress who worked in a few mainstream films and TV, as well as experimental low-budget short films. But in-between all this I also did some porn films and scenes. I did about 16 porn shoots in total, which ranged from "solo" to "girl\girl," "boy\girl," "group" (three girls, three boys), and at one point a sex party, performing with a number of other male and female actors at the same time.
16 films or scenes is a small amount for a porn actress, when the average number of scenes could range from 100 to more than 1000. But it was an amount that was enough to negatively affect me during the time that I did those scenes, as well as after I had quit the industry.
I took part in porn purely for the money -- not because I was some raging sex maniac, nor for the so-called 'glamor' of it. I needed money at the time, and I also enjoyed the attention which I felt was lacking in my private life. I was already insecure about the way I looked, and I thought that being in the porn/'adult' industry would make me feel better about myself. But in fact it did the exact opposite. I was so insecure that between the ages of 28-30 years old I had breast enlargement surgery done three separate times.
This was something I was very against when I first joined the industry, but I was working as a stripper at the time, and as any honest stripper will tell you, you are always conscious of your body. In that job you are judged by how you look, and at the end of the day how much money you made depended on how you looked, sadly.
The fact that I and so many other women out there went through risky surgery to look a certain way because we thought it would make us more appealing to the opposite sex -- or even the same sex -- saddens me.
When I was 'acting' in porn videos, the producer would tell me or other women anything to get us to do something that we didn't want to do in a scene. They would tell us lies and sweet-talk, or even be verbally abusive. Sometimes the actor or actress a performer would be doing a scene with might be having personal issues that would negatively affect their behavior, which could make working together in an intimate setting very unpleasant and uncomfortable.
Performers also have to numb themselves to the fact that they are going to have unprotected sex with someone on camera who they've only just met on set, in a room full of other people who don't give a damn about them. But we did the job to just get paid.
The truth is that behind many of the fake smiles that you see on the covers of porn videos, DVDs, in porn magazines and on online porn-streaming sites, hides a lot of shame, pain and sadness.
The porn industry affected my relationships with men. I didn't trust them, and I didn't even want to have sex with anyone when I stopped doing porn.
I would warn any girl or woman who wants to be a porn actress or model to not do it. There are consequences. There is still stigma attached to being a porn actress even long after you quit doing it. Your videos, scenes or pics will be out there for the world to see forever.
Also, the porn business has now become even dirtier, more violent and dangerous than before. I cannot imagine what young women are going through now when they do a porn scene. I have heard many horror stories, and I have seen with my own eyes things that should be made illegal that no one should ever see or experience.
I feel it is time for me to speak out about the harms of the porn and sex industry, in order to be able to deal with an experience I kept quiet about for too long. Just sharing my story has started the healing process. If my story can help one person out there, then for me this is a great achievement in itself.
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UPDATE JUNE 2016 - 11 months after above story was posted.
Thank you all for your kind messages and comments at Facebook. I really appreciate it. Let's all give the love and support to the women, girls and boys too out there who are still suffering with no-one to turn to. x
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Michelle Maren (Survived childhood sexual abuse, plus doing porn & prostitution in the 1980's. Is now featured in a documentary about her life) (female, 54, performer, writer, advocate & activist, U.S.) (March 18, 2015)
LOOKING FOR LOVE IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES -- MY DESCENT INTO THE DARK WORLD OF THE PORN INDUSTRY
I worked in the sex industry from 1979 to 1987. During that period, I was a go-go dancer, men’s magazine model, wrote pornographic articles, wrote and performed phone sex tapes, and was a porn performer. Most notably, I was one of the leads in "Throat: 12 Years After," the sequel to "Deep Throat."
I suppose my descent into that dismal world began when I became a sex surrogate soon after my eighteenth birthday. Some months before, I ran away from home to escape the abuse of my mother. She demanded complete control of every aspect of my being. I was not permitted to socialize with other children, talk on the telephone, wash my own hair or take a bath when I wanted. Normal activities such as sitting in the living room and dining at the kitchen table were forbidden. I was forced to spend all my time, including eating all my meals, in a tiny bedroom.
My mother was paranoid and kept every window nailed shut, with the shades down and shutters closed. She was convinced the neighbors were plotting to kill us. After my father abandoned the family when I was very little, my mother’s abuse escalated. I was yelled at every day and beaten whenever I broke one of her many rules. My mother told me I was a worthless burden and sadly, I believed her. Craving freedom, I finally escaped.
After arriving in New York City, I worked a series of minimum wage jobs, quickly learning that I needed a significantly higher salary to survive on my own.
I answered an ad in The Village Voice for a sex surrogate, even though my carnal knowledge was seriously limited. I was a true innocent. My mother never allowed me to date a boy or even go to a school dance. My virginity was taken from me by a case worker at Covenant House, where I had stayed after leaving home. The men who were my surrogate clients were supposed to suffer from sexual dysfunction. Yet when they were with me, they seemed to function just fine.
 The office was run by two men who had no medical qualifications. Their only concern was making money. To this day, whenever I think of that place I can still smell its stench: a stomach-churning brew of latex, baby oil and men. I hated every minute of it.
Someone told me about go-go dancing in New Jersey and put me in touch with an agent. Compared to being a sex surrogate, go-go dancing did not seem that bad.
“At least I don’t have to have sex with anyone,” I rationalized.
So there I was, parading around in my little G-string, a kid really, being leered at by dollar-waving, cigarette-puffing, drunken men perched on tattered bar stools.
Like most women in sex industry, the longer I worked in that business, the lower my standards became. Dancing led to becoming a professional escort (a.k.a. prostitute), which led to posing in men’s magazines, and nude modeling led to being an extra in porn films. Within a short time, I was meeting with Gerard Damiano, who made the original "Deep Throat." He cast me as one of the stars in the sequel.
 After about a half dozen porn films, I was finished. I just could not handle it anymore. Having sex on camera was the absolute lowest thing I had ever done. I understood why all the other women had to do lines of cocaine before the cameras rolled. Not only was I selling my very soul, but I was doing so in a room full of people who were recording my humiliation on film for the entire world to see. I was the only porn actress I knew who did not do drugs. The down side of that was that I was perfectly alert during filming and therefore clearly remember every single disgusting detail.
Though I quit porn films and go-go dancing in 1985, I continued to sell my body as a professional escort for another two years. My self-esteem was nonexistent. I felt I was of no value and the way I lived my life reflected that. For two years, I was a call girl and nothing else. I decided I was going to be the best escort in New York. Whatever revolting thing the men asked me to do, I complied. After every call, I would go home and, surrounded with hundred dollar bills, sit on the floor and cry. No, not just cry, I would wail. It was a slow suicide indeed -- a suicide of shame.
One day while at the escort service, I was told that one of the other women had passed away. She had died of AIDS. This was someone I knew. She had an adorable three-year-old boy. I had just seen he  r at the agency weeks before, and she looked fine as she gleefully modeled her new mink coat. When I heard the news, I began to shake as I was overcome with sadness and pure horror. It was a monumental wake-up call. Right there and then, I walked out of that office and never worked as an escort or anything else in the sex industry again. I felt used, tired and very, very old. The year was 1987 and I was twenty-six.
Since then, it has been my strong sense of self, sense of humor, and sheer determination that have propelled me through life.
Why did I degrade myself all those years?
My childhood was fraught with abuse, neglect, rejection and abandonment. I had been sexually molested by my pediatrician as well as a family member. I was raped when I was a young adult. I had no sense of self-worth and thought I did not deserve respect. Because of the sexual abuse, my sense of identity became based on my sexuality. My enormous need for male attention was also a result of my not having a father figure in my life.
In addition, I had mental health issues that I did not address until I was long out of the sex industry. Over the years, I have been diagnosed with (at least) eighteen different mental disorders.
What has been the outcome of all this? After six years of filming, the documentary, "An Autobiography of Michelle Maren" is completed. I co-directed with acclaimed filmmaker Michel Negroponte.
The project was made with a deluge of blood, sweat and tears. It tells the story of a woman who has survived child abuse, homelessness, poverty, mental illness, physical disability and, yes, the pornography business as well. It explores my search for wholeness, forgiveness, recovery, healing, closure and love.
Please watch for the release of "An Autobiography of Michelle Maren."
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The US premiere of AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MICHELLE MAREN will be in NYC
It has been selected for DOC NYC 2015.
SCREENING TIMES AND THEATERS:
Both Michel Negroponte and I will be in attendance for the panel discussion following each screening
PLEASE COME AND BRING YOUR FRIENDS! (Adults only - film features mature content)
10:45 AM, Fri Nov 13, 2015
IFC Center
323 6th Ave, New York, NY 10014
9:30 PM, Sun Nov 15, 2015
Bow Tie Chelsea Cinemas
260 W 23rd St, New York, NY 10011
To purchase a ticket:
_________________________________
AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MICHELLE MAREN will make its Canadian premiere at the Rendezvous with Madness Film Festival
Tuesday, November 10th, 6:30 pm
TIFF Bell Lightbox,
350 King St W,
Toronto, ON M5V 3X5, Canada
Both Michel Negroponte and I will be in attendance.
To purchase tickets:
For more info:
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REVIEWS:
"An intense, challenging and supremely artful documentary that will haunt you long after the final frame."
Doug Block Filmmaker (51 Birch Street)
"Exposure therapy and cinema collide in one of the most intense documentaries you'll ever see."
Nina Davenport Filmmaker (First Comes Love)
"A fascinating, sometimes harrowing journey into an unusual woman’s psyche. Once again, Negroponte tests the
limits of where documentary can go, what it can reveal about the inner lives of others - and by extension, of ourselves."
Ross McElwee Filmmaker (Sherman's March)
"What a triumph in filmmaking. I've never seen anything like it"
Chico Colvard Filmmaker (Family Affair)
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Directors: Michel Negroponte & Michelle Maren
Producer: Michel Negroponte & Marie Emmanuelle Hartness
Cinematographer: Michelle Maren and Michel Negroponte
Editor: Michel Negroponte
Music: Beo Morales and Brooks Williams
Graphics and Design: Craig Lowy
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SOCIAL NETWORKING AND LINKS:
Check out Michelle's powerful blog for much more of her excellent writing about her life that gives many more details of her compelling story of how she got into the sex industry, how harmful it was to her, and what she's doing now. Plus interviews, photos of her childhood, and more!
Katie G. (Husband's porn addiction devastated her life) (female, 25, Utah, Social Worker) (Sept. 9, 2014)
PORN - TOO CLOSE TO HOME
 My husband is a porn addict. It’s kind of ironic, because I’m a social worker. Before I ever even knew him I was fighting porn. I’ve seen its destructive influence over individuals, families, and society through the lens of psychology and social sciences. I’ve fought it my entire life.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I was molested when I was just a little kid, but I’ve fought hard to keep sex and sexuality something special – something innocent and sacredly reserved for couples who are wholly and completely devoted to each other.
My husband and I didn’t date for very long, by average standards. We had our values in common, and we shared, I thought, everything with each other. So far as I knew, we had been saving ourselves, and our sexuality, for each other our entire lives.
The day he proposed was one of the happiest moments of my life. The day after he proposed was one of the worst.
We’d just gone to eat dinner with my family – to show them the ring, and celebrate our engagement with them. On the car ride home, however, my then fiancé told me something that he felt I should know, but something that he hadn’t felt was important enough to mention earlier on: He was addicted to porn. He’d been addicted to porn since he was twelve years old. But he hadn’t relapsed since he’d met me, so everything was fine, right? I tried to be supportive. I encouraged him with every ounce of social work skill I had in me. And when I finally went home, and was by myself, I cried my eyes out.
I knew, logically, that it had nothing to do with me. It wasn’t my fault. I hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, the situation wasn’t that bad. He wasn’t actively looking at porn. He wasn’t running around with strippers or prostitutes. He was still the good man I had grown to love – simply with a history.
But I found that I doubted myself. I doubted him. Here was a man who had proven, through years of porn use, that he couldn’t control himself and his sexual urges. Here was a man who had violated and used women with his eyes, just as my molester had used me in my innocence. My fiancé was not innocent. He had withheld this information from me, hiding it from me until it was too late for me to go back, or to question.
Would I have said “Yes,” if I had known? Would I have demanded he get into counseling first? Probably. But with his withheld truths, I felt powerless, and manipulated into a relationship with a sexually deviant monster.
After that, I let him have it. He shouldn’t have been dishonest with me, which he agreed with. He shouldn’t have manipulated me, which he agreed with. He told me he would go to support groups for the rest of our lives together, if it would make “me” happy, which only shifted the power and blame onto myself, as, unconsciously, I took responsibility for his addiction.
I went to a support group with him, where in a room adjacent, they had a group for families and loved ones of those struggling with sexual addictions. I cried the entire time, listening to these beautiful women blaming themselves for the lack of self-control that their men displayed. These were beautiful wives and girlfriends, suffering the worst kind of emotional trauma – the kind that can’t draw boundaries, when the mistake of one directly affects the innocent other.
I hated those men for that, and I hated my fiancé for bringing me there, for making this a part of my life when I despised it so much. I hated becoming the “client” in these counseling sessions, when I knew, firsthand, from my own counseling experience, what it meant to be one of “those” clients.
He left his support group happy. I left mine and barely made it to the car before I erupted in waves of tears. At my apartment he held me close, but couldn’t seem to understand, couldn’t empathize with what I was going through. He was in recovery. This was a joyous moment for him. But for me, I had just received the diagnosis which would last with me forever: “Wife of a Porn Addict.”
The sacredness I had imagined for our wedding night, the intimacy which we would share, was destroyed. How many women had he already had sex with in his mind? How many perfectly luscious breasts, chiseled abs, and plump buttocks would he compare me to, in this, my moment of ultimate vulnerability? Would he, could he love me, when for him, his history of intimacy was entirely selfish, and removed from any kind, selfless emotion? How could he love me, when the very sight of me might trigger a memory of porn?
After our marriage, things were good, for a time. One day, after an early morning meeting at work, I thought I’d swing by home and grab myself some food for lunch, before heading back for the office. I strolled into the house, happy as ever, ran into the bathroom to check my hair, all while my husband sat on the toilet in the bathroom, (because we don’t have boundaries, like that.) I kissed him goodbye, grabbed some food, and headed back to work.
A few hours later my husband emailed me. As he’d been sitting there, doing his business, he’d felt the ever-present “temptation” to look at porn. He told me that he didn’t know if he would have, or not, but I had barged in on him at just that moment – his loving wife who didn’t suspect a thing, kissed him goodbye, and strolled right back out. I had reminded him that, though he was in denial, he was still addicted to porn. It was an ever-present temptation, just out of sight, but able to come back at any moment.
Though this realization was helpful to him, it was beyond the opposite for me. I became paranoid and hyper-vigilant. I found myself using sex as a tool to “bind” my husband closer to me, even if I wasn’t really even in the mood to be intimate. I was always initiating. My husband began to have erectile difficulties, with my new intensity, all while I was afraid that I was going to lose him to pornography, at any moment.
I began dieting, and hating my body. I found myself becoming distrustful of him in general. I resented him for his selfish past, and now for the fact that he struggled to fully gratify me. I eventually had to seek counseling, to help me learn to forgive him, and to learn that no matter what I did, I could not change him, or fix his addiction. No amount of “spicy, hot sex” from his wife would cure him. And I would simply have to accept that I would always be at risk of getting hurt.
That’s where we’re at, today. My husband was a victim, in that his older brother and his father introduced him to pornography, which he was too young to understand, fully, the negative consequences of, before it became his addiction, too. Then there’s me, the one who’s always harbored a distrust of men and their sexuality, still trying to come to grips with that alternate world – the one where porn addicted men are everything I always feared them to be.
We hold to each other, my husband and I. But pornography will always be a hurdle for us to jump over. Some days we’re too weak to jump, and all we do is hit shins. Some days we can jump, and ultimately, that’s our goal – to make it over more times than we fall down.
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Sarah T. (Was sexually abused as a child by porn-watching brother) (female, 19, U.S.) (June 17, 2014)
MY BROTHERS' PORNOGRAPHY USE LED TO THEM SEXUALLY ABUSING ME AND MY SISTERS, AND TO THE DEVASTATION OF OUR FAMILY
 I grew up in a fairly big family in which I had three brothers and two sisters. I was the youngest of all of them. My family was fairly religious, and I always viewed my life as "perfect." It wasn't until I was in fourth grade (nine years old) that my life changed forever.
The youngest of my brothers, Ryan, who was sixteen at the time, invited me to a movie sleepover in the basement of our house. This was exciting for me because it wasn't often that Ryan was this nice to me, or that I was able to stay up late in my own home. I gladly accepted, and we watched a couple of movies.
I was on one couch and Ryan was on the other. The couches were fairly close to each other -- within arms' reach. I remember Ryan kept leaning over and looking at me, and I never understood why -- until the night was over. He had planned in his mind that this was the night he was going to sexually abuse me.
After the movie was over I started falling asleep. I looked over, and it appeared Ryan was asleep as well, but his hand was in an odd place and was resting on the couch I was laying on. After he thought I was asleep is when he started to perform the rest of what he had planned.
I was too scared to open my eyes. I truly wanted to believe that Ryan was sleeping, and that he believed I was someone else. I was afraid, and didn't know what to do or believe.
The next day I didn't quite understand everything that had happened to me. I had run to my room in the middle of the night and managed to fall asleep there. Right when I woke up I took out my journal and wrote down everything that had happened to me in detail. I read it over and cried. I couldn't help but believe that it was my fault for everything that had happened.
Later in the day I had an urge to share this experience with someone. I gave the journal to my older sister Ashley, and I ran into the bathroom crying while she read it. I was so ashamed.
Ashley knocked on the door of the bathroom. I opened it and I saw that she too was crying. She then told me that she had been also once been sexually abused by Ryan. Ashley then blamed herself for not telling our parents, because she believed that if she had told them right away after she was sexually abused, then I wouldn't have had to have go through it as well.
Regardless of this, I was so thankful for my sister Ashley at the time, because she gave me the encouragement to tell my parents, who helped me through the experience, and who also confronted my brother Ryan. It was later discovered why Ryan had committed two awful acts on two of his siblings, and it turns out it was due to his addiction to porn.
Porn takes away the value of women and completely objectifies them. My brother Ryan never hurt my sister or me again, but I did learn later on that he developed this awful habit from my oldest brother Andrew, who was involved in almost the same thing, and sexually abused my oldest sister Leah.
Unfortunately being sexually abused has impacted each of the girls in my family in a different way. It led my oldest sister Leah to give herself up to religion. My second oldest sister Ashley was impacted by it the worst. When a child goes through sexual abuse, they often either experience a fear of men, or they begin to crave sex and all it has to offer. My sister Ashley became very promiscuous and used herself. She has only had two solid relationships, but she has slept with over seven men, including a random guy she met at the bar, a person she became "f*ck buddies" with, and people she's only had one night stands with, etc. Ashley's lifestyle has become very broken, and she has had difficulty finding value in herself.
My parents have also been affected by this situation, leading my mother into a depression that has lasted ten years, and my father to believe he has completely failed his children as a father.
The effect that sexual abuse had on me at first seemed quite subtle, but as I've pieced my life together it has actually become very apparent. From a young age I found myself being afraid of guys; in fifth grade a boy had a crush on me, and when he tried to give me a hug, I found myself punching him in the face out of fear.
Luckily, this reaction didn't continue, but I still found myself in constant fear. I also found that I was trying to fix everything that had happened to me. I wanted to please my parents above all else, and to pull my mom out of the depression she was facing. I believed the only way to do these things was to become a straight A student and an avid athlete.
These two things seemed to come naturally for me, however I still felt like it wasn't enough. By the time I was a sophomore in high school I had developed an extreme case of anxiety. This resulted in random anxiety/panic attacks, which would lead me to pass out.
My life and the life of my family all changed that day that I revealed I was sexually abused. It will forever be ingrained into my memory, and it's all due to the effects pornography had on two of my brothers. Luckily at least one of them has picked his life up, while the other one is thirty-two years old, and is still running after shallow young women around my age.
I grew up absolutely despising porn, the people in it, and the people who watch it. After discovering this website (AntiPornography.org), I have a new respect for porn performers. I always thought that most people take that route because it was quick and easy money for them, but I never realized how awful of an experience it was for most of them, and how similar of a lifestyle many of them had to mine. If everyone was educated about the horrors of the porn industry, I believe that they then wouldn't find it as attractive as they used to.
Now, whenever I see an ad advertising a porn site, I can't help but feel sadness; sadness for the people stuck in the industry, sadness for the people like my sisters and I that experienced porn abuse second-hand, and finally sadness for the people who don't initially see the effects porn has had on them and their lifestyle.
Porn is not a fantasy. It involves real people who have real feelings.
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Jessie Rogers (Got into porn at 18, left 1.5 years later after severe dissociation, injury & illness. Is now speaking out against it as a volunteer for AntiPornography.org) (female, 20, U.S.) (March 24, 2014)
MY STORY OF HOW I GOT INTO PORN, WHY I LEFT, AND WHY NO ONE ELSE SHOULD EVER DO PORN
 I got into porn the day after my 18th birthday. Here's how it happened...
A week before I turned 18, I was just scanning around the "jobs" section on Craigslist, not even looking for porn. I found an ad in the TV/film/video section that said "MAKE $20,000 - $30,000 A MONTH MODELING." In the description it said nothing about porn or video work, they simply asked people to e-mail them a photo. Once I sent the agency a photo of myself, they got back to me instantly, asking when I could go see them. All they mentioned at the time was that they were looking for people to do "Playboy-style nudes."
Once I got to the office to speak to them in person, we talked for hours, and the woman working there finally told me that she "basically booked girls for porn." Then she handed me a sheet to circle the things that I was okay with doing. The only thing I circled was "solo." She looked at it and said, "Well, the problem with this is that you won't be able to make as much money as I proposed to you." So I went on and circled "b/g" and "g/g," which means boy/girl (me and a boy), and girl/girl (me and another girl). I didn't circle anything else because I never intended to do anything else.
Every time I got interviewed by a company in the porn industry, my answers to the question "Why porn?" stayed relatively the same: "I love sex, so why not?" or "Getting paid for something I do anyway sounded like a dream job." Etc. etc. The truth is that what draws people in is the quick money, especially for young girls coming out of high school. They may have some vague idea of what porn is like from having seen some of it, but in reality they have no clue what it actually is like to do it, until they get too deep into it.
 That's what happened to me. As embarrassed as I am to admit this now, I will humble myself and say that I was very naive when I first started in porn, and I believed all the things that people in the industry told me were true. I was so drawn to the money that I let myself believe all the lies that people fed me. I even believed my own lies that I told myself.
I am 20 years old now, and I retired from porn just a few months after I turned 19, so I didn't do it for very long. However, it was long enough for me to finally see through all of the lies, and for the true colors of the "adult industry" to be exposed to me. Porn is not empowering, neither is it safe. But it did take quite a lot for me to face this and accept it. All of my plans to only do what I first agreed to changed after just a few months in the industry, after which I ended up jaded, disassociated, and brainwashed.
I did get several "warnings" at the very beginning of my career, through some bad experiences I had, and some scenes I did were so brutal that they made me cry really hard. But it seemed that crying on sets was "normal," as I found out after several other performers told me about their own experiences. So I still persisted in doing porn.
 Even having to go to urgent care over 10 times, the emergency room twice, and constantly getting sick with strep throat, bacterial vaginosis, urinary tract infections, yeast infections, and colds, from dealing with performers' bacteria, was sadly not enough to make me quit porn. This is because all of this that happened to me was and still is "normal" within the industry. I was fortunate to have never caught chlamydia or gonorrhea, but the performers that did catch it -- which were many, as these STDs were and are very common -- treated these diseases as though they were just a common cold.
What finally really got through to me, and pushed me to eventually leave porn, was actually hanging out with people in the industry off camera -- seeing what they were really like, and learning how much they actually hated their jobs and hated themselves. I realized that I didn't want to end up like them.
READ THE REST OF JESSIE'S STORY AND WATCH HER VIDEOS ON OUR PAGE FOR HER ON THIS WEBSITE
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Hope T. (Was raped, abused and traumatized by her partner, and this abuse was likely filmed and shared with others) (female, 37, U.S.) (Feb. 14, 2014)
HOW PORNOGRAPHY CHANGED ME FOREVER
 My story is hard to share since I'm not sure exactly what happened throughout the entire ordeal. I guess I always knew something was wrong with the man that I met when he asked me to lie about our circumstances, after he sexually assaulted me. I was severely traumatized by that time in my life and the events that surrounded them, so I had no idea how to recover from them, and I ended up in a toxic field that I believe puts me speaking here now.
I felt that since we had already been intimate that there was no backing out of it. I had been married before meeting him, and only intimate with my husband before him. So, it had been just my ex-husband for about ten years, then in one night it was all gone. I felt like a slut and awful.
I dated this man and quickly learned that there was something very wrong with him. He was very abusive and hiding things, one of which was a deep interest in porn. I discovered this on his computer.
Soon enough he began to share intimate knowledge of my body with a close friend, which horrified me on top of the rape. I wondered how his friend knew, and they would pick on me and insult me. The objectification was obvious by him and his friend, as well as a serious attempt to hide things. He also had no problem being an exhibitionist himself, and would do odd things to me when we were just going about ordinary, everyday activities. I learned to just freeze and let these moments pass.
Things came back to me, such as sex to him always being an act that was very much not about connecting, but about control and performance. I learned to survive the experiences, not enjoy them. I did my best to block them out and get through them, and pretend them away -- as an actress would. He would do degrading things at times that I won't fully share, and I was terrified to confront him.
I always had a feeling that the acts were being forced or compelled on me at times, and when I would not agree to things that he wanted, he would look to others for release. I am grateful I did not agree to do many things because of my values. He had pressure me to have sex in public, despite me repeatedly saying "no" -- among other terrible requests to which I had to repeatedly tell him "no."
I was thrown into this relationship as a victim of rape -- scarred and scared. He did the crime, provoking and incapacitating me, never letting me know his guilt because he knew I would go to the police. Then his entire objective, I believe, seemed to be the hinting at several ways to get me into compromising sexual moments in order to expose me and himself -- whether for money, boredom, or just because he was severely twisted. I never saw any tapes, but I believe that he made them.
I think back at how horrified I am day to day. Comments he made to friends about my body, comments he made about noises I made during sex -- as if they were to be heard by other people -- made me literally want to vanish off of this earth.
I am one of the most bashful people on the planet when it comes to intercourse. I had been with one person, ONE male before him in nearly a decade, and he took me and tried to turn me into what felt like or what I would call a prostitute. I would not know how I feel much different from one now.
I am devastated by this realization. It was not my choice or with my knowledge, even though I always knew something was very wrong. I also knew that if I ever questioned him on certain things he would become violent, so I think I knew it was not safe to talk about.
I am still afraid. I don't know how to piece it all together for sure. That is partly why I'm here. He was clearly diseased severely, and thought he could take, intimidate, and dismantle another woman for his gain, and with no repercussions. He didn't care about my values or morals and what it would do to my life one bit.
I will tell you nothing has kept me up more nights as much as this catastrophe. Nothing has made me want to take my own life as much as this heart wrenching tragedy has. This is to say because it was not my choice, and he was fully cognizant of what he was doing the entire time, along with his cohorts. I would never ever have agreed to the things he began, requested, and did deceitfully.
And since I ended the relationship I had with him, which was coated with lies and abuse, I have been with no one, and have spent my time trying to make my life better. I have felt like the slut or criminal, when again I did nothing. This again makes me cringe. The things he exposed or shared were sacred things to me, and I'm still not sure how to recover, but somehow, somewhere, I will find the strength.
The thought of other men, women, or people looking at my naked flesh, and seeing me have sex without my knowledge, makes my blood boil. Especially since they saw me with a man who raped me, and while doing acts that degraded me without my consent. If he had asked, he knew the answer would have been, "No way!" I'd have blown up in a full rage if he had requested. I'd have stood there and taken whatever abuse came my way.
So in my experience... my story... my power was taken away from me and shared with who knows how many people. When I walk into the world every day, I wonder if people might know me or recognize me from sick images released by a sick man. I hope not. It saddens me beyond repair. It breaks my heart because the choice was not my own, as I have reiterated so many times throughout this passage.
I wonder how many people know that? And if so, if they would continue to feed a sick monster like the porn industry because of my story. Will anyone now watch porn and wonder, "Did that woman get tricked into this?Or is she being drugged and raped? And if so, then I will refuse to watch this. I want no part of this."
Do you know how many women out there are dying inside because of this violation? It has changed my worldview on this industry forever.
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Alicia B. (Recently decided to leave the sex industry because it was harming her and others) (female, 19, Virginia, Student, Office Worker) (Dec. 30, 2013)
HOW THE SEX INDUSTRY HELPED DESTROY MY LIFE AND YOUTH FOR TWO YEARS
 Like most people my age, I was exposed to porn and the sex industry at a young age. I was also introduced to the horrible ways of men at a young age as well. I had sexual experiences very young. Part of my reasoning for working in the sex industry was that men had seen me as a piece of meat since I was a child, so why not get paid for it? Well, I was very wrong, and thanks to working in the sex industry, I have just gotten through the worst two years of my life.
Even as a young girl, beauty standards (often Eurocentric) were pushed on me and were a constant reminder that I didn’t fit the norm. I was either cast out as disgusting, or I was exotified or hypersexualized. I developed very early and many boys and men took that as a sign that I wanted their sexual advances.
In my almost 20 years of life, I have experienced multiple cases of sexual harassment, sexual assault, and stalking. I’ve wanted to die multiple times and acted on it before. It was a horrible point in my life and I can honestly say I’ve hit rock bottom multiple times.
For some reason I had always been interested in the sex industry and wanted to be a part of it. As soon as I turned 18 I started webcamming and having a lot of casual sex. I had no friends and really became a recluse. This led to me becoming severely depressed, getting STDs, getting raped, and dropping out of university. During this same time, I was dealing with medical issues in addition to depression, that made everything ten times harder.
After being in and out of the hospital and treatment facilities, my life was and is continuing to get better. A few months ago, I figured if I tried working in the sex industry with my life under control, that maybe it would be different. I was very wrong.
I jumped back into webcamming and got very deep into dominatrix work. I thought being a dominatrix would cut out harassment and get me more money. I was very wrong about that too. I saw a lot of disturbing things, while still getting harassed on a daily basis.
I have ultimately decided to quit working in the sex industry forever, because I have lived and seen firsthand the harm it does to people. I am now at a new college, in an amazing relationship with my partner, and doing a lot better both medically and mentally.
I want to share my story because I don’t want other young girls to make the same mistakes I did. The sex industry is not good. All the institutions that oppress people in real life are amplified ten fold in the sex industry. Selling your sexuality for money takes a huge toll on your body, mind, and spirit.
I will never be truly free of the industry because there are pictures and videos of me on the Internet doing sex acts. As hard as I tried to cover my tracks, that time in my life will always be documented and will never be fully erased. I want to prevent this from happening to other young girls, so that they can live easier and happier lives.
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milana1979 (Her boyfriend's porn use destroyed their trust & relationship) (female, 33, Utah, Graphic Designer) (April30, 2013)
PORNOGRAPHY HURTS: MY STORY OF LOVING A PORN ADDICT
 OK, so I have found this to be a very controversial issue these days, but I am going to share my story with the hope that it might help someone out there to better understand and cope with the situation of men, pornography and relationships. In my opinion the combination of these three is a tonic for disaster. Here is my story...
I first met ’James' -- as we will call him -- in the summer of 2011. A friend had set us up. At first I resisted his advances, and I blew him off for several months before I actually went out with him. At the time I had been dating a lot of emotionally unavailable men, and I really wanted to break that cycle. So I decided that he wasn't really my type, but I was trying something different, so I gave him a chance.
Our first date was amazing. The chemistry was electric and I knew I was in trouble with this one! So we continued to see each other every weekend and I fell deeply in love with him very fast. We dated for about a month and moved in together. It was magical. I was so in love and so happy. There were plenty of red flags, but I of course ignored them in my state of lovers' bliss, which I deeply regret now.
The first red flag was on our second or third date. James and I were with a girlfriend of mine, and we were drinking and joking around about a threesome. James mentioned that he had never had a threesome before, and I had no idea at the time that he was obsessed with the thought of having one.
So we drank some more and played around a little, but while we were at the bar my friend was all over him! He was also checking out every single girl in the place and not even looking my way. I felt like the third wheel and it angered me so much that I stormed out of the bar and walked home.
I expressed to James and my friend that night that I was angry at the way they both were acting, and they apologized. While James and I were lying in bed that night talking, he told me he was sorry, and that he just thought he would ask me if I thought the girls were cute because I had mentioned to him that I was bi-sexual.
James was always saying that he wanted to be in a serious relationship and get married, which is what turned me on to him in the first place. I remember the things he said about the other girls, and how 'hot' they were. I was so upset about it that I slept on the couch that night. I told him that a man who wants a serious relationship with me would not check out other women in front of me, and would not want to engage in threesomes. I told him that that sort of thing is something to be done in your wild and single days, and that I didn't feel like he was really all that ready for commitment. But I let it go and continued to see him anyway.
TO READ THE REST OF THIS STORY, PLEASE CLICK HERE AND THEN SCROLL DOWN TO THE PAGE BREAK
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Vanessa B. (Ex-performer now understands the harms of porn & wants to share to warn others) (female, 25, CA) (April 2, 2013)
WORKING IN PORN IS A DEAD END TRIP TO NOWHERE
 I used to be in the "adult entertainment" industry. I did over 50 porn scenes, danced at strip clubs, and dabbled in "escorting" -- AKA prostitution. As a sex worker, I heard from countless young girls asking me how to get in the business and how to be "successful" in porn. Now that I am finally out of this business and seeing it for what it is, I ask why? Why do so many girls these days aspire to have sex on camera, or dance naked in the laps of strange men? What happened?
One only has to look back to the 90's and 80's to see how things have changed (and not for the better). Back then, women (and most men, for that matter), got into porn out of desperation. The majority of sex workers fell into the business and did it secretly, hoping that they could just make some quick money and get out. Now, girls actually look at adult entertainment as a viable career option.
This is dangerous and incredibly misguided. Young women should be aspiring to something real, something that will take them somewhere in life. Porn is often nothing but a dead end.
Here is the pattern I have seen over and over again in my 7 years in this industry: Girl gets into porn, shoots regularly for about 6 months to a year doing relatively tame sex scenes. Work starts to slow down, so girl decides to do more hardcore scenes (things like anal, multiple men etc.). Work slows down again. Girl now starts escorting and becomes "open" to doing just about anything on camera to get work. Eventually, there is no company willing to shoot her and porn work is dried up. Girl usually has no work history and often no schooling, and now is essentially stuck with escorting, stripping, webcamming and any porn work she might be able to scrape up.
Now the girl has a black mark on her reputation forever and no matter what else she does in life, there are videos all over the Internet of her engaging in various sexual acts. She can never take it back or hide it. All she can do is hope that future employers, potential mates and others never see it or are very understanding about her past. (And even those who are understanding still look at her differently. You can never unring that bell.) This cycle usually only takes 2-3 years. That is not a career, and it's nothing to look up to or hope for.
I'm not saying to ban porn, or demonize the people in it, but this is not something so many young girls should want to do. There is something fundamentally wrong when you have young women thinking that having sex for money is glamorous or fun. This is not the message our society should be sending out. Society seems to accept porn, but the truth is, once you're known as "that girl that did porn", people will never quite look at you the same way. They will never have the respect for you that you deserve and crave. Young women need to be taught to value themselves and their bodies, not that "hooking up" is no big deal and that porn is just another path to fame and fortune.
I wish that I had aspired to more, dreamed of something bigger. Now I have to deal with my past for the rest of my life. We need to get THAT message out, that porn leads nowhere, that sex is something you shouldn't just give away to anyone and everyone.
I only hope that my stories and experiences can help someone think carefully before making a decision that can alter their life and ruin many future opportunities. Please understand that porn is not a legitimate career path. If you're lucky, you'll get a couple of years before you're "shot out" and used up. And chances are, you won't have much to show for it.
Aspire to something real, something that will truly fulfill you, not sex work.
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ANTIPORNOGRAPHY.ORG NOTE: Vanessa is now a volunteer for our organization and has written many more stories about her time in the sex industry and articles about the harms of pornography. Please CLICK HERE to check out all of her writing!
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Suzzan Blac (Was brutally raped and trafficked for sex as a teen) (female, 52, Artist, Author and Advocate, UK, YouTube) (March 19, 2013)
THE DIVINE TRAGEDY
Up until this time; I thought I knew Evil.
But, I had only ever tasted it.
Now, it was being force fed to me by a malevolence ...that had no right to be of this world.
London – 1976
I was so excited on the morning of my interview.
I was to meet Mr. Y at an exclusive hotel in the city center at 2 pm. I washed my hair, fixed my face, painted my nails and put on my prettiest dress.
I was so nervous as I walked into the hotel lobby, but I needn't have been, because Mr. Y was the most charming of men who put me to ease straight away.
After a couple of drinks and a long chat, he handed me a contract and a consent form, for one of my parents to fill in and sign, as I was only sixteen and still a minor; which served to validate my belief that everything was above board and bona fide.
We discussed the traveling arrangements for the following week, and then said our goodbyes on a hand shake.
I almost skipped the whole way back to the bus stop. I was on cloud nine and once in my seat, I went over the things that he had said to me.
He told me that I had the most symmetrical face that he had ever seen, that I was incredibly photogenic and that he had 'big' plans for me.
I had never been so thrilled in my life. I went straight to mother's house to ask her to sign the consent form. She promptly did, no questions asked, we said our goodbyes and she wished me a good time in London.
The following week I met Mr. Y at New Street railway station. I was besides myself with excitement, especially as I had never been to London before. I felt so confident and sophisticated as Mr. Y complimented me and told me about all the jobs he would line up for me in London and on the continent.
We arrived at Euston station late afternoon. Mr. Y flagged down a black cab and told me that he had a surprise for me.
I was amazed as I took in some of the famous sights during the ride, and even more so when he took me into an exclusive shop to pick out an outfit. He told me that he wanted me to look really special as we were to meet his partner for dinner and drinks that evening.
I had never been so happy as I came out of the changing room wearing a sophisticated black dress, silk stockings and black heels. Mr. Y asked the shop assistant if I could wear them, and if she would kindly put my clothes into a carrier bag for me.
The next two hours were spent sight seeing and drinking coffee in a hotel bar. At 7 pm we walked into a beautiful restaurant to meet Mr. S, who was equally charming and courteous.
They both made me feel like I was somebody. For the first time in my life I actually felt worthy and respected.
We drank, ate and discussed my promising future until around 11 pm. I was feeling rather light headed and tired as the three of us climbed into a cab. I naturally assumed that we would be going to some hotel, say our good nights and meet up the next morning for further discussions.
The cab came to a halt. Mr. Y paid the fare and we all climbed out of the vehicle, into a small, nondescript side street.
We continued to walk through endless back streets, but with each step, the surroundings seemed to get rougher and seedier. It all started to feel rather menacing, and I began to feel rather apprehensive. I knew that at this point, there was no turning back
Finally, we reached a large building that looked like it had once been a hotel. Many of its windows were boarded up and it was in a state of disrepair. As we entered the outer porch, I began to feel a strong sense of regret and forbodement.
Mr. Y unlocked the heavy front door and escorted me into a small bar area, in which a few shifty looking men sat drinking and talking.
They all stopped simultaneously to look at me as we entered.
I felt extremely uneasy and perturbed as Mr. Y told me to sit down. Mr. S brought some drinks over and gave one to me. “Just a nightcap for you, darlin,” he smiled.
As I finished my drink, Mr. Y turned to me and asked, “Would you mind coming to my room to sign some papers before you go to bed?”
Although alarm bells were frantically ringing inside my head, I said that I would; I felt at that point that I would have no choice anyway.
Mr. Y showed me where my room was on the way to his. He opened his door, and gestured for me to enter and sit on the single bed. I could see his briefcase and lots of paperwork on the dressing table. My eyes scanned the room as he took off his jacket, it looked like a basic, cheap hotel room except there was no TV and the window was boarded up.
Mr. Y looked me up and down, smiled and told me to take off my clothes.
My heartbeat dramatically increased so much so, that I could hear the blood pumping loudly in my ears, as the realization of what was happening hit me like a sledge hammer and my body froze.
I was so scared that I did what I was told.
...
TO READ THE REST OF SUZZAN'S POWERFUL STORY, WHICH IS ILLUSTRATED WITH LOTS OF HER OWN ART, AND TO COMMENT ON HER STORY, PLEASE CLICK HERE.
WARNING! EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING CONTENT AT THE LINK!!
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Emmanuelle L. (Autistic girl who had child pornography made of her was raped and molested on multiple occasions, including by one man acting out an abusive porn scenario, which led to self-harming, an eating disorder, and two suicide attempts) (female, 15, England, Tumblr) (March 2, 2013)
RAPED, MOLESTED AND ABUSED -- AGAIN AND AGAIN
At two I was already reading. I found pornographic magazines while on a playdate at a friend's house and never went back. The women looked empty, wrong, inhuman, splayed beneath bright headlines and bad words, and of course it frightened me. I remember it very clearly.
Growing up autistic, I had trouble knowing what was appropriate and what was not. At four, I was molested by the adopted daughter of one of my mother's friends, whom I do not blame; she had severe learning difficulties and was abused herself by her biological family. She later went on to molest my youngest brother, then an infant.
At five, a family friend of around thirty years old set his sights on me; thus followed a long year of almost-daily rape and shocking verbal abuse. He coerced me into watching hardcore pornography with him, and would often act out on my body what was being played on the screen.
I became even more withdrawn than I naturally was, and started self-harming - banging my head against walls, drinking bottles of pain medication. My parents discovered what was happening around the end of that year (2002), and banned him from contacting us ever again, but they did not bring about legal action.
This obviously made my behavioral problems worse. I had a respite of three years before I started puberty at eight, which was also when my eating disorder began; I was molested by a male gynecologist at nine, tried to kill myself, and shortly after this began to menstruate, which exacerbated the bullying I already suffered at school for being "odd" (read: autistic). I was something of a frequent pornography user at this age, but strangely enough never masturbated to it or became aroused by it.
At eleven, in secondary school, my shirts were often pulled up or yanked down, the buttons frequently broken, so the boys could take photographs of me on their camera phones and trade them amongst themselves with captions like "big tit slut" and "bombshell ;)". I was bullied by the other girls, vicious and intelligent young women, because of this attention, and because of my self-harm habit. At twelve, my eating disorder was getting worse and worse, and I ended up trying to kill myself for the second time; in the hospital, on sedatives, I was groped by the young man in the bed next to mine.
At thirteen, I discovered child pornography on what is known among internet users as the "deep web", only accessible with certain software. I found (and still find) it to be absolutely disgusting, but felt an urge to explore this seedy underbelly further. As the pornography I saw became more extreme, I felt worse and worse until, unbelievably, I came across footage of myself at five. After this, I never viewed child pornography again; the non-sexual need to explore it was sated.
At fourteen I was 5'9" and 71 pounds. While I am currently in recovery from my eating disorder, I have thirty percent kidney function and have had to have part of my esophagus removed. I have extensive bodily scarring and suffer from schizophrenia, depression and borderline personality disorder.
I have a wonderful and vehemently anti-porn boyfriend and good friends, but it is not over.
Yesterday, (it is the 2nd of March, 2013), I was raped on a night out, the first since my nervous breakdown at the end of last year. This has prompted me to submit my story of abuse here, and to show everyone how awful pornography can be, and is.
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Jitka (Comparisons of her to porn performers by her boyfriend gave her self-image problems and caused her to become anorexic) (female, 17, Canada, YouTube) (Feb. 18, 2013)
HOW PORNOGRAPHY MADE ME ANOREXIC
I had my first sexual relationship when I was fourteen years old, in the summer between grades 9 and 10. My boyfriend at the time was three years older than me, so naturally him telling me I was pretty made me feel really good.
About four months into the relationship, he began to compare me to porn stars. I had known he had an addiction to pornography but I tried to ignore it, though it made me feel terrible. He said I didn’t weigh enough, that “girls in porn aren’t that skinny, they’re smooth and curvy.”
Then, once I did gain weight, trying to be beautiful for him, he told me to loose weight, which I had to go to extreme measures to accomplish. He also would repeatedly suggest disgusting ideas he got from porn, such as s/m (sadomasochism), and things like pouring soda pop into my vagina, or putting marbles into it. His reasoning was always, “I saw this in a porn movie once and the girl went wild!” I always replied with, “Yeah, that’s what she’s paid to do.”
Now out of that hostile relationship, I am with an amazing guy who finds porn as repugnant as I do, though the effects of the old relationship are obvious. I have trust issues, I still have an eating disorder, and I have many self-image problems. My current boyfriend hates my ex for how badly he damaged me emotionally, and once attempted to speak to him about it. My ex proceeded to say that I was “terrible in bed and needed the help."
For anyone who may want to know, I am seventeen years old, attending University, and am undergoing treatment for my self-image problems.
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Tanya (Porn ruined her childhood & marriage) (female, 30, U.S., Facebook) (November 13, 2012)
PORNOGRAPHY RUINED MY CHILDHOOD AND MY MARRIAGE
When I was young I was molested by my teenage brother who would keep and show me pornography, and who ended up going to jail for molesting another girl.
I was engaged when I discovered my fiancé’s use of pornography. I had talked to him about my views on it beforehand, and talked to him again. He said he would stop and that he didn’t use it that often. After we were married he managed to get a better paying job and started spending over $3000 a month on pornography, leaving me with barely enough. He’d blame the cost at truck stops for his lack of money, and when I went to check his bank statement he threatened to have me arrested.
Our sex life was dwindling and he wasn’t interested in talking about his fantasies or trying anything new. We were both part of an Internet community and I discovered, by freak happenstance, a sexual conversation in a chat thread between him and a girl.
I confronted him and he admitted to having online girlfriends and using pornography, and he even let me see his e-mails. Yet he blamed me for his infidelity, saying I was too demanding and that I ignored him in order to spend time with my friends, that I was boring. I sought counseling, he refused it. He had started attending an addiction recovery program but he stopped going after two meetings.
I found out he had gotten back in touch with one of his online girlfriends and I refused to have sex with him, and he raped me in front of our 8 month old son. The abuse continued and long story short I managed to get away from him. I got in touch with his younger brother’s girlfriend and they told me how glad they were I had gotten away from him and started telling me how when I had moved in with him he had dumped a bunch of pornography with them. Much of it was abusive and centered on bondage and rape. I was horrified, but I knew then why he was so comfortable with forcing himself on me -- he had watched it so often it meant nothing to him to use me.
I wish I had known sooner -- it could have spared me and my children a lot of pain and trauma. He would never tell me his fantasies because his fantasies involved abusing women and taking them by force.
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Starr (Was married to an abusive porn addict) (female, YouTube) (Sept. 6, 2012)
My ex-husband that I was married to for five years was a Minister. He is now an EX-Minister. I found out during the marriage that he had a secret addiction for all types of porn... violent and graphic porn that I never heard of until I came across it with him... like Bestialty Porn. Also Homosexual, Lesbian, Bondage, Groupie Porn etc... He enjoyed masturbating and looking at it. In fact, later he would masturbate sometimes right in front of me and he would stop wanting the natural penetration of sex and foreplay because he had "nothing left" after masturbating... He only wanted ORAL sex... wanting me to rub his penis and give him pleasure, however I wanted the satisfying penetration of REAL sex, you know, the type that makes you pregnant!
He would become quite physically abusive if I refused to rub his penis...I saw the "Love & Cherish" we enjoyed initially gradually suffocate into a death-like bizarre state when he begin taking unexpected naked pictures of me walking around the house or coming out of the shower. He would laugh hysterically as if it was one big joke. He went so far as saying he would like to make a videotape of me, his WIFE, having sex with TWO men...
I was livid, shattered, depressed and I asked him to seek help repeatedly, which he didn't. It was CLEAR that my husband didn't wish to seek help, and no longer desired to "love & cherish" me, his wife.. I later found out that he got infected with "Trichomoniasis," due to his outrageous sexual activities, and now his body is stricken with parasites....
Thankfully I was called to peace from that marriage and have now seen real "love & cherish"!
I hope my personal story can be of help to all who deal with sexual addictions and the HARM they have on relationships...
I WHOLEHEARTEDLY advocate this site. Keep up the BEAUTIFUL work...What you're doing is the TRUTH!! I SUPPORT YOU ALL THE WAY.
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Carolyn B. (Was raped by a "friend" who is a porn addict and avid porn star "fan", plus was a childhood victim of incest by a porn addict) (female, 45, U.S., Twitter) (August 21, 2012)
I Was Sexually Abused Twice By Porn Addicts - Once As a Child, Once As an Adult
Almost 3 years ago, I was tricked and raped by a male friend who was like a big brother figure to me. At first, I blamed his actions on the fact that he had been drinking. Then, I came across his Twitter account page. There, I saw that he follows and tweets to numerous porn stars.
He also follows a sexual sadist/woman-hater called ProSexTips (as do more than 70,000 men and women). ProSexTips' trademark is to make perverted, pornographic, derogatory "jokes" about women daily and almost exclusively.
I then realized that the rapist's actions had little to do with alcohol, and more to do with his distorted perception and objectification of women, fueled by his addiction to pornography. A study I read shows that, when men view scantily clad women, the tool-usage part of their brain is activated. That is, they view women as objects to be used.
As a child, I was a victim of incest by a teenage relative who was also addicted to pornography, and used me as an object upon which to act out his fantasies.
Anonymous Girl (Child sexual abuse & exposure to porn caused youthful sexual promiscuity as well as porn & sex addiction) (Female, 17, U.S.) (July 14, 2012)
PORNOGRAPHY AND MOLESTATION TURNED ME INTO A SEX AND PORN ADDICT
It all started when I was about 4 years old. I remember being molested by the daughter of one of my mom's friends. She wasn't much older than me but it DID make an impact on my life. She would make me do oral sex on her and vise versa.. And when I was about 6-8 I was molested by a boy not much older than me, too. He would make me watch porn and do things to me. That's where the porn first started.
I honestly cannot remember a point in my life where I didn't know what porn and sex was. I just remember always seeing it on the movie channels on my TV and on the computer. It traumatized me and affected my life in the future as well. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 years old, thinking: "I can't wait to have sex. I don't care who it is, I just want to do it." And that's exactly what happened when I started getting sexual at age 12. I had sex with one of my friends, she was also a girl, because porn inflicted on my mind that it was okay to have sex and that it was fun and pleasurable. So I did it.
I didn't have another sexual experience until I was 15. I randomly decided one day after watching porn (I had been watching it almost every day for years) that I wanted to lose my virginity. I called up the one guy I knew who would do it and 20 minutes later, I was no longer a virgin.
But it doesn't stop there. I turned into a sex addict because the porn just wasn’t enough anymore. I am now 17 years of age and I have had sexual intercourse with at least 25 guys since I was 15, and 6 girls since I was 12, other random sexual things with at least 30 people, and I’ve kissed around 50 different people in attempts to get more.
This also gave me a reputation and made everyone take advantage of me. I was date raped when I was 16 and I knew I couldn’t tell because no one would believe the “whore.” I was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions by several different guys (such as being held down on a school bus by two guys and being touched, people randomly grabbing my chest and butt at schools and different places, people making sexual gestures towards me and bluntly asking me to give them “blow jobs” or anything like that), and many other things. If I would have never been exposed to porn, I probably would have never come to this.
My sexual addiction and porn addiction ruined my reputation and my relationships with friends, families and boyfriends. And it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I finally came out and told my mother everything and I have gotten help for my addictions and found ways to cope with them and to push the urges away. I also got tested for STDs.
Now everything has slowly been going away. I have only had sex with my ex boyfriend and 2 other people in the past 6 months and I am very proud of myself for my progress. And my intent now is to not have any sex again until I am with the person I love. And I'm sticking to it. I'm very grateful for my supporting mother as well.
I will NEVER go back to that lifestyle, and I encourage my friends to wait to have sex because of the risk of STDs, to protect their reputation, and to avoid pregnancy. And porn will NEVER be allowed in my house or on my computer when I’m living on my own.
This is my 100 percent real story and I hope it helps everyone wait to have sex because things CAN and do get out of hand when you least expect it. And I was one of the lucky people who did not get any STDs. But not everyone is that lucky. I have several friends who have HIV.
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Stephanie (Found her live-in boyfriend watching teen porn, was heart-broken & left him) (female, 25, student/PT worker, NY, U.S., YouTube) (April 19, 2012)
The sex industry has taken a huge toll on my life. I've always found that as girls and women, we are under an immense amount of pressure. I've had issues of self-harming throughout my life. Eating disorders, anxiety, depression, self-harming, you name it. I always felt the sex industry was wrong, but because it's all around us and so popular and almost "normal" in America, I was forced to heed.
"When a man looks upon another woman with lust in his eyes, he has already committed adultery in a woman's heart." I've always felt connected to this statement.
Why is it OK for men to constantly go to strip clubs and watch pornography? Why is it ok for a man to do this to us women? Why is it the "norm" for these things to take place during bachelor parties, etc?
Recently, I've discovered my live-in boyfriend of 3 years watches teen pornography. As a 25 year old woman, this broke my heart, and my self esteem. As if I didn't have enough innate insecurities and pressures from the media every day of my life, I now felt this pressure and pain from my boyfriend. In my heart, I felt what he was doing was wrong and ended up leaving him because of it.
Are there any men out there that actually respect and love women? These teen pornography videos exploit very young girls, some of which are not even really 18. A man should be attracted to a woman, not a young girl. This shows that he objectifies women, dehumanizing them. This is a sickness! I truly believe it is.
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Shelby P. (Porn has made her feel insecure & caused mistrust & difficulties with her boyfriend) (female, 15, student, Canada, YouTube, emolover118able) (Feb. 2, 2012)
How Pornography Is Affecting Me and My Relationship
I may be only 15 but the porn industry has a major effect on me. I have talked a LOT with my boyfriend about porn, and how it makes me feel, and he hasnt watched it since we started dating. But just the thought of him watching OTHER women having SEX with men disgusts me. It makes me feel insecure about myself.
I am his first time experiencing sex and he told me after actually experiencing making love that porn is just disgusting, and it really grosses him out knowing that they are acting.
I always seem to start a fight with him about what he used to watch and how it makes me feel. This hurts his feelings, but I CAN'T control it. Whenever the slightest thing that reminds me of porn comes up I automatically think of him watching porn, and I start to cry because I feel as though I don't match up to the "sexy" women that he has seen, or I'm not making the right noises or positions.
My feelings get really hurt by it and I don't know what to do. I have tried forgetting and forgiving. I have forgiven him, but the emotional effect porn has on my mind I can't forget. I have been battling an eating disorder because I feel as though i don't look "sexy" or "hot" enough. I have physically harmed myself because of how frustrated I have gotten knowing that MY boyfriend has just seen people having sex.
I believe that the human body should be shared with the person you love, NOT the ENTIRE world.
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Erin W. (Broke up with dishonest porn-using ex-boyfriend & found great new porn-free boyfriend) (female, New Zealand, YouTube) (Jan. 15, 2012)
A PARTNER USING PORNOGRAPHY IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME
Despite the prevalence and social acceptance of pornography in our society, it is logically sound to consider it a form of cheating. If you are with someone who uses pornography, you do not have to accept this usage as an inevitable part of male sexuality.
My first boyfriend used pornography. I became attached to him, before I knew about the porn, because I was in a bad emotional state when I met him. It was hard to find the strength to face that he was using it. Even though it is very common for men to use it, I was too innocent to know this. He tried to act like I was being unreasonable by being opposed to it, claiming that “all males watch it”. I still broke up with him.
“All men use porn” was repeated to me by practically all of my friends whom I confided in. Most girls, even though they had a natural repulsion towards their boyfriends watching pornography, simply accepted their boyfriends’ use of it. A good friend of mine told me her own boyfriend explained it to her and that he “wasn’t attracted to them”. Why doesn’t he get off on a hardware catalogue then? It’s sad the lies some of us can believe.
Today, it has been years since I ditched my porn-using ex, and my future is much brighter. My current boyfriend is the smartest person I know. It has taken me time to finally trust that he is not going to do what my ex did, because my ex was so persistent in trying to convince me that all men used it. My boyfriend doesn’t use pornography, and he is intelligent and fantastic. He considers it prostitution, and an exploitative form of cheating. I know him better than anyone does, so I know better than anyone that he’s not lying to me.
I don’t like it when people say that men are lying when they say they don’t use porn, because it encourages such a low standard for men in relationships. I’m sure there are lots of men who do not use pornography. Perhaps consumers of porn just want to paint a picture, so women think they cannot get better than them.
Now that I am with someone who does not use it, pornography still bothers me. It bothers me because it is cowardly; there is no sense of cause and effect. Men who would feel exploitative if they were to go to a brothel feel more or less ok with their pornography habits, even though it is still contributing to the demand for prostitution; because pornography is prostitution, with a camera. If you are contributing towards the demand, you are a supporter and you are part of the industry. And even clicking on advertised links can increase profits of these businesses. I do not believe in turning sex into a commodity, as the sex industry does.
It is bothersome that pornography is clearly a form of cheating on one’s partner. Many people would feel cheated on if they discovered their partner was watching a couple having sex (especially whilst getting off).
These women in pornography are real women. It is a double standard to say it is cheating to masturbate over someone other than your partner on webcam, and then to say pornography is okay, when it’s masturbating to real people. Those who say that all men do it, and to “get over it,” are ridiculous. If we simply accept behaviour that we do not enjoy, it reinforces it as a social norm and people will continue to believe it is okay to act that way.
One might ask how pedantic does one get about loyalty in a relationship? And I suppose some people happily have relationships where they are knowingly having sexual relations other people. But my main point is that there is nothing irrational or unreasonable about considering pornography cheating.
Relationships cannot work if two people have a different idea of what loyalty is, so if you have a problem with pornography, you should try your best to do what you believe is right.
Thanks.
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Kimi Gee (Ex-underage porn performer with her porn illegally still on the Internet) (female, 42, U.S.) (Dec. 26, 2011)
It's not my fault I was in porn, it started when I was underaged, just like Traci Lords, but without fake IDs. I was lured by a porn retail predator, and not willingly in the first place.
The porn industry tries to glamorize itself on mainstream TV that it is good for relationships. Maybe it is, on the front-end, about 5%, the other 95% of the hundreds of billions of dollars is made off of smut --slice-and-dice re-releases derived from original films, then recreated into the worse possible productions imaginable. The smut that's out there does not promote love and lust in relationships... it promotes sickening disgustment, not a turn-on at all, almost numbing.
Wake up America. What Playboy, Hustler, Excalibur, AEBN, Sin City, Pleasure, VOD.com, and other adult porn industries really makes its millions off of is smut and child porn! You know, Vivid tried to sue AEBN for this crap and Pleasure tried to sue the satellite cable company of New Frontier Media that runs Ten channel, but when billions are flocking in by consumers... not even the production companies have the power to regulate this multitude of smut, nor the funds to go up against the billions made off this type of GREED, while the performers who had been mass exploited got how much for the smut...? NOTHING, NOT A PENNY!
And to you production companies I worked for in a few films in 1997: Warning: all your films with Kimi Ji footage have been sliced-and-diced by other porn companies, especially those with a reputation of taking other company's footage and re-hashing it. Yeah, it's your footage, I left the industry then and have not made any films in 14 years.
Also, if Caballero passed away and the contact address for him and production companies I never worked for are all located at the same contact address... yet, they are using footage mainly from films of another production company from 1997 that shut down, and therefore is no longer business licensed to have resold the footage... HOW COME THE FOOTAGE IS BEING PIRATED!! PIRATED!!!! Do ya'll even care? 100 smut films that shouldn't be out on the market, and those actually are some of the worst of the slice-and-diced, and should be confiscated and removed, to say the least.
These going-ons compare to the treatment of slave laborers during the slave trade era, but at least the slaves got a roof over their heads and food on the table for their labors -- at least they got something for their efforts, not just sheer misery.
Let me give you an example: the contact for Excalibur and its domains is a ficticious name, so who then are you guys giving your credit card info to? It could even be funding terrorism, for all you know. And the fan pages do not email to me, it's a SCAM and emails the website instead.
Also, it is sickening how Hustler's owner can brag that he can pay some jailbird $500,000 to do porn, yet he hasn't paid one penny for hundreds of performers for thousands of bootleg films being sold on his website, not even for promotional bios, while selling child porn on his site.
I would love to point out to Playboy and Hustler where child porn is on their sites for sale!! Isn't the sale of child porn illegal? It is available for sale on most of the millions of adult websites online, and no one at the government level has come down on these websites and adult companies for it, only on every other issue except this one, WHICH IS THE MAIN ISSUE! If I were the government I would have put a stop to it in the first place, the smut films with no scripts nor value, and confiscated all funds made from it.
The bootleg smut that has been coming out is not good for relationships. For example, a performer gets a script with lines to memorize, has a scene, thinking she picked a particular part to only perform certain tasks, and therefore there were choices, plus pay. The bootleg slice-and-dice films, half of which are automatically recreated by one of the porn retailers based on search terms... are heartless, being it is all mostly recreated by a computer machine mechanically.
Why am I in smut with transvestites (no offense, but I'm female), horse and animal porn, and films where certain performers have passed away due to Aids/HIV or are infected...? When none of that was how the original films were made? Those were sliced into those type of films using special effects, mechanically and heartlessly. Very inhumane! And you lawyers say that could not affect me, my careers, and life, and could only be compensated by proving loss of my current income? Shouldn't I be compensated for reputable damages? Come on America, it's ridiculous and no one should have to be treated that way. It is horrible!
Besides, pornography causes people to be distracted from reality, causes violent behavior, causes men to treat women poorly or in an obnoxious manner, to disrespect their fellow comrades, and ruins the lives of the performers, especially those who are NOT doing porn.
Some performers only entered porn for a year and only did maybe 30 films, some only one and realized it was a mistake. That does not mean that person deserves to be splattered and exploited across millions of pages online, no one deserves that type of treatment. Every human being has a right to make mistakes, but also has a right to move on and do other things, go back to school, get a normal job.
Smut is like slave labor, because in the past, if a performer was going through hard times, did a few films, and didn't get paid much, a VHS tape would be on and off the shelves for a short time that it was around. Now streaming footage is exploited online over a million pages for all the world to see, without performer pay or permission. Are slave labor contracts not illegal in America, and therefore void? Are there not laws to protect people's choices to agree or not to agree, and if you're not being paid for performances, isn't it therefore slave labor, especially if you would have never agreed to the manner in which the films coming out are presented?
Why America, why allow it to occur? Or are you just not aware what's been going on? Those films were slice-and-diced into 400 or so unpaid rereleases per performer over a period of 14 years that the internet has been around -- with current production dates, misleading consumers as to when the footage was made, (by not listing those films as compilations with true production dates or use of rerelease dates), and by presenting the films as new films while putting performers on box covers without box cover pay nor agent fees. Even worse -- it's not how the footage was made, but what's presented is a knock-off bootleg version of the worse smut imaginable, no scripting, no value, just smut.
Where are the laws, America? Why doesn't anyone stand up and say "it's wrong," "it's inhumane!"? There are laws, but everyone turns a blind eye, and why... because if laptops and technology are to be sold, being porn is the main search of men -- why do they allow it to happen and remain in their search engines, while locating their main facilities abroad to avoid US taxes, so they can make more sales and be invisible behind ficticious names that are virtually immune to US regulations? Just another form of GREED? Whose campaign funds are funded by it if anyone can donate online? Let's hope whoever America picks for their next candidate, will be willing to see that it is wrong, what's been going on.
It doesn't help that mainstream networks glamorize the unregulated internet, while not realizing the damages caused by it, that it's not cool to be unregulated, instead it's very damaging to many individuals. Caring starts at the bottom of the chain, and when something this horrible is allowed, the effects trickle up to every level in one form or another, and by then, it's a mess.
I'm so sick of hearing, "that's Kimi Gee," and other very annoying comments, when I haven't even been doing porn the past 14 years, and it's only because of the 400 smut streaming footage splattered online that I did not do.
It's disgusting that the government did not put a stop to the smut in the first place. If the hundreds of thousands of smut streaming pieces of footage are removed, what is the internet left with? A BETTER QUALITY OF LIFE! Men will still look up porn, but at least they'd be looking up what they're supposed to, not disgusting bootleg remakes that cause violent behavior and the disrespectful treatment of women in an abusive manner.
There's a reason why many countries have simply decided to block porn completely: because most of it is SMUT, and it's very damaging to the economical and psychological state of any nation!! I have one question for America, why allow it to continue that way? It simply isn't right, AND the only way it will change is if it is PUBLIC POLICY. So either the PUBLIC as a whole stands up and says it's WRONG, or this endless torture will NEVER STOP!
If nothing else, America, keep in mind that all the smut online is pointing straight to America... which makes America look bad. Think of that when you're trying to generate funds in an already suffering economy. If you don't care enough to fix the problem, why should funding sources care about you? It's already happened where everyone in public positions would have to wonder if they were even getting another paycheck, if America was on the verge of bankruptcy. Well, if the hundreds of billions of smut was so great to the economy... WHY IS THE ECONOMY SUFFERING ANYHOW? DID YOU REALLY BENEFIT FROM LETTING IT OCCUR?
If you didn't stand up to it and make an effort to put a stop to it, you let it occur! And why should it even be your problem...? The catch 22 of the laws state that it must be "PUBLIC POLICY" in order to enforce change upon the matter of SMUT!
I'm sure all the smut producers, many being foreign and preying off of US-made footage, including the out-sourcing company that bragged how it makes millions while out-sourcing the worse editing of footage to some foreign worker for $5 pay a day to make smut, while no one even considers that the reason no one edits it that way here is because it makes America look bad, of course the performers did not agree to it, it's dated fraudulently, and it's simply wrong... all these producers are sitting back drenched in their billions of dollars laughing at America while the economy suffers, laughing in the darkest gloom of your economical destruction because you all never even bothered to do anything about it.
You can still change what's been going on! The first step is public awareness. I've taken the time to put this out, so you know. I won't tell you what films, because I'm not going to have a bunch of pedophiles using the links to purchase those. Just know: all films dated year 1999 until present date were either derived from child pornography, or derived from films from year 1997, listed mostly by production companies other than those Kimi Gee had worked for, which have been sliced-and-diced in a horribly unbecoming manner that is very damaging.
Please people, how could it NOT be damaging? Really?
Now, please take the time to write your congressmen, consumer affairs divisions, or business licensing organizations to ask why it's allowed. Write the Federal Trade Commission, the FBI, the Labor Department, advocates, and anyone you can think of... to let them know that you don't agree the smut should be there. I've already written to them! Nothing will be done until enough individuals step up and say it's wrong!
Having a contract with a performer to pay a performer for a film, plus extra if they are going on a box cover, plus a separate contract if using a biography to promote A PARTICULAR FILM only, means: The contract is for the original film and compilations from it, promotional material for that film, box cover only if paid for originally, and nothing more -- especially since the performer's agent only got a fee for that scene of that film and no other films.
You want to put out another new release with a new production date of NOW? Be prepared to pay for that film, plus the box cover, plus damages for your lies about when the footage was produced, and for recreating the footage in an unacceptable manner without script in the worse possible manner in all of existence.
Law enforcement could care less, the public could care less. Or maybe you do care. If so, write your politicians and enforcers. The Feds could care less, the US government could care less -- until enough of the public reacts in the matter.
Hundreds of lawyers who have already been faxed could care less unless I stick a huge paycheck in front of them, and it would still not get anywhere... But the porn industry and retailers will HAVE TO PAY FOR LABOR AND DAMAGES... for those 400 films and any others exploited all over the internet on millions of webpages. This unregulated activity of bootleg smut MUST BE PAID FOR!!
The system has failed, but that doesn't mean there is not a solution. Some attorneys say what I'm telling you is unclear, in general, or meaningless, but I doubt those attorneys find smut disturbing and probably get off on it. Wake up, America, tell me, DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING? Am I not typing in English?
If nothing else, since bars and liquor stores have to card people that they are age 21 to buy alcohol, then why do you not push for Federal and State laws that porn retailers and websites cannot publically display nudity and porn until after it is provable that the party is an adult of age 18? Bars and liquor stores don't just ask, are you 21? Any kid or teenager under 18 could say, yeah I'm an adult... and look at all the disgusting smut online. Get a life America, wake up!
I want the child pornography and re-releases derived from it removed from each and every porn site online, enough is enough. Just because Traci Lords is a blonde, doesn't mean I'm not a US citizen since I'm half Asian. I am! I have rights, and it's time for America to let the government know how you feel about it!
I can't do it alone, and it's been an ongoing battle for many, many years. There is always a solution! Stand up to it America, and take back your dignity! And when you vote for your next president, make sure you don't vote for someone who is brain-washed by smut and won't do a darn thing about it. It doesn't benefit society... it destroys it!
Kahshanna Evans (Had her identity as a professional actress stolen & abused by a pornographer. Is seeking help to bring him to justice) (female, Los Angeles, CA) (Dec. 20, 2011)
Hi, my name is Kahshanna Evans. In the year 2006 I caught a man named Jim McBride, owner of Chicago-based popular porn company S K Entertainment and owner of Mr. Skin dot com, (a porno website claiming to show naked celebrities meanwhile using their names to promote his pornography) using my likeness, identity and name on IMDB - a then and still highly respected film industry database I was listed on for the films I have done as a legitimate actress. This site is used by film industry professionals to identify working actors and easily access their resume of achievements. My own achievements listed on my acting resume include work with HBO, the Chris Rock Show, Law & Order: SVU and work with Ben Stiller.
Jim McBride listed his pornography film under my profile claiming I had done a film entitled Black Male and clicking to his site it is insinuated Kahshanna Evans from Riverside, California (there's only one and that's me) has a porno alias, and by clicking links into his website he could show nude photos of me. The clicks lead to a prompt to pay for a membership.
It took seven years to have IMDB remove the false porno film from my profile, meanwhile the database grew in being a reliable source for the film industry. I hired a boutique public relations firm who finally elicited a response from IMDB to remove the pornographic film claiming to be my work. Terms for what he is doing include Cyber Bullying, Identity Theft, Copyright Infringement, Electronic Harassment.
Thanksgiving Friday of 2011 I found Mr. Skin was at it again, this time having taken KahshannaEvans as a user name and linking it to his site claiming if people wanted to see me nude to just click the hyperlink and they'd be able to.
Here is an article that I stumbled on with more about him:
The ripoff report I came across has a response from a lawyer which I called and they suggested I email him at the customer service email.
Mr. Skin's Facebook page that he promotes himself on:
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Mr-Skin/30992850409
I am interested in gaining the support of someone to permanently stop him and send him a message that he can't just go around stealing identities of people to promote his pornography website.
I was positive the email I sent to the customer service would be as highly valued as a snowflake - interestingly enough he was responsive getting a cease and desist letter from Simpson, Thacher and Bartlett, LLP.
I am someone Jim McBride stole identity from and I want him to stop permanently. I contacted Twitter and they had the false profile removed. I thought it was strange with a few very weird followers on Twitter that were very young with user names like 'getsome', etc., but after I found his Twitter in my name that links to the webpage that has been using my name without permission since anywhere between 2000 when the movie came out and 2006 when I actually caught him, it's no wonder some young, horny idiot would mistake the misleading links and information Jim McBride strategically designed and profited from.
I have just started a new job three months ago and am looking to have a quality professional image... not the smut that comes up in Google with the right 'key' words.
Though I am in New York City, I have reported Jim McBride to the Chicago Police, ic3.gov - a website for fraud, the Illinois Attorney General, Twitter and directly his customer service.
I need help and support and I'm angry and frustrated. I have worked really hard for two decades for whatever name or image I have. After loosing a home in California I relocated back to New York this year, so my dreams of a fancy legal flogging are not within my grasp. I just got a job at a small Technology Company and don't want that threatened or my name further damaged and I don't think it's ok for a multi million dollar company to get away with stealing identities like this and to be able to skirt on a cease and desist letter. Please help.
Thank you,
Kahshanna Evans
CONTACT INFO: Please contact me through the contact page at my website kashannaevans.com:
NOTE: My website is a FLASH website and as such cannot be viewed or accessed on Apple computers or Apple mobile devices such as iPads or iPhones, as they do not support Adobe Flash. So if you would like to view my site or use my contact form on my contact page, please use a PC or mobile Android device to do so. Thank you.
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http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0262933/
Ma Collection de Alain Afflelou
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feminismo3x (Pretending to lust after guys in porn made the point with her boyfriend of how she feels when he lusts after other women in porn) (female, 22, U.S.) (Nov. 12, 2011)
DISTURBATION: Instead of explaining to my boyfriend about how I felt about him lusting after other women in porn while being in a relationship with me, like I had tried in the past, I decided to just put him in my position.
As we were laying there in his apartment bedroom, I pretended to masturbate to Thor, the supposedly sexy chiseled godlike actor, and Edward, the supposedly hot dangerous vampire in Twilight, both of whom I don’t even know their real names.
So I moaned ,“Oh Thor.. oh yeah.. Edward.. yes yes yes!” And not to my surprise, my boyfriend, upset and utterly disturbed, turns the other way and says flat out “You’re disgusting.” So I try to comfort him by putting my hand on his shoulder. “Honey, are you OK?” He stays faced away and says in a monotone voice, “Don’t touch me, you gross me out,” and throws my hand off him.
I hold back my giggle, instead, I pretended to give him an angry tone: “Honey, you need to grow up, OK, it’s normal, everyone does it. God, I’m not hurting anyone, I’m just in the moment to get off and then I'll be done. I still love you.” I smiled, and gave him a big hug. He pushes me off again. I can tell he was hurt. “At least I’m not watching Thor or Edward naked with their rock hard abs and hard c*ck, like you do with…” He continues: “I told you I stopped watching porn already, OK?”, and he assured me he was on the same page: “PORN IS WRONG. So.. you were masturbating to both Thor and Edward?.. AT THE SAME TIME??? EWWW! GROSSS!!! GET OFF ME!!”
“NO stupid," I replied, "I wasn’t even thinking about them. I was just trying to prove a point.”
Still disturbed.. he laid there with his arm over his forehead... Grossed out.
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Lance (Heartbroken by what he's seen in extreme pornography while doing research) (male, 26, U.S.) (Aug 11, 2011)
I discovered a website called "Latina Abuse" while I was researching different forms of sexual abuse for a domestic violence clinic. I found out the makers of this website also make websites called "Facial Abuse" and 'Ghetto Gaggers."
I came on this website (AntiPornography.org) and posted how horrified I was on the "Share Anti-Porn Comments" page. The founder of this website was kind enough to reach out to me and encourage me to post on this page. I want to let you all know after viewing these sites, my heart goes out to the women who undergo humiliation for money, the abusive men who destroy these women on screen, and the people who watch this.
These websites feature men slapping women, spitting on women, choking women, brutally forcing women to give them oral sex, and extreme anal and vaginal penetration. The men oftentimes put the women in headlocks and other UFC fighter type chokeholds and the women frequently vomit. The men then proceed to hit them. Oftentimes the women even cry. The men ridicule them more. It is clear their cries are very real, and this isn't part of the "script."
Here is a 10 second example of the kind of violent porn that is making money these days:
WARNING: THIS CLIP IS EXTREMELY DISTURBING HARDCORE PORNOGRAPHY THAT FEATURES A MAN PLACING A YOUNG WOMAN IN A CHOKEHOLD WHILE SHE IS PERFORMING ORAL SEX. HE CHOKES HER UNTIL SHE CRIES. THIS PAIN IS VERY REAL SO DO NOT VIEW THIS UNLESS YOU FEEL YOU CAN REALLY HANDLE IT.
NOTE: To view content at below URL copy and paste it into the address bar of a separate tab or page and then hit ENTER on your keyboard.
http://m.worldstarhiphop.com/video.php?v=wshhPQ987GjfJlGmRV98
At the conclusion of these videos the men ejaculate on the womens' faces, spit on them, and the women usually cry. The men shout racist insults to the women. (I saw a scene with one Latina woman during which they smeared guacamole and vomit on her face)
Further, during the whole ordeal, the men ridicule the woman by asking her insulting questions. If she is Spanish-speaking, they ask her "How do you say 'I'm a whore' in Spanish?" Or they ask questions like, "Ever been abused like this before?"
I did some background research on the founders of these abusive porn websites and they claim that it is all an act, and it is no different than boxing, where adults consent to such activities. But the abuse in these films is very real, and I believe the filmmakers are heavily insulated from contract liability. (They have a team of attorneys working for them). Here is an interview with the maker of those films:
TEXT:
AUDIO: (Note: Interview begins at 30:08)
There was apparently a case where one of the participants named "Ivy", a Ghanaian immigrant who was in one of the Ghetto Gaggers videos, tried to commit suicide after making the film. (Not sure on the details, but read about it.)
Seeing these videos broke my heart because it is clear many of these young women, though they sign a contract, are not ready for the kind of abuse they endure. These videos are widely available on YouTube-type porn sites. Soon this will become the norm and porn watchers will be stimulated by women realistically "tapping out" because of so much fierce intense physical abuse.
Once upon a time peeking at a pair of breasts was enough to stimulate. Now people will become accustomed to watching amateur porn actresses being penetrated anally, orally, and vaginally in the most abusive way possible, short of actually killing them. Surely this can't all be justified under the shield of contract law, no?
I would love for outreach members of AntiPornography.org to find a way to reach out to the women who acted in these videos and ask them-why did they do this video? Did they need the money to feed their kids? Do they truly just enjoy rough sex and the guys who make those videos are masters of editing? When the women cry, is that real?
Again, the websites are: LatinaAbuse.com, GhettoGaggers.com and FacialAbuse.com
I felt so bad while watching those women get degraded, and I just feel it would be hugely beneficial for us to try and communicate with these women who acted in these videos.
My research also led me to a porn actress named Claryn Beau. She was scheduled to do a shoot for "Facial Abuse" and she could not last even 5 minutes. The abuse was so severe, and she had popped some of the veins in her eyes. She detailed this horrific incident in her blog.
WHILE THIS BLOG IS FOR ADULTS, I URGE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU TO READ HER ENTIRE BLOG AS SHE DESCRIBES THE BRUTAL EXPERIENCE OF WORKING ON THE SHOOT OF "FACIAL ABUSE."
What troubles me the most is the makers of those videos are entirely insulated by the contract. Please read her story on the following site:
I also encourage the founder and members of this website to consider exposing these filmmakers' videos as well. One woman already did this regarding "Ghetto Gaggers" with a video she made and posted on YouTube, (which is posted on the " Racism in Pornography" page on this website), but the amount of abuse and money that is being made off this kind of abuse is deeply troubling.
Perhaps we are all fooled. Perhaps the makers of these videos are no different than some of those filmmakers we saw on the "snuff film" documentary, where they managed to do an amazing job of simulating pain and suffering.
But I assure you, the women who are crying, vomiting, and being slapped and humiliated in this video are not acting.
I sincerely wish we can contact the amateur actresses who acted in these LatinaAbuse/FacialAbuse/GhettoGaggers videos.
Also, please read an anti-pornography person's blog entry on the videos of "Ghetto Gaggers" and "Latina Abuse." Please support this blog entry:
I assume nothing can be done, (as the adage goes, if you don't like it, don't watch it), but I just had to share these abusive websites with someone because I have not been able to recover from watching the clips I saw. I'm having trouble going to sleep at night because of what I watched.
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Jack (Victim of severe childhood sexual abuse, sex trafficking & sexual slavery, including filming of it) (male, 21, Canada, YouTube) (Aug 6, 2011)
I am a survivor of child sexual exploitation. The absolute hell that I went through all those years ago still haunts me to this day, both the memories and the physical, mental and emotional damage that unfortunately will never completely heal. I would not wish what I went through on the Devil himself. I hope some of you find my story to be helpful and if I can reach at least one man, woman or child, then I know sharing my painful past will have been worth it. The following is my story...
Ok, where to start. I was around 5 or 6 years old when the abuse started. It all started when I was at a Youth Group meeting and I had to go to the bathroom. I was walking to the hallway in the corner of the gym where the bathrooms were. I was met in the hallway by the leader of the group. I forget his name but he asked me where I was going and I said I had to go to the bathroom. He said he would "help" me.
I knew how to use the toilet, so I didn't need help, but I allowed him to accompany me. When I was finished he grabbed a kleenex off the counter and was "cleaning" me off. He threw the kleenex in the toilet, but continued to touch me. These trips to the bathroom with him eventually became routine, and I just accepted it as his "help". Then, when I was 6 or 7, I graduated to the next level of the Youth Group. And it is here where the truly sadistic acts of abuse took place.
The first memory I have of being abused in this new Youth Group was when I was taken to the basement of the church. There was a general rule, and that was to never go into the basement. It was "off limits". Anyways, one night the leader of the group said he wanted to talk to me about something, (I forget what exactly) but it was important. He led me out of the gym, and led me down the concrete steps into the basement. We went down the hall, turned a left, and entered the first room on the left.
All the doors were steel, and the walls were made of solid concrete. I remember that there was a small table and chairs on the right wall, and in the far corner, there was a cot, or some type of bed. He didn't turn the lights on because there was a yellow-tinted window above the bed, which let in enough light. He told me to take off my uniform. I did, down to my underwear. And then he told me to take the underwear off too. I remember tears streaming down my face as I did it. Then he said that I was perfect, and started caressing and kissing me.
ANTIPORNOGRAPHY.ORG NOTE: Because this story is extremely long and the rest of it is EXTREMELY GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING, it is continued on its own page at the link below. Just go to that page and SCROLL DOWN TO THE BREAK in the page and continue reading from there.
WARNING: Do NOT read the rest of this story unless you are okay with being exposed to a great deal of profanity (used to recount the language of the abusers) and to VERY graphic and disturbing descriptions of sadistic sex acts being carried out on a child.
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Kittens-rock (Was exposed to porn her sister was watching) (female, 12, U.S., student, YouTube) (June 4, 2011)
Well, can I just say that I love this website? It's honestly taught me so much that I never knew about porn.
Not saying that I have ever watched porn, but I know that I've caught my sister looking at it and it was girl-guy stuff but it was gross. She was on the computer that everyone can see what she's doing too! I mean, I got a glance since she was taking forever and it was horrible! I told my mom and she told my sister (23) to watch that kind of stuff in her bedroom.
I will never ever do any kind of porn or prostitution in my life after checking this website out.
Melissa (Both her boyfriend & her mother's molester boyfriend used porn & it destroyed their relationships) (female, 35, U.S.) (May 30, 2011)
I grew up with a grandpa that was a pastor. My Mom however was a wild child, and married a man that was into pornography. I remember feeling very uncomfortable around her husband when I was little, and I tried to tell my Mom how I was feeling but it backfired on me. A few years later her husband molested my little sister that was about two years old at that time, and this was his biological daughter. So my instincts even at such a young age were correct.
Our lives changed dramatically after that. Child Protective Services got involved, and they were threatening to take my little sister away from my Mom, so we moved to a state far away and changed our names. This was when my Mom legally separated from my sister’s dad. All this happened within a month or two.
My Mom was very confused as to whether my sister had truly been molested or not. She was in a state of denial, or trying to get there at least. My sister was molested because all the physical signs were present. This man also used to try to watch me while I was showering, and then when I caught him he’d try to pretend like he was just playing a prank on me.
Well several years after the molestation incident, my Mom went back to my sister’s dad. That happened nearly 20 years ago and relations with my Mom have been estranged ever since. My little sister has not spoken to our Mom in years, and she chooses to not let our Mom back into her life. That is absolutely her right to do so. My Mom and my sister’s dad only stayed together for a few years, and then broke up. It did not work out, and my Mom’s decision to go back to him caused a lot of damage in our family.
By this time I was in my early 20's and I had moved to another state to get away from my Mom. My little sister came to live with me because our Mom was back with her father that molested her. Around this time I met a man that I had strong feelings for. We moved too fast and I moved in with him without knowing him very well.
Shortly after moving in with my boyfriend, I discovered that he had been looking up porn on my computer every single morning before he went to work. It wasn’t just regular porn, but more along the lines of gay porn and searches for “pre-teens.” I waited a few months to see if this was a habit of his before confronting him on it. Well it was a habit, and it was an addiction as well. He tried to claim that he thought “pre-teens” meant that they were over 18. He then tried to claim that he thought the men he was looking at were actually women. He lied. I also found a photo picture of a transvestite in the trunk of his car.
The relationship ended and almost cost me my life. A few years into the relationship, I could no longer deal with the anxiety of the situation, and I started to take tranquilizers. I did not realize how addictive these drugs were. Why I didn’t just leave the relationship is because I was young and I was weak, and I loved this man. Fortunately I never had any children with him during the nine years we were together. I contribute that to God’s voice in the back of my head alerting me to the fact that this guy wasn’t father material.
This man never loved me. I almost died when trying to get off the tranquilizer medication I was on, and he emotionally abused me through the whole ordeal. I get online often and read stories about husbands that supported their wife through what I went through with the tranquilizer addiction, and I realize he never truly loved me. There was no love and no emotional support, only abuse. I attribute his lack of empathy and lack of compassion to his porn addiction.
I believe when men repeatedly look at such images, it desensitizes them. We are to respect ourselves and love ourselves enough to not allow such images into our minds, because God never intended for husbands to have such a lustful spirit for other women. And that is what porn does, it creates a lustful spirit. I believe that many men have been brainwashed into believing that lust is love, and this also sends very confusing messages to younger folks. It is very hard these days to find a man that behaves like a gentleman. If you watch classic movies, women behaved like ladies and men behaved like gentleman. It’s a sign that we are moving farther and farther away from God, towards a more loveless world.
Also, the friends I have that are still married have husbands that do not bring porn into their homes. Their marriages have survived and seem to be going strong.
Porn does destroy relationships and destroys marriages. It’s a terrible foundation to lay down, and a very rocky one that most likely will end in heartache and disaster.
I am now 35 and am close to obtaining my Bachelor’s degree in accounting. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life, and I will never date another man that has issues with porn again. If it should become an issue, I will walk. I plan on finishing my degree in accounting before entering another relationship because I want to have two legs to walk out on if I have to do that.
Also, I have come to view porn addictions as a form of demon possession. That is the only way I can come to grips with it psychologically, because when I think of hell, I think of a bunch of people having sex together. Sins of the father and mother are in fact passed down to children, so yes, it’s all a form of a generational curse. I also think of the devil as being incapable of love with a lustful spirit.
Like I said, everyone I know that seem to have strong marriages do not have porn issues in their marriages. I think that fact speaks volumes.
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Kat (Harmed by boyfriend's pornography use) (female, 30, U.S., YouTube, frolickunicorn) (Jan. 17, 2011))
THE HARMFUL AND ABUSIVE EFFECTS MY BOYFRIEND'S PORN USE HAD ON OUR SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP
 After reading a lot on your site, I've come to the conclusion that I already suspected. I think my ex-boyfriend was very into porn, hardcore porn. I can't go as far as to say he was an addict, but I think he watched enough of it that he became jaded in regards to sex.
He often wanted to do "facials", to put his hands around my neck, and often, if he was too rough and I would begin crying, he did not stop. I too became jaded into thinking this was ok, that he was just very horny and unable to stop having sex once he started. I thought this was ok and "normal." I know now that it's not.
There were times that if I didn't feel like having sex, he would pretty much talk me into it somehow, or force me sometimes if alcohol was involved. He is a very educated and intelligent person, so I was driven to a state of denial and believed that all of this was ok in a sense even though in the back of my head I knew it wasn't.
I found porn clips on his computer sometimes and I know that he watched it, but I suspect it was more often than I liked to believe. Even his mother said she found some on the family computer once after he'd visited for the holidays. She described it as "bad porn", so I suspect it was violent or degrading. For years our sex life was simply whatever was pleasing to him. I never had an orgasm and it didn't matter to him and honestly, not to me either as I just wanted to get it over with.
After looking on your site, I've realized that, almost without a doubt, porn was influencing this in some ways. It wasn't always this way, but when I began finding things on his computer was around the time this sort of sexual behavior began.
I'd like to thank and support you for educating people on the harms this can cause in many aspects of life, including intimate relationships. I look back and wish I'd been more aware of what was causing him to act this way sexually and why, and that it was not normal in any way. We're no longer together, but now I know I can look for these things in the future.
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Liz (Hurt by childhood sexual abuse & infidelity of porn-using ex-boyfriend) (female, 19, New Hampshire, YouTube) (Dec. 9, 2010)
Thank you so much, honestly, for making the videos at your AntiPornographyBlog YouTube channel, for spreading your message, and for waking me up!
Recently I have been dealing with a lot regarding my past. I was sexually abused when I was younger, about 5, by a family friend, and nothing was ever done. I have also been taken advantage of in a relationship where my ex-boyfriend was very into porn. It made me feel like I wasn't good enough, and I also found out that he had been cheating on me for 3 months. (Devastating).
I started to rationalize the degrading behaviors because all I've ever wanted was love, attention, and understanding. I'd do anything for it. It's all been hard to talk about, but your videos have saved one more person from a miserable life of degradation, hurt, pain, sickness, and loneliness.
A friend of mine at YouTube, SoberAllmanBrothersFan, told me about your videos and I watched them. THANK GOD I did. You've opened my eyes to how sick this whole industry is and the abusive people it creates, and the beautiful, intelligent, capable people it destroys.
I want to do anything that I can to stop this. I'm 19 years old and I was considering my options for making money. I never saw "what the big deal was" about pornography, until now. I want to do whatever I can to help other young women like myself, and put a stop to this cancer in our society.
Thank you again,
God Bless, Liz
Regretful (Childhood exposure to porn turned her into a porn user) (female, 23, Blogger) (November 23, 2010)
I'm a 23 year old woman who has been looking at porn for about 5 years now. I've actually known most of these 'truths about the porn industry' all along, (such as the ones addressed in your blog post "Jenna Jameson's 25 Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want to Become a Porn Star"), yet continued to use porn anyway. The best way I can explain it is that in the heat of the moment, I sought out porn to aid with masturbation, and temporarily ignored my intellectual disagreement with porn.
I was exposed to porn at the very young age of 12, thanks to a careless family member who stupidly left pornographic files saved onto the family computer, and pornographic magazines and VCDs in unlocked drawers. At that age, I was disgusted by the acts described. Yet, after continued exposure over the years, I became totally desensitised to the rough, filthy and hateful acts portrayed, and lost empathy for the women in the scenes. I found pleasure by relating to the male actors in the scene, as it was obvious to me that the women were just faking enjoyment/ barely concealing immense discomfort.
Right now, I've made up my mind to give up porn for the rest of my life. It's not just because of the harm done to the porn actresses. It's also because of the harm I've done to myself. My lack of empathy makes me feel like I've turned into a monster. I've lost all interest in sex; my head is too filled with images from porn. I can't take part in 'vanilla' sex without being reminded of the despicable things I've watched and feeling turned off by those images. I carry around this feeling of guilt everyday; I've helped destroy some women psychologically, and inadvertently watched actual rapes. Those images will haunt me forever.
I don't know if I can ever heal fully by abstaining totally from porn. I guess I deserve it for the harm I've caused to others. I'm hopeful that maybe in years to come, I can heal somewhat; but I have a feeling I'll be scarred for life.
Gabriel (Unwanted porn exposure as a child, porn harmed his relationships) (male, 21, Sydney, Australia, YouTube) (November 11, 2010)
 Porn harms in a big way. This is my story.
I was 13 when I first saw a pornographic movie. The sex was rough and unloving. The guy grabbed the female by the throat and cussed at her as they did their thing. As I watched my insides twisted and churned with emotions I couldn't even process. I was too young and didn't fully understand what I was seeing on the screen, so comprehending that and my emotions at the same time was impossible. As I watched I felt like I left my body and went back in again. I was shocked, emotionally sledgehammered, but paradoxically incredibly turned on by seeing a completely naked female for the first time.
The whole experience burned on my mind like a permanent mental branding. I internalised my confusion. I packed it away to process and look at another time but I couldn't shake those scenes from my mind for days after. The movie fascinated me sexually and from them on I saw a lot of porn.
My real problem was that my dad has never had a job and was always at home. He was really into porn and just used to sit around the house watching porn videos on the TV in our living room during the day while my mom was at work, so my siblings and I didn't have a choice about viewing it because we couldn't help but see it. This was especially true during school vacation times as us kids were home every day.
Later on, as I started my own sexual relationships as a late teen, I found I couldn't connect with my partner emotionally during or after lovemaking. It was like I was an empty shell. I just switched off from them although I wanted nothing more than to feel love. From foreplay onwards, I always felt the same feelings coming back up inside me as I felt the first time I'd ever seen pornography as a 13 year old. It happened to me the first time I was ever physically intimate with a female and it shook me to the core. During lovemaking I felt the same shock, the same weird emotions, the same kind of out-of-body feelings.
Those emotions from when I was 13 had been around the whole time and came out forcefully to tell me they were still around. They screamed in my face from deep inside: "Don't you forget about us!" Instead of enjoying intimacy with my partners and growing in sexual confidence with them, I grew more and more unconfident, more nervous and more self conscious.
At my worst point, last year, I became impotent for a time as lovemaking just got so stressful for me and emotionally difficult to deal with. I think my body's refusal to get an erection was my own subconscious refusal to make love. I didn't enjoy lovemaking. I just felt numb. I wanted more than anything in this world to feel LOVE when I made love, instead of stress and nervousness.
Right now I'm blessed with a really caring and understanding partner but I feel so guilty about the way I am. I'm currently in therapy and gradually I'm starting to change. My confidence is growing. My guilt is lifting. The negative emotions are not so strong. I love my girlfriend so so much for sticking with me over a difficult time. She always says to me: "I love you, you'll get better, I'm with you for good so get used to it." :) Yeah, of course I love her too. :)
It makes me sick when I think of all the people who don't know that their partner or ex-partner has put their private home-made videos up onto porn sites for thousands of strangers to see. That is so wrong and abusive. It's violating. I hate porn and I wish I'd never seen any porn at all because of how it gave me such a warped idea of my own body image, what sex is, and what lovemaking really is. I'd be glad for the whole industry to collapse and disappear as there is no doubt, no doubt at all that porn harms. It scars and leaves haunting marks inside you that cruelly play with your heart and mind. Porn harms.
I just hope that even if one parent who is like my father comes across your site and reads my story then they will have some respect for themselves, their partner and their family and stop the harm they are doing.
Thank you for your wonderful AntiPornographyBlog YouTube channel and your awesome website. Good luck with your fight and BLESS YOU. :)
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Greygirl (Harmed by childhood sexual assault, domestic abuse, and partners' use of porn and prostitution) (female, 40, Minnesota) (October 31, 2010)
I learned first-handedly, at the innocent age of six, the effects and devastation that are brought on by the objectification of women and girls in our society. Although I didn't understand it at the time, the ramifications of my new-found lesson would last a lifetime. I was gang-bang raped at the age of six by the boys in my neighborhood. This lasted until around the age of twelve when finally my brother raped me as well.
As a result I started smoking pot in the eighth grade to get away from my pain, and as time went by I graduated to other drugs as well in order to not feel the pain. Although my pain was immense, I had NO IDEA how bad it would become. I knew that life wasn't what I had been experiencing, and I had hope that I would find better people and LOVE once I was out of my home.
My first boyfriend seemed like a godsend. He worked housing homeless people and was self-professed to be passionate about the healthy treatment of women and children. (Sickened by the state of the world.) We became engaged and life seemed wonderful! I had passed through my hurt and distrust and was having a healthy relationship.
Slowly I began finding inconsistencies in his stories; strip clubs, porn, and cheating on me with hookers became the norm. Drinking was something we could do together, so I started drinking. My questioning him became his attempts on my life, anal rape, and physical abuse with everyone in his corner. I was "too sensitive", and due to my abuse I still doubted myself. After three years I finally moved on.
I moved into a home with a friend of mine from work. Long story short her married brother came into my room one night and raped me. While packing my bags to leave for California he came to talk to me and I asked him what he didn't understand about the word "no" and someone pushing him off, and he said, "All women say that, but they really want it".
California would be a new life, but I found myself binge drinking and isolated and again many abusive people honing in on my shaken self esteem. I started receiving counseling for rape and had many flashbacks and trouble holding a job. It was a time to grieve for all that I had lost. I stopped using any drugs and quit alcohol on my own.
The next relationship was with a Christian minister who was going to help me through my rape issues and teach me about the Lord. I was thankful to have been blessed with such a fine man, but again... sleeping with prostitutes and physical abuse were the outcome, as well as leaving me while pregnant. I started into group counseling for rape and sexual assault, as well as some individual counseling.
Four years went by while I was just trying to get on my feet, and I started my own pottery business to stay with my son. I felt as though I had done a lot of work to believe in myself and become an independent woman. Then I had another relationship filled with lies, infidelities, porn use, and abuse -- but this time it was only AFTER I had become pregnant. My boyfriend fractured my jaw and nearly severed my tongue ten days after the birth of our child. I finally had a voice and was going to stand up for myself: I pressed charges. But the courts did NOTHING. Counselors said we should get married!!!
I didn't follow their advice and would only see this man in public places. In a public place, at a swimming pool, he punched my then five year old boy in the face. I moved yet again to get away, but the courts had me driving two hours EVERY WEEKEND to bring my six month old daughter to see him. I started into domestic abuse counseling, attended seminars on advocacy, and then became an advocate against rape.
The next relationship started out good again. I was slow this time. He was a wonderful man with a great job. He was sweet about not having sex and about being there to help me through my counseling. He said he knew everything that I had been through and that he would show me what a real man was like. We finally started having sex, became engaged, and then pregnant. Again: lies = drinking problem = anger issues = porn addiction = online prostitution = me abused again, and again, and again.
Now my children are in the cycle. I only wrote about each to show that many victims go through more abuse due to the initial harm done. I have kept a 4.0 in school for criminal justice, and raised three bright, beautiful children who can talk about their feelings. I work out and eat healthy, but the PTSD and lack of self worth continue strong. I have done LOTS of counseling, but the triggers arise when trying for a relationship with a man. Again and again, I feel as though I'm doing well, but I am not. I am embarrassed of myself, feel ugly, feel stupid, and feel scared about whether or not I will find peace in this life. I am in both al-anon and individual counseling again.
I have met MANY women over the years who have been affected by the objectification of women and who suffer from many things: anorexia/bulimia, pulling their hair out, suicide, living in institutions, can't be in a relationship unless the man is married, became prostitutes or strippers, etc.
The devastation of porn and sexual abuse or assault is epidemic. I know that porn is used by many predators. They copy and imitate what they see with their victims. I know that many women who are abused believe that their body and sex is all they are good for. I know that with ANY objectification comes dehumanization. I know that my children are fatherless and living in poverty. I know that my life was changed forever due to the beliefs that this society finds acceptable for men, and I know that SOMETHING must be done.
Thank you,
Greygirl
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Melanie (Working in a porn & sex toys shop turned her off men) (female, 22, Germany, YouTube) (October 17, 2010)
HOW OUR "SEX SOCIETY" FOR MEN MAKES ME HAVE SERIOUS ISSUES
 Hey everyone. I've been working in an erotic store for about three years now and I must admit it is simply disgusting to see what kind of pornos men pick. (The name of the store is Erdbeermund, in case anyone is interested or lives in Germany.) The oldest men pick the teen movies, the younger the female performers the better, and the more brutal the sex acts the better. We have DVDs about men sewing up women's vaginas and everything else you can imagine.
Working in this place has really made my image of men worse. Every second DVD customer wants us to throw away the DVD cover. Why? Because he has to hide what he is watching from his wife, girlfriend, or whoever. Sometimes we have customers asking for help to pick a nice sex toy to surprise their wife, and as soon as the customer steps up to the register he asks screwed up questions like: "Where is there a whorehouse or a strip club?" Or he even changes his mind on surprising his wife and ends up buying some DVD with men peeing on women.
We have porn addicted customers calling us all stirred up because they're waiting for a new DVD that was supposed to come out. These people spend hundreds of euros on some stupid DVDs! They collect this stuff. This is sick! One of them lost his wife and has a lot of debt because of this!
As for me, I broke up with my fiancé because he was (I believe) a porn addict. He came to visit me from the US for two weeks and had nothing better to do than get up and watch porn while I was still sleeping. All he had eyes for was girls and more girls. He loved strip clubs and everything that had to do with this theme. This screwed up my love and respect for this man and he disgusted me. Plus he had double moral standards big time: For instance, he loved all these things but his own woman isn't allowed to even take sexy pictures, and gay men should be killed but lesbians are hot. Since being with this man I feel like throwing up just thinking of men liking lesbians, men watching porn, or men going to strip clubs or whatever.
This man hurt me so much that now I truly have an issue just with seeing naked women everywhere. I got to the point that I started crying when I was watching TV or if I saw a commercial for the sex hot-lines or just some movie with women taking off their bras, whether it fits in the movie or not. And this is also the reason why I stopped modeling. It is because I see all of this differently now. I could have been big in hip-hop videos but I chose not to -- because it's just the same as pornography, just not to the same degree.
I want to escape from this but I can't. I have a new boyfriend now and all of these issues I brought from my old relationship have really caused some issues already in my new one. I am simply disgusted by men. My boyfriend, who is a sweetheart, once told me that he has always dreamed of a threesome with two women, which is actually nothing really bad. But I'm so mad and disgusted just because of these things that I had to go through with my ex. I even thought about going to a psychologist.
All in all these things make me go crazy and this "sex society" that is made for men pisses me off big time. I cannot even go to a damn regular club without being forced to see female strippers hopping around in front of my boyfriend's nose, and everyone always expects me to accept it: "Men are like this," "It's in their genes," "You have to accept it," Blah, blah, blah... Get out of my face with this!
Anyway, I am so glad that I'm not the only one with these kinds of issues. Most people don't understand it. I love your site and I will try to spread it to anyone who seems open to it. Much respect to you and the anti-porn side! We need more like you!
Lina (Porn use by her boyfriends ruined her relationships) (female, 28, YouTube) (September 6, 2010)
PORN IS MAKING WAR ON LOVE, KNOWLEDGE, KINDNESS, TRUE BEAUTY AND HAPPINESS
 I am 28 years old and eight years ago when I was 20 I was in trouble because I was hanging out with some people who worked for fetish and BDSM pornographers. (BDSM = bondage, domination, sadism and masochism) I was working with them as a go go dancer and other bad things, but no sex.
I did it because I was angry with my ex-boyfriends. I found pornography pictures and videos on their computers many times and I was doing it for revenge. I kept thinking: "Why these girls and not me? Am I not sexy and beautiful etc.??" (I was sooo immoral and immature.) In a way I think that I got revenge against myself and nobody else. That was a real zero in my life, nothing good in my head!!!
When I started a relationship again I stopped what I was doing with the BDSM people. One day I found my new boyfriend with a dildo and he was watching porn with women and transsexuals. I felt so empty. :((( I thought again, "Why is he doing this? Can't I be loved? Am I so ugly? Who likes this?"
I broke up that relationship of four years and I spent one year alone. I thought that if I fell in love again I would be careful about what my boyfriend wanted and liked. Then I met someone and got involved with him. I was starting new and I was so happy. My new boyfriend was kind, etc., but one time he was staying in my house and in the morning I woke up and caught him watching porn on the computer. :( I didn't break up with him and I'm still with him now. (One year and some months later.)
I talked to my friends and my mother and they told me that many boys do that sort of thing and that I shouldn't break up because of it. But we have problems with our relationship and we haven't been intimate in many days. Instead he masturbates in the bathroom to girls in porn, plus he wants me to do those things that the girls in porn do and I don't like to do them. :(((((((((
I am feeling very sad about my boyfriend as I feel things for him and it's not easy for me to leave him. I try to explain to him how hurtful it is when he looks at pornography, but he just says that it is "nothing bad," and that he just sees it as a game!
In addition to these porn problems with my boyfriend my dad likes to see porn with animals.. :((((( I am not feeling well. I really don't know why these men are so stupid. I am sure I am not like that. I don't like these ugly ways. Why do they hurt us? Where is the love?? :(
Porn is making war on love, knowledge, kindness, true beauty and happiness. Porn is teaching people to use their body in ugly ways, like meat!
People: Open your minds and hearts. Do good things in your life. Don't throw yourselves into the garbage. You deserve the true beauty of life, whether you are healthy or not. Make your brain think healthy. Do something good. You can do it.
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Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you and that you bring me some happiness to know that there are people out there like you who understand how harmful pornography is.
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USCUSCTrojan (Former teen street prostitute) (female, 27, U.S., YouTube) (July 11, 2010)
I was a street prostitute for two years. Started when I was 17 on Holt Street in Pomona, CA. It was the only way for me to afford going to USC. It was either continue my Starbucks job earning $300/week or work the streets earning $1000/week...yes $1000/week tax-free money. Yes, I was raped (2 times), beaten (3 times) and robbed (5 times) but after awhile girls on the street get use to that treatment because money is like a drug...and men give girls SO much $ for sex.
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Raina (Stripping harms, consequences and regrets) (female, 22, Texas, U.S.) (June 7, 2010)
THE HARSH TRUTH ABOUT THE HARMS, DANGERS AND NEGATIVE CONSEQUENCES OF STRIPPING
I would like to share my experience in the adult industry here so that people might have a better idea of what it is really like to do this type of work, not what the distributors/managers want people to think its like. I've been an exotic dancer (read stripper) for several years now. I started dancing soon after getting a job as a cocktail waitress in a strip club. (The old joke about the difference between a waitress and a stripper being 3 months). I thought it would be easier -- less days worked, able to drink on the job, no running around with a tray. Given the choice again I would never have started.
You go in thinking it will be lots of quick easy money and realize you're spending more on outfits, makeup, hair, nails, house fees (most clubs charge the dancers to work there), tip outs (required), club merchandise (required to sell or pay for it yourself -- I have a lot of dust rags that say " _____ CLUB"), and drugs (that you may not need to do your job at first but probably will turn to eventually to dull the emotional pain this path will inevitably bring).
First: the girls will most likely be catty and awful to you because you're new. They will not help you and may be openly hostile. I've had girls burn holes in my clothes while I was giving a dance, trip me, break glass on my stage, and even slip various things into my drinks (including acid - no fun).
It takes an enormous emotional and physical toll on you. It's exhausting (especially at clubs where pole work is encouraged), the shoes mess your feet up, your knees crack every time you kneel down on stage to get a tip, I've thrown my back out twice. I've worked at clubs with old chipped stages that scratched you up when you rolled around on them and poles that were flaking big chunks of sharp, rusty metal into your skin. (Hope you got your tetanus shot.) You will break out from all the filth on everything. (NOTHING IS EVER CLEANED, EVER.) You get zits between your boobs from rubbing them on greasy guys' stubble covered faces all night, you get chafed from grinding (starched jeans and huge belt buckles - OUCH!).
You get staph infections from the nasty chairs that have been puked on god only knows how many times. If you work where you always wear panties you get yeast infections from sweating in what amounts to bathing suit bottoms all night. If you work full nude you are exposed to far worse. (Do you know what that nasty girl has? I hope so, cause you just sat your bare coochie on the same chair/lap/stage that she did five minutes before.) Guys will come in their pants and you may not realize it till it has soaked through your t-back. (Do you know what he has? You may have it now too...)
The customers are awful. They will scream obscenities at you, ask you to do awful things (especially if you also do web cam work, which is like being on a pornographic lazy Susan for hours - "show your ass, show your tits, open your mouth, take your shoes off, bend over, spread your pussy", and on and on and on.... I did this for two weeks and couldn't handle it anymore. Imagine using your dildo vigorously and in strange positions for 4-6 hours straight). Female customers will treat you like shit and call you fat, even if they look like Shamu. Many customers are extremely abusive -- I've been slapped, choked, bitten, burned with cigarettes, spit on, puked on, my hair pulled, clothes ripped, things thrown at me. Many managers turn a blind eye to these abuses, as they do to the use of illicit drugs and prostitution. (Can you say VIP room?)
Managers are abusive, corrupt, or just plain incompetent. I was raped by a customer when I was black out drunk and the manager let him "take me home safely" and I woke up naked and bleeding in a strange house. Many other girls have been raped inside and outside the club, many times more than once, especially in badly monitored VIP rooms, but few report this because cops will just say that we were turning tricks and are just crying because we didn't get the money we wanted. In some cases managers will take pictures of drunk girls with them (and yes, I mean that in the worst sense) and use it to blackmail them into doing whatever they want. You will have customers follow you home almost every night (most of have learned to carry something a lot stronger that pepper spray). I've had some weirdo knock on my door at 3 a.m. as a "surprise" more than once. (But only once was said weirdo bearing flowers. Can you say delusional and desperate?)
Speaking of delusional and depressing there is the strange breed of the strip club addict who is often lonely and clingy (and not entirely stable). Many of these men are married or have children but spend far more time/effort (buying diamonds, spending hours at the club), devoted to women who take all their money and would at the same time happily take a cheese grater to their face. (Yes, we hate all the customers -- ALL of them). I've seen men run through years of savings and run up huge credit card debts trying to win over the girl they are obsessed with only to learn that they will never get anything more than a lap dance out of the relationship. (The last one pretty much paid for my house). This can obviously destroy families along with the men stupid enough to do this. And, yes there are sugar-daddy arrangements that go on but they NEVER end well.
No matter how many times a night you're told that you're hot/beautiful/have nice tits this job trashes your self-esteem. You're always wondering "if my boobs were bigger/if I'd worn a different lipstick/if I was thinner would I have made more tonight?" Consequently I've seen some really badly botched boob jobs (think cross-eyed). Eating disorders are rampant. (I've seen girls pass toothbrushes over the sad half-wall stalls in the bathroom in order to make themselves throw up.) Most girls do drugs of some kind. (You always wonder if a girl started stripping to support her habit -- it's the only job most addicts can hold down -- or if, like me, she started taking drugs in order to be able to go in to work and face the customers.)
Many girls are also supporting abusive boyfriends/pimps that they just cant seem to get away from. (I've seen more than one girl's "boyfriend" wait for her outside the club to take her money as soon as she gets off and maybe knock her around a bit if its not enough -- although the girl who had enough and pulled out a taser on the jerk who had been abusing her for months was priceless to watch. He cried. If you're lucky enough to avoid the pimp Jr.s you have a hell of a time finding and keeping a real relationship. Most good guys will drop you the instant they find out what you do and if by some miracle they don't, believe me they will get tired of it soon enough. They will get jealous of your money, or think you're cheating, or insist that you stop because they see the toll it takes on you. (Read: you WILL NOT want to have sex after work. Maybe curl up with a teddy bear and cry, but not screw around.)
Oh yes, let's not leave out the fact that you will be ostracized FOREVER for this job. People don't understand (or they understand all too well) what we really do and go through. When you go to get a real job there is that big gap on your job history with the ambiguous label of "independent contractor." What kind of contractor? Can you verify that lie, dear?
Well, I hope this has enlightened any readers to the real stripper lifestyle. Not all the glitz and glamour it's cracked up to be, is it?
*Photo credit: Martin Whitmore: http://www.flickr.com/photos/rustychainsaw/4930204934/
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Alexandra (Porn made her feel suicidal) (female, 19, U.S., YouTube, RandomPicturez) (May 18, 2010)
Hello, my name is Alexandra.
First of all, I need to apologize to you. When I watched the Sasha Grey on Tyra video I rolled my eyes. I thought, "Uh-oh, an anti-porn person!" After all, what's wrong with sex? And as long as children are not involved, who cares? Let people do what they want, right? Wrong. First of all, porn is NOT sex, contrary to popular belief. Healthy sex is about love, porn is about power and money. Thank you for helping me realize this.
I am not a porn star but I have come close. I have been asked to appear in movies and magazines. I thought, "Wow! That means I am pretty! That means people DESIRE me!" I was so ignorant. You see, now I realize why I wanted to get into the industry. I wanted to be loved and desired and told I was beautiful. But there was a really strange gut feeling that told me, "DON'T DO IT ALEXANDRA!" I am glad I listened.
You see, I was sexually abused (stereotypical, I know) and I was overweight as a child and young teenager. I felt ugly and thought no one wanted me. When I lost the weight I wanted to get all the attention and acceptance that I never received.
When porn stars talk about "embracing their sexuality and showing their confidence" I think it is a load of crap. Why would any empowered, confident person want to be in a business where men ejaculate all over their face? If Sasha Grey is so confident and so empowered, why would she choose this profession? No, I am not religious. I support anyone in whatever they do. I just am saying that there are other ways to show your confidence. Just because you choose to do something does not make it okay and I just think it is sad that one of the only ways a woman can make more money than men is to do this kind of work. : (
One time I was giving a guy oral sex and he told me that I needed to "suck it like porn stars do." I was crushed. I guess I don't measure up to them. My breasts aren't big enough, I have pubic hair, and I am apparently bad at sex.
And it is hard for me to talk about this because I get shut down. People are like, "Stop being a prude and crazy feminist. Lighten up!" I struggle with this and I need help. I have even contemplated suicide because of past abuse and because of how porn has made me feel about myself.
Anyway thank you for listening and being brave to stand up to the industry. You have inspired me. I have gone along with thinking porn is okay because a lot of people are okay with it and I didn't want to be an outcast or ridiculed. But thanks to you for helping me stand up for what I believe in!
I also like your story about erotica vs. pornography. I don't have a problem with seeing two people having sex on camera, as long as it not degrading and both partners are enjoying it. I would actually rather watch this than a bunch of violent acts. There definitely is a difference between the two. I can't stand how pornography has warped people's ideas about sex!
Thank you for helping me and thank you for listening.
Desley (Former teen prostitute) (female, 31, Canada, YouTube, ThusFar777) (May 2, 2010)
I am a former teen prostitute, coerced by an adult women who gave me shelter when I had nowhere to go. The sex industry hurts women by degrading them, devaluing them, and dehumanizing them. It does irreversible damage to men, women, and children.
Though society only sees streetwalkers, porn stars, strippers, and prostitutes as whores, they are really hurting and vulnerable people in need of help - but instead we kick them while they're down. The funny thing is, we are all responsible for it. We have all created and tolerated this hyper-sexualized society, legitimized documented prostitution (aka porn) and allowed it to be mainstreamed, which in turn has created an epidemic of misogynistic men who believe it's their right to buy human beings for sex.
Little girls and boys are having pornography ingrained right into their developing sexuality and they never learn how to bond or relate to others in a healthy sexual relationship. Then, in order to meet the demand, vulnerable and abused women and children are coerced, deceived, lured, and seduced into any one of the sectors of the sex industry - and quite often, several of them.
BUYING SEX FROM HUMAN BEINGS IN ANY WAY IS AN ACT OF VIOLENCE.
People out there are suffering, the least of these not being the women used in the sex industry. They are in pain.
Rhiannon (Unwanted exposure to porn) (female, 11, student, U. S., YouTube, zomthezombie) (April 13, 2010)
My friend showed me porn on Saturday... IT MADE ME SICK SO I'M HOME FROM SCHOOL! PORN IS SICKENING AND IT SHOULD BE ILLEGAL! (idk if it already is since im only 11)
Follow-up comment:
thank you! :) you made me feel better :)
Anya (Has seen abuse in Las Vegas) (female, U.S., YouTube, 8Anya8) (March 25, 2010)
I am from Sin City and I have seen every level of abuse directed against women,
Pornography is big business to all these smut peddlers and they will kill anyone who attempts to interfere with their buying and selling of precious human souls.
I stand with you.
Anya~
sepasgozaram (Sex addiction/unwanted childhood pornography exposure) (male, 23, YouTube) (March 14, 2010)
Marked as Bro, i Need? help! i used too watched porn since i was 4 yrs old, my dad introduced me! (ive stopped now tho) i've had oral sex since very young (6 yrs old and also at 12 yrs old) ...and im sick of it! i have a sexual addiction and Tricked many gurls and i feel like crap about it!
Xiaoramza1523 (Unwanted pornography exposure as a child) (Canada, YouTube) (March 14, 2010)
Marked as spamYou have my support against this pron nonsense. I never really got into that masochistic pile they call a tape/dvd. These things ruined my childhood for being exposed to it at a young age. it has no right to degrade women and men to such a horrible level.
Max (Observed harm firsthand while working around pornography briefly) (male, California, U.S., YouTube, Lawborn2) (March 4, 2010)
Selena (Loss of trust and respect for uncle because of his hard-core pornography use) (female, Atlanta, GA, U.S., YouTube, selenadelos) (February 28, 2010)
I think porn causes divisions in families, as with like my favorite uncle whom was a big part of my life from my childhood up. I went to babysit his son several years ago and while looking to find his son I found a closet packed with some of the sickest porn you can imagine subjects like, incest, rape, teenies, gang bangs, etc.. this took my trust and respect for him, and made me really question my memories of him wrestling and playing games with me or holding me on his lap watching TV, were they as pure as I had thought? well see I don`t know that now and I can`t now trust him around my daughter and it has caused a lot of harm. A question to the porn consumers would you be ashamed if your stash was seen? What if passed away would you want your loved ones to find it ?
TheCyclomethicone (Pornography industry recruitment) (female, Germany, YouTube)
just wanted to thank you for the information you give.
I was asked by a porn-producer, whether I would like to make some movies while I was walking through a train station and I refused.
After I visited your website and watching your videos, I am glad I did so.
He didn't even care, I was underaged, which really irritated me.
(It was about a year ago and I just turned 18 in September.)
(For people living in Germany: It is the U- und S-Bahnhof Alexanderplatz in Berlin.
I guess, producers often look for porn-actresses in this area, since other girls were asked there too.)
Keep up the good work!
ilovereeceandomally1 (Unwanted porn exposure) (female, 12, middle school student, U.S., YouTube)
im 12 years old, and i love acting. i will never revert to porn, to become famous. those porn stars are/were people too, and i feel so bad for them. :( :(
porn scheeves me, i will never be in any pornography movies, videos etc., etc. also, i went to use my laptop this morning, and when i clicked "system resume" i found a webpage that someone had searched on. it said "fre lesbian porn" spelled like that.... someone typed it in!! and there were like 4 minimized porn pages, some regular, some lesbian.... it was very disturbing!! so thank you for fighting this nasty habit, that some people are unfortunate to have. :( :( i talked to my mom about it, and she had no idea anything like that happened.... so we think we might have tapped into one of our neighbors wireless signals or something. because we have connected units (houses or whatever lol) and every computer is connected, somehow. its a long story. but yeah, thanks!!
1776Exile1 (Porn industry insider ) (YouTube)
I saw some of the industry from the inside and it was despicable.
I had no idea the suicide rate was so high tho'
Porn is an industry of predators.
Porn is an evil addiction and a despicable industry.
The way the women in porn are treated is horrible.
It ought to be illegal for the damage it does!
Ray (Porn harm of country) (male, free hug activist, Indonesia, YouTube, lagodaxnian)
It's all about money..that's why everything about porn spread around the world like dangerous diseases that damage and kill. In Indonesia about 2 years ago,our government plans to enact legislation of anti-pornography in an effort to save the young Indonesian generation from moral destruction,but this plan soon hampered by a group calling themselves as pro-liberalism.This group does not like that law just because anti-pornography laws are supported by religious groups especially Muslims community in Indonesia.because the strength of this resistance, then our Government give up and kept pornography is widespread among adolescents in our country.and you all can see how moral destruction of the young generation of Indonesia now.they like to upload more videos to youtube which smelling pornography.
nacole (Sexual harassment) (female, 23, Tacoma, WA, YouTube, nackyn)
one time i had a guy talk to me and i like him but he was bad and send him pics of me in a dress and he made them without and he give out my email so i had all nasty guys always talking to me so i had change my email so now i am more careful who i trust.
I hate porn. I have seen what I can do to someone.
Becca (Porn harassment) (female, 16, U.S., YouTube, bleedingheart55)
WOOOT!!! this is an amazing page! :D love the idea of anti pornography and it would be an honor to become friends with you :D i've been harassed by a guy on youtube about it and it's pissing me off... lol
this actually inspired me to make a page? on facebook with my friend, Austin about being anti porn! (the best thing is that he's not gay! lol) loved the Tyra vids btw... it got three people to hate the stuff that i know... :D
Joana (Upset at female friends regarding them not caring about pornography) (female, 17, Portugal, YouTube, jfls23)
I'm a portuguese 17 year world girl.
This channel stands for everything I believe in. I never imagined that something like this existed because everyone? seems to be so...well, they accept pornography as a usual thing, as something that's part of the world and that shouldn't happen. People need to see how degrading pornography is. I got mad at my friends SO many times because they just DON'T CARE and it's frustrating, especcially to see that girls don't care about the brutality women live in these movies.
You have all my support, I'll be most attentive to everything about this channel.
This gives me hope :)
Jeremy (Feels polluted by pornography) (male, 24, youth worker, Orangeville, YouTube, masterj22)
i am big into he anti porn movment, i am part of the? porn generation and i feel so polluted and that i can not give my future wife enough of me, i feel like i have trampled my garden (song of samula), i don't see how i can love my future wife properly, and most of the people around me don't see the dangers of porn.
SOUPRUN01 (Suppressed emotions) (male, 34, UK, YouTube)
This site has really educated me to the reality what porn is. The interview with BellaDonna where she starts to cry talking about how she hides her emotions. In my case I have been masking reality and never developed relationship with women as a result.
CriticalKitten (Child molestation and pornography abuse) (female, YouTube)
Since when has it ever been okay to treat any human being like dirt? It hasnt. Since when has it been morale to use dehumanization on women or men and be aroused? I have lived both of these factors. And let me tell you, its scarring. I was exposed to pornography at a young age. Molested for 4 years by my own father. I will confess, when i grew older, i started enjoying the acts and pornography. And i am getting help because i realize it is not healthy. Unfortunately, others have not done the same. I had thoughts at one point of being in this industry, but thinking of it, would i really want to go back to the thing that damaged me as i grew up? Ladies let me ask you something, would you like to be called a whore? Treated poorly?
Not being treated as all woman should? I am a woman myself, and in my opinion, men should kiss the ground we walk on. Men, same question. Its degrading and its not healthy. I have night terrors. I am cold. I am hard. I dont trust anyone. I push people when all i ever want is to be warm like a woman should. To anyone who truely believes that pornography is safe and is not sending messages to other men or women, please contact me. I guarentee you would change your mind by the end of the discussion. To anyone who has been abused in anyway, even though you do not know me and will probably never meet me in real, i can be here for you.
Anyone who thinks that they need someone to talk to can do so to me. Anyone who is being abused in anyway, get out, get help, tell someone. And to anyone who is falling into the pit that i was and doesnt realize the snakes that are in the bottom, do anything you can to get out. I speak these words from my heart. Something that hasnt felt this strong in a long time. Anyone feel free to message me if you have any questions, comments or opinions. And remember - Any woman deserves better. I was treated like that outside of the industry. Its not something anyone should experience.
AngelicSnowGirl (Porn recruiting) (female, YouTube)
You're welcome. When I was around 17 or 18, I was asked to be in a porn. I'm glad I turned that offer down. Thanks for the friend invite. Keep up the good work.
Maya (Unwanted porn exposure) (female, 15, Trinidad and Tobago, YouTube)
Hello from a fan. I'm just a 14 year old from the Caribbean but I really like your anti-porn playlists because since I was 11 I was against that stuff because I was exposed to porn by some irresponsible parents and the like...I would really like to be your friend and I admire your work and dedication.
- Maya
becausewewantto123 (Pornography education) (female, Australia, YouTube)
Thank you for opening my eyes! Before seeing your videos & websites I thought I had an open mind about the porn industry. I now know I had an empty mind, NOT an open mind. I knew very little about porn but refused to pass judgment on performers because I don't like people that call women 'sluts,' etc. I thought they were shooting one scene a day. (Not repeated violent sex scenes with all sorts of risks & sleaze.) One scene or 5, I now know it's still disgusting. (Especially reading the extracts on your blog from Jenna Jameson's bio where she talks about the pitfalls of the industry.)
Watching Sasha Grey talk so cheerily about violent, repetitive sex & her 'roleplay' scenes, (basically 'child porn isn't legal so let's use an 18 yr old & dress her up to look much younger'), made me feel sick. I didn't know whether to hug her or shout at her.
You are doing an amazing job with this. Thank you for letting me know the facts & dramatically changing my point of view. Keep up the great work!
Nikki (Sexual abuse/pornography use) (female, 37, YouTube, souldecirce)
Gawker, a blog, featured an interview recently with porn star Sasha Grey. In trying to determine the truth about the "stomach punching" incident, I came across your Tyra Banks videos. I just have to commend you on the exhaustive, dignified work that you've done & continue to do in these efforts. I was introduced to pornography at a very young age, & was sexually abused. I, like many sexploited workers, have battled with warped views toward sex. Fortunately these destructive events in my childhood were intertwined with two married parents who encouraged intelligence & civility in their children. I have removed pornography from my life & have decided that I cannot support it. Your articulation of the reasons why it's so destructive are the most thoroughly convincing I've seen. I thank you, with all my heart. Also, thanks to you (& the auteur of the memorial video), I am feeling less ashamed about my previous involvement in perpetuating the porn industry, & proud of my stance against it.
I can't express the positivity that has infused my life since letting go of the destructive element of pornography. really appreciate the work you've done, and continue to do, APB.
alowlyapprentice (Pornography performer friend) (male, U.S., YouTube)
I had no idea that so many performers were dead, most likely due to their participation in the industry.
I once knew someone who was a former performer in adult entertainment. She started stripping, and then it eventually progressed to prostitution. When she met me I did not hold it against her. But it was obvious that her self-image was destroyed by the biz and all that went with it. She tried to commit suicide twice.
I'm so glad you found me. Until I saw your channel I was not aware of the great number of lives that have been lost or destroyed. Hopefully, informing more people can help prevent this. Thank You!
JosephKuD (Pornography and sexualized culture temptation) (male, 26, U.S., YouTube)
The truth is no women would want to be treated like this, the fact is, No one can justify why any body would wanted to be treated like a object for nothing. Don't realize that when your dehumanizing women like that, you begin to cheapen people lives. As a guy and a virgin, it's important to always fight off temptation and it's not easy, and to have everywhere you look portraying women like sex slaves. What type of men are we producing in our world??
ovuoba (Sex industry survivor) (female, 22, U.S, YouTube)
I'm lucky I got out when I did. I was involved in the sex industry and completely numb. I was so against it at first but slowly convinced myself it was empowering and also convinced others. Luckily divine intervention stepped in. I didn't realize how much damage I did to myself until AFTER I was out of that space. It's been almost four years and I am still healing. Sex is a very fragile thing for me now and it's hard to view men as human because I saw them as ATM machines. I'm paying for it now.
tammia1987 (Gets disrespected by men) (female, 16, U.S., YouTube) (x)
I 100% agree with u its disgusting all u see is sex on t.v
Im 16 and men disrespect me and it annoys me because not all women are like dat
Rebekah (Sex industry survivor) (female, 19, U.S., YouTube, TheKateleah)
Really do wanna thank you for what your doing about trying to stop porn. I used to do porn and prostitution when i was 17. I now am 19. I've been off the streets for 3 months. Keep doing what you're doing. :)
Sincerely, Rebekah
Jericka (Peer pressure to accept pornography) (female, YouTube, Punkie282828)
I'm honored to be subscribed to this channel! It's so hard to show people porn is wrong, and a lot of people that I know tell me not to think it's wrong. It's hard how peer pressure makes you feel so vulerable! I'm going to stay strong with my beliefs!
I hope one day people see their inconsiterance and change. I hope one day ALL porn is banned!
I am so happy to have found your youtube! it's amazing! :D
-punkie
Niko Eternal (Sexual molestation) (male, singer/lyricist, U.S., YouTube, nikoeternal)
Thanks! I was molested by a teenager at a young age, so I appreciate your work. Keep it up! =)
snicolesmith1984 (Young cousin molested) (female, 25, U.S., YouTube)
I don't do much on you tube except watch random videos, and it was during this time I stumbled on your tyra banks video of porn star sasha grey. the video on your page "mad world" was...powerful. I had to watch it twice and it left me numb. I have a young cousin who was molested by a 28 year old man. He was successfully prosecuted. She craves male attention and I think she believes she is nothing without it. She equates sex with love and to me that is the one of the most cruel ways to take advantage of someone. I think we have to teach girls early so they have enough self respect to not sexually exploit themselves. I don't think the demand for exploitation will ever go away, but perhaps there will be a handful of women saved, who choose not to walk down that path.
Brian (Observed pornography users are more like sociopaths) (male, 26, U.S., YouTube, wbarreguy)
Finding your channel was one of the greatest coincidences I happened upon. After reading in the news about the Boston med student, I ended up seeing a comment made by serial killer Ted Bundy prior to his death about how addiction to violent pornography the driving force behind his sprees and how he noticed almost every inmate in prison for violent offenses had the common thread of porn addiction. I'd never thought about that angle specifically, so the thought had weighed on my mind a lot recently. I thought of people I knew and the differences between those who are mostly porn adverse v. those who are heavily into it. By and large, the latter group really does seem more like sociopaths. I found your channel inadvertently while watching a new video by Tori Amos. Thank you so much for what you do.
Gaangin88 (Hears all guys use porn, but is a male and doesn't) (male, YouTube) (x)
Basti (Female friend got coerced into making homemade pornography by her boyfriend and became mentally ill because of subsequent abuse) (male, 16, Germany, student, YouTube, reggeadj)
I had a friend. A really good friend. She was like a sister to me. And she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was a ******* as******. (Sorry.)
We often said to her that he was deceiving her but she wouldn't listen. One day her "boyfriend" had the idea: "Lets take pics or videos of our sexual life." And she trusted him. He promised her that the pics are only for him/her, but one day all the young people in the region saw her in these pictures.
Many people laughed about her and mobbed her. So she started to build her own world... (In her mind.) Now she is in the psychiatric hospital....
Jules (Male choosing to not use pornography) (male, 36, Australia, YouTube, Onthebluebus)
I think what you're doing here, creating and inspiring is truly amazing. Hopefully many peoples minds and lives will be changed. I've only ever looked at a pornagraphic magazine once when I was young at 14/15 and haven't wanted to ever since. It really is unnecessary, degrading and something society could do without and would be much better for it Jules
DisneyFansAlliance (Is forced by boys to like sex with them) (female, YouTube) (x)
caligirlhollister (Female friend first had sex in 6th grade) (female, Sydney, Australia, YouTube)
taylor355 (Male non-user of pornography. People he meets can't conceive of this) (male, YouTube) (x)
I find this an interesting channel so I subscribed. I find it sad that as a male, when I express my opposition to porn, I am usually met with blank stares or amusement. It has infiltrated our culture so thoroughly that many people can't conceive that a male would be opposed to porn..apparently it is taken as a given that 'all men like porn'. How sad.
Bonnie (Has received offers to do pornography) (female, 22, U.S., YouTube, BonnieBowen)
MELMOVIELOVER08 (Victim of pornography user harassment on YouTube) (female, YouTube)
Thanks so much for joining i am a victim of porno some freak on youtube wrote to my channel and said very graphic things
mm
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Marin T. (Porn exposure in youth created unhealthy life addictions) (male, 36, CA, U.S.) (May 11, 2020)
PORN ADDICTION — A FAKE AND HARMFUL SUBSTITUTE FOR LOVE
When I was five years old, I had a touching encounter with a neighbor girl who was six; we touched each other's genitals with a stick. Parents may have been involved or not. I don't know. This is the sexual context my experience with porn started in.
Then at 14 I saw an ad for teen jobs while walking home from school with a friend. I should have walked with traffic and on my own, but I was new to the district and he befriended me. We met with the guys doing the door-to-door fundraising for Project Teen Challenge, and at their apartment one day one of them put a porn film on.
Soon after, I became observant and curious about my body and started masturbating. Later, I'd try to up the ante by looking at poor women in National Geographic, bra ads, and when dad got a computer, online porn. More recently, I've gotten into virtual interactive sex on cam sites.
I've been disgusted with myself for a long time but it's gotten so addicting. Having that sexual encounter as a child, moving to another country, having a manipulative, controlling and damaged father and mother made me more susceptible.
Anyway, I hate myself for becoming such a pervert. I hate the industry too. And I'm surprised it's legal, but then again, not. I'm glad to testify about it now, but there's been so much waste.
I think being exposed to this too early, alone and not in a caring, understanding and protective environment, has caused me much pain, grief and suffering. I never really learned to understand myself and those desires or urges, nor how to manage them. And I think this is actually a systemic, cultural and religious problem. It’s a way of passing the buck down from the top. I think it's psychological, economic, emotional, and eventually physical rape.
But maybe it's my own fault for being weak and lazy. At first it feels good to release stress but then I think it's not social, productive or healthy. And it feels bad now. It's like a terrible drug addiction. And I feel like a waste of life sometimes. I can't imagine what the girls and women feel.
I now know sex is used as a weapon on many levels, by many people, especially law and authority figures. I've often thought they are the main abusers. But I saw Sin City, so maybe that's how certain women use men too. I sometimes think that pornography is a sick loophole for lawyers and law enforcement, because prostitution (sex for money) is mostly illegal. But if they record the encounter, now they can call it 'art', thereby dissolving the illegality. It's not art. It's more like sexual documenting, testing a person’s character, and institutional prostitution. Definitely illogical. It all depends on rules and definitions. And we all know who makes those.
Probably a big reason why I ever strayed from the herd/norm is because I became interested in Oriental cultures. Being born and raised in a socialist country, it was natural. But I have two parents who fell short of the socialist ideal. Can't trump reality.
Anyways, that's my story. Past is past; can't be changed. I hope to learn the lesson.
Cheers. Peace within.
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Trevor H. (Porn addiction has caused infertility in his marriage) (male, 31, U.S.) (April 5, 2020)
HOW PORNOGRAPHY NEGATIVELY AFFECTED OUR FERTILITY
WARNING: The following story contains sexually graphic details and other content that may be triggering or disturbing to some readers.
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I was hooked on porn because there is nothing in this world that can give me more entertainment AND pleasure than porn can give me. Now I really haven't looked at porn the way I used to — and when I mean porn, I mean hardcore porn — since just before I met my wife on an online dating website, except for a few relapses, I have to admit.
With that out of the way, I have done better by only looking at hot pictures of women on the Internet, including those who are porn stars, however, I make sure that it is PG-13 appropriate, so no full nudity of private parts. Also since meeting my wife, I have listened to porn audio clips, though I'm trying to do my best to stay away from both the porn audio and immodest photos, and in regards to those two, I am 1-2 months sober.
I want you to know that I have told my wife about my porn past, and I have also told her about my relapses while we were engaged, because I didn't want her to marry into somebody with secrets that are indirectly related to her.
Not counting the 3-4 relapses, I have been sober from hardcore porn or, in this day and age, just porn, for over 6 years, as I have been married to my lovely wife for 4 years (and began dating her about 2 years prior to marriage). And if you count the most recent relapse, I would guess it's been about 2 years.
Now that you've gotten the gist of my personal story, I will tell you why it's affected my relationship with my wife. Since I used to be addicted to porn, I still get these thoughts in my head of sex I viewed from watching porn, almost every day of my life. And because my wife doesn't have the best looks in the world, like some porn stars do, I constantly wish that she had the blonde hair, the beautiful face with makeup, white teeth, huge breasts (though this is something of hers that's larger than most women, so I can't complain), thin stomach, big butt, long legs, sexy voice, and most important, the ability to have sex the way flexible porn stars have sex.
Because of these reasons, I find that it's very difficult for me to ejaculate, especially after a few months after we got married, due to sex becoming stale and repetitive, which is unlike what you can find by watching porn. This is a downside for us as we both have wanted children and have unsuccessfully tried since we have been married, so 4 years of infertility.
While I do believe most of the infertility lies in my wife, as we have had testing done on each of us to try and diagnose the problem, and after taking vitamins/supplements to improve my fertility, my semen analysis tests have shown great improvement since I've begun taking my supplements, I realize that I probably do have some infertility issues still; one of these is the inability to ejaculate in my wife's vagina multiple days in a row, or even every other day, usually.
This is important because a woman is only fertile with cervical mucus for a few days each cycle, so there have been months where I've only been able to come in her just once, as opposed to the preferred twice, three, or four times in a cycle.
Long story short, the reason why, I believe, we have been unable to conceive a child is due to me not being turned on enough while having sex with my wife due to my former porn addictions. And I feel like I cheat on my wife still because when I am working at my retail job, I am constantly looking at a woman's backside, in particular, since anal sex was my preferred porn go-to, and having immodest thoughts about the stranger while working, assuming she's attractive, of course.
Finally, speaking of anal, this is how my wife and I usually have sex, which is wrong, and I blame it on my addiction to porn, mostly anal porn. Anal sex isn't showing the love and dignity that vaginal sex can give the man and woman together.
In conclusion, we are now going to have to spend thousands of dollars on adoption when this could have been avoided had it not been for my history of pornography.
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Ezekiel (Pornography and sexualized TV contributed to his depression) (male, 31, U.S.) (July 13, 2019)
HOW PORNOGRAPHY CONTRIBUTED TO MY DEPRESSION
At the age of 10 a kid from our neighborhood came to our house and began showing us pornography. This was despite parental controls. I had no idea what it was and I most likely hadn't even hit puberty yet.
The first time I felt sexual desire was at the age of 7 years old or maybe younger, possibly even 5 or 4 years old, while watching the show "Married with Children." (Which was considered obscene at the time, but by today's standards was quite innocent.)
Looking back on it, watching a show like that most likely hypersexualized me. I most likely would not have had any experience with sexual desire until I hit puberty, had I not watched that show.
As I grew older I began to develop schizophrenia and even some forms of manic depression. Unable to have any sort of meaningful relationship with the opposite sex, I was tormented day in and day out by sexual desire which I think was put on hyperdrive by my exposure to the show "Married with Children" at such a young age, and most likely due to the pornography I saw at age 10. I believe pornography contributed greatly to my depression.
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Harry SJ (Porn use deeply corrupted him after first seeing it at 11, and he's now descended into real-life abusive BDSM sex) (male, 15, Ireland) (7/30/18)
HOW PORN IS KILLING ME
I started watching porn at the age of 11, and still do, and I'm not able to get rid of it. It was the age of puberty for me, the age I started discovering myself, particularly sexuality.
I'm gay and even a hot guy wearing shorts turns me on, thanks to the first nude pic of a man that turned me on, which started to encourage me to look at more hot nude men, and finally them doing sexual stuff, then sex, and that's how I got into porn.
It was recently that I discovered BDSM porn, and became a masochist. Now, sex won't work for me without BDSM.
I can't believe that I, who was a very self-respecting person, can now derive pleasure from being dominated and degraded by someone. I can't even look at myself in the nude, for fear of getting turned on. I somehow need to get out of this. I'm an egalitarian and hence, I want that more and more people into porn and BDSM to give up them for the betterment of society.
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Gage D. (Is still haunted by porn his parents showed him, but has overcome porn use through healthy living and service to others) (male, 37, Texas, USA) (11/3/17)
HOW PORN SHOWN TO ME BY MY PARENTS STILL HAUNTS ME OVER 20 YEARS LATER
Growing up in my home, I was allowed to watch anything on TV I wanted. I had my own TV and would stay up late watching late-night action and Roman films. I had seen every part of a woman’s body from these prime-time shows by the age of 10. It was of little shock to me when I saw the photos in my first porn magazine, but what did confuse me was why my parents had bought the subscription for me. I used the magazines to masturbate many times a day. To this day I don’t know how at such a young age I figured out how to put the two together. By the age of 15 I had had sex with an older girl, and fooled around with several others.
It was around that time at age 15 when my parents shared with me my first porn video, "Butt Seriously Folks." Despite all the Playboy magazines and a few Hustlers, I had never seen adult intercourse before. As I watched it, I believed that was how sex was supposed to be. After all, the one time I had had sex it was not that exciting or passionate. I thought to myself, perhaps this is what sex is supposed to be -- oral, more oral, some vaginal, and then intense anal.
The oral and anal scenes burned into my mind. They were like a template that would fit over any romantic relationship I would try to have with a woman. I found myself seeing woman as things, toys, games -- a challenge that I had to achieve. And once I had sex with them, I had no longer any interest in them -- in fact, in some cases I could not stand to see them again.
I found my senses heightening for finding females with poor self-esteem, and those yearning for male love. I would pass up pursuing females that I sensed were "good", strong, and self-assured. I would go from having a one-night stand with a woman, to masturbating to pornography, to having a one-night stand with another woman, to masturbating to pornography, to trying to coerce a woman to have sex with me, and so on. It was a vicious, numbing cycle. I was never satisfied, and was always afraid to slow down -- fearing that I would realize what I had become.
One day, I made a choice -- a choice filled with uncertainty. I threw all the porn magazines away, I destroyed the tapes, and I stopped associating with any person who I knew used those things or lived a lifestyle with multiple sex partners. I soon after left for a volunteer service tour in Eastern Europe, and filled that several-year period with service. Service, I have found, is the best remedy for the pulls of pornography. That is because pornography ignites selfishness, and serving others ignites selflessness.
But the scars of pornography are sensitive and still there. Even now, a husband, father, and a white-collar worker, I see the porn films in my mind, when I blink my eyes, when I go to sleep, when I dream, and when I meditate. I don’t know how long those images will stay there, but I know this: the porn memories have to fight extra hard when I have thoughts already in place in my mind -- thoughts of family, friends, wholesome recreational activities, and personal growth.
Stay away from pornography. It is a plague -- a disease that slowly kills your capacity to love, empathize, and feel.
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Xavi S. (Struggled with compulsive porn use since age 13, then finally was able to give it up when he realized he was harming women, and not just himself) (male, 40, Spain) (May 9, 2017)
HOW I WAS FINALLY ABLE TO QUIT PORN FOR GOOD -- BY VIEWING WOMEN AS FULL HUMAN BEINGS
 I was exposed to a porn magazine for the first time when I was 13. It came as a nuisance then, and I wanted to have nothing to do with it, but it gripped me by the collar. I spent the following year or so in ineffectual fights against this growing fascination. Then it happened that, on a Spanish channel called Canal Plus, there were porn movies shown on Friday nights. The image and sound were codified and I spent many Friday nights surreptitiously trying to decipher what was going on there. (There was a bit of an underground craze here; people whose parents had subscribed to Canal Plus sometimes taped the X films and sold them.)
In 1994, wanting to taste the full experience (before leaving it, which I couldn’t), I went to an X cinema (3 times) and I rented a porn movie (twice). Then in December 1994 I decided to stay clean, which I succeeded in doing until the 2nd of January, 1996. From then on, it has gone through different phases: sex shops first, then eMule (a free, peer-to-peer file sharing application), finally Pornhub, etc.
One day, having heard that there were feminist views against porn, I decided to look up what their point of view was. I was flabbergasted, reduced my porn consumption drastically, went through periods of abstinence, and finally left it altogether. For twenty-odd years I had tried to stay clean, and I had tried to live with my porn viewing -- finding soon it was just impossible. I had written pages upon pages analyzing why I wanted that and trying to find a way out, and nothing worked; what did the trick was understanding that I was harming other people besides myself.
These are the facts. But what I’d like to convey is the actual experience going on behind all this, which ultimately is very hard to describe. Here are some tokens:
- Having two identities, light and darkness. Light denied darkness, darkness denied itself.
- Being unable to admit to myself, even in thought, that I was doing that.
- Sex life completely and utterly kidnapped by porn fantasies, growing inability to deal sexually with women. I suffered a lot because I felt (and was) unwanted sexually, but then I also kept myself out of the way because I knew that I wouldn’t function in bed.
- Something undefinable that I could call "melting of own personality and identity in the mire and filth," for lack of a better name.
- Deadly and paralyzing fear, something like meeting a hungry lion, if anybody found out or confronted me over the fact.
- Money problems (because of a thing I was denying).
- My brother trying to erase my porn-filled eMule program, and me in the next room smoking like a chimney and thinking of jumping out the window.
- Viruses, spoiled computers, utterly scary things popping up on the screen that made me want to commit suicide, right then, immediately, do it now!
- Full body response, apparently beyond control, when approaching the possibility of watching porn, a kind of “heat and cold at the same time” feeling.
- Compulsive drinking because of the inability to deal with all that.
- And finally, the unknown: how would my life have evolved if it wasn’t for that.
And then some reflections:
Firstly, I’m not grateful for any experience, pleasurable or otherwise, that I’ve had with porn. Porn is a life sucker, not a life giver.
Secondly, I’m certain that I’ve contributed to women being pimped and exploited. The fact that I was looking for eroticism and avoided violent, teenage, etc. porn, doesn’t change this. The money you give to the industry, the clicks, the ads that appear, all of this is funding the pimping and exploiting. More than anything I might have done to myself, I’m especially sorry about that. I can’t undo my past now.
Thirdly, even if I refused violence in any instance and considered myself to be basically non-sexist, upon getting interested in radical feminism I realized that porn had shaped the way I looked at women. You might think you’re an OK and legal guy; if you watch porn you aren’t.
Fourthly, and this is a very personal appreciation, in our society women are to an important extent viewed as erotic, that is, as sexual objects for men. Women are beautiful and sexy (wow!) or not (booo…). Their body parts are evaluated much as you evaluate the loins and hams of a pig. This gets reproduced in movies, TV programs, commercials, casual conversations, pop video-clips, lots of places. View women as full human beings, consider them equals from the bottom of your heart, and you’ll see that porn just doesn’t have a place.
Fifthly, if you are struggling with your internet addiction and at war with yourself, this one is for you: You don’t have the moral right to watch porn. You just don’t have the right.
Finally, if you want to leave your porn consumption, I recommend that you take your time to read through this website AntiPornography.org and let the contents sink into your body. Also, try to spot which factors in your life are contributing to your habit: lack of sleep? Alcohol or drugs? The way you deal with frustration? Need a radical change in your life? (Plan it well, though.)
If you have a partner, she might be very happy if you tell her that you are leaving porn… or she might not. Perhaps she’s already had too much and wants to leave you. You’re not doing this to save your relationship, you’re doing this for yourself, for women in general, and for decency.
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Greg DeLiso (Was lonely and severely addicted to porn, but successfully quit and is now volunteering to help liberate others from porn harms) (male, 29, filmmaker, Michigan) (March 5, 2016)
QUITTING PORNOGRAPHY IS NOT A LOSS, IT IS A LIBERATION
I was introduced to pornography pretty young. When I was 10 years old we were getting HBO for free, through some unknown glitch at the cable company. During the summer when I was allowed to stay up as late as I wanted, I would watch movies on the living room couch until all hours of the night. If I happened to be awake after both of my parents were in bed, I would scan the movie channels for the low rent, “skinemax” flicks, in hopes of getting a glimpse of some nudity. Even at that age I knew how dumb and cheesy those movies were, but my desire to see naked girls overrode that in my young little brain.
 When I was 12 we got a computer. It was 1999 and the Internet was mostly fan sites and websites made by local computer hobbyists and garage-dwelling geniuses. Back then it all seemed so innocent. The search bar was there and I knew there were naked girls on the other end of it. I would search for words like “boobs.” I wasn’t looking for anything in particular, other than naked women, and I didn’t even really know how to use the Internet.
I want to make clear before I go any further that both of my parents found out about my porn use as a kid and were extremely against it. They tried to stop me from doing it and each confronted me about it -- independently of one another. My point is that both of my parents were not only staunchly against their child being exposed to sexually explicit imagery, they were also feminists who didn’t want me to objectify women.
My Dad is not a porn user and never has been, for both of the reasons above. I’ve always been proud of him for that. I’ve known tons of kids whose parents casually shared pornography with their children -- mostly a dad showing his son his Playboys. There were some dads though, like mine, that never had that stuff around, and were ethically against it.
The times when I was confronted by my parents were very embarrassing. They would catch me on the computer when I was a teenager, say 13-15 years old, and I’d try to lie my way out of it and/or hide the evidence. Each time they gave me speeches about how porn falsely represents sex, and how much it objectifies and harms women. I sat there red-faced, embarrassed that I had looked in the first place, that I had been caught, and that my parents were interfering into my sexuality at all.
But let's backtrack to 7th grade. Right around the time that we first got a computer I also saw the Playboy logo on a girl’s folder in Tech Education class. Seeing that logo scared me, and I’ll do my best to explain why. It was around this time that I saw my first actual hardcore pornography. Up until this point, all of my searches, and results, were limited to still photos of topless women.
So sometime around 7th grade I clicked on what I thought was an image thumbnail and it opened up a video. I’ll never forget my shock. I had to dash to turn the sound down. It was scary. It was a scene in an elevator, with the girl giving the guy oral sex. The girl had very large, fake breasts, and the guy's penis was huge. The oral sex was very aggressive. It wasn’t romantic or hot. When I couple this with the girl with the Playboy logo on her folder, I realized how scared I was all through my childhood. Scared of women. Scared that someday I might be expected to participate in the sort of scary and brutal sex that I had just witnessed.
 But that wasn't the only reason I was scared. I also had never really been around many typical women or girls. I didn’t have female cousins to play with growing up, and as an only child I didn't have any sisters. Plus my mom was a tomboy. So although I was naturally interested in girls in a very normal way like most teen boys, I never really had an outlet to express, explore, or learn to understand these feelings in a healthy way with my peers. In elementary school we were all just grubby kids. I had crushes, but it never meant anything, and I never really talked to the girls I liked because I was too afraid of them.
But even at that age, I knew that everything that was happening around me was fake in a sense, because it was just a play version of the world that only children lived in. But by junior high, the girls started looking more like women, and when I saw that Playboy logo I thought that I now had to compete with the shocking porn imagery I saw that day on the computer.
Now obviously, in reality that’s not true. (At least I hope not.) But at the time I thought that was how things were. It was that mixture of never having any real world experience with women, combined with the shocking pornographic images that I had seen, and the further shock that those same images were being represented back at me by my peers in a sense. I truly thought that the hardcore porn I had seen represented the identity that they wanted to take on and express!
Even at that age, though, I was intellectually mature for my age because of my parents. So I knew these kids were unknowing pawns of the system, and I knew enough not to blame or shame them. However, my insights and opinions were also alienating me more from my peers. What I wanted was for some girl to notice me and come up and say, “I don’t care that you’re shorter than everyone else and look like you’re 10, and you're super dorky, I just think you’re smart and cute and I like you.” But that didn't happen.
So anyway, slowly but surely, as I continued to fail to connect to women in real life, I began to use pornography as a way to escape into my fantasies. It was pathetic, but it wasn't something I did consciously. I didn't wake up one day and say, “I’m going to watch more porn to make up for my loneliness." But it happened, and it’s embarrassing. And it’s something that has to be talked about.
 In my specific case I will say that at any time, had I gotten a steady girlfriend, I most likely would have curbed or stopped my porn use entirely. I don’t say this to aim the blame elsewhere, but to illustrate that I didn’t actively choose pornography over reality. My addiction happened as a byproduct of my inevitable circumstance. I was lonely, working on a computer all day, every day, and rarely left my apartment. Porn was just there, and the ethical reasons for not looking at it were something separate, they were something I intellectually agreed with, but they weren't strong enough to live by.
By this time, in my late teens and early 20's, I was living in New York, going to film school, and making new friendships that have lasted to this day. One of those friends is the only other self-identified feminist male that I’ve ever met. And he's also the only male that I have ever met who was not a regular porn user, who was against pornography, and who was embarrassed that it even worked on him. I repeat, he’s the only male I've ever met that self-identified as a feminist and is anti-porn, because I want to echo how rare it is. And he gave me hope at a young age that I could be a male and still be sensitive to these ideas, and keep some version of a healthy masculine identity.
In any case, at that time in my life pornography was a daily event and it started to take longer and longer to find what I wanted. This was when the addiction really started to take hold, when I started “needing” to search for over an hour to find the right clip. This point was illustrated well in Joseph Gordon Levitt’s film, "Don Jon," about how compulsive porn use affects guys, women, and their relationships. This is the disgusting rabbit-hole of addiction. I can’t tell you how embarrassing it is to admit how many hours I’ve spent searching for the "right" video online. I would rationalize it by telling myself that I wasn't paying for it, or that it wasn't eating into any of my work time. But, not only are those silly and meaningless excuses, they weren’t even true. Although I never did spend any money on it, my usage was still a vote for the industry, and all of my time using it was an absolute waste.
 As I got older, this reality became more and more clear to me, and I started waning my usage down. Eventually I realized that I didn’t even need pornography to get off. But sadly, most of the males I know still feel that they do need it. I would say that they look at pornography similar to how they look at a toothbrush or reading glasses -- they're just tools they feel they need to survive. Those males don’t even remember what it feels like to masturbate to the thoughts in their head. And what’s funny is that the orgasms are one in the same. If you let go of porn, the truth is you can get off to whatever you decide you want to.
So when the decision comes down to having an orgasm to the thoughts in my head that treat women as equals, vs. the enslavement and exploitation of all women -- in or by such a corrupt and misogynist industry -- the choice becomes a no-brainer.
I don’t like that there are males, lots of them, that could watch a documentary like "Hot Girls Wanted," and still use pornography. It makes me sad that there’s anyone even trying to rationalize it, and I don’t know where to put those people. I'm very angry at them, but I know I need to extend my hand to them to help them stop hurting themselves and others. And that's what I'm going to do. I was one of those guys once, and I was reached and chose to walk away from porn forever. So I know it's possible, and I strongly encourage others to do the same. I can assure you, quitting pornography is not a loss, it is a liberation.
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AntiPornography.org Note: Greg is now happily married to Chelsea Fleetham-DeLiso. Chelsea's story of being groomed by an online predator and then abused in real life is also posted on this page. CLICK HERE.
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Mike S. (Was sexually abused as a child, then became a porn addict and voyeur -- which ruined his ability to function sexually, and also destroyed his relationships, family, work, and life) (male, 55, U.S.) (October 20, 2015)
I WASTED MY LIFE BEING A PORN ADDICT AND ACTING OUT
 When I was about six years old, both of my parents began sexually abusing me. They called it “teaching,” and said it would help me when I was older and married. That’s been done before by others, by the way.
Sometimes they used a projector and 8 mm film reels of hardcore porn to aid in my “teaching sessions” (as I think of them now, but with dry sarcasm). I found that it was easier to quickly have an orgasm and get it over with if I fantasized, and the films gave me plenty of fodder for that.
Sex was all I thought about. Porn was a big part of that, and while still underage I was buying adult magazines without being carded. I loved anything I could get my hands on, but Hustler Magazine was more detailed, went farther, and pushed the boundaries so hard that publisher Larry Flynt landed in court on obscenity charges. I thought he was a genius.
It was in Hustler that I found a particular attraction to interracial and animal porn. Being raised by racist parents may have had something to do with this. In the 'sex education' I received at home, I was told that no white woman would, in her right mind, submit to a black man. Any image or story that put, in my mind, a woman in a place of sexual degradation, turned me on.
It got worse. I would get caught with a stash of porn, and my parents would take it away because it was wrong for me to have it. But I would get more as soon as I could. And when I didn’t have any, I drew my own porn, and wrote it as well, getting sicker and more disgusting over the years.
After a while, I had trouble getting and staying erect when I was out on a date. By the time I was married, my sexual dysfunctions were already plain. I spent hours sitting in my car, looking at porn and masturbating, watching women walking to shops, and sometimes I even exposed myself. That got scary, so I turned into a complete voyeur, covering myself and getting off while women walked right past me in short shorts or spandex, or a low-cut top. My wife would wonder where I was, I would wonder why I was married at all, and in the meantime, two beautiful children were born. Still, I was never home. And when I was, I didn’t want to have sex.
Women were objects to me, but even though I had affairs, I was happiest watching them -- in real life, in magazines, and in videos. When I did have sex with my wife, I had to have a video playing or it didn’t always work. I was a mess, and I knew it, but then things got even worse. I missed time or entire days at work, and spent the whole time with magazines like Forum, reading about women cheating on their husbands with black men, or husbands talking their wives into doing black men so they could film it.
Dogs and women were in more than a few Forum letters, and I read somewhere that Linda Lovelace once made a short 8 mm film with a dog. That turned me on; real contact with my wife did not. Even stories about straight, married couples bored me. The older I got, the more I needed to find new and sicker things in my porn.
Nowadays Hustler includes hardcore images. But who needs it anymore, when everything you can dare to dream of can be had almost free on the Internet? There are good, clean free sites out there that either screen their own material from only several contributors, or that scan files and remove anything suspicious or damaging to hardware. Once you find these, hours can be spent literally drowning yourself in porn. From videos to pictures to stories, it’s all there.
But now, years after being divorced and seeing one of my children die, I’m alone, in a rehabilitation program for my mental illnesses, and I’m completely socially dysfunctional. My self image is all bad. My PTSD from child abuse led to three suicide attempts. I still do think about suicide from time to time.
My physical health is shot from smoking, drinking and drugs. I couldn’t last a 15 minute session of good sex without coughing and losing my breath. I’ve had three heart attacks, I can’t get an erection, and without that, I have no reason to be with someone, because, sooner or later, sex has to become an important part of a relationship. Only now do I see what I’ve done to myself.
And it hurts. It really hurts. My life went by and I missed so many good things. It’s doubtful that I will live another decade. What the hell have I done? I never finished school. Never went to college. Never worked a job longer than nine years, and that only happened once; most were fewer than two years. I broke my body doing labor, further complicating my health today. And I have nobody to blame but myself. I can’t blame my whole life on my parents; once an adult, I was responsible for everything. And I accept the responsibility. I hold myself accountable for every minute.
But there’s more. It’s terrible, and it’s why I’m here. I still view porn. I have no sex life, even with myself, because I am only barely able to masturbate once in a while. And I need porn to do it. But that is not sad and pathetic just for me. Nobody who watches porn is ever doing harm to just themselves. And you already see from me that I’m living proof that using porn is harmful.
What makes me really sick these days is that porn is not just made up of the mainstream and above-board adult film industry. It was that way, not so long ago, but with the Internet, fringe producers and amateur porn is so readily available that one only has to look at the categories list of a porn site to be able to scan through thousands of titles and more genres than I care to think about. I never really liked myself, but now, looking back on how I contributed to something that has turned into this nightmare that is Internet porn, I’m just sick with myself. And I’m going tell you why.
Women who are involved in the porn industry are treated like scum. They work their asses off for less than you could imagine, they sometimes have to do more than one scene in a day’s time, and the more involved the scene, the more likely it is that some part or all of it might have to be reshot. They go home to husbands or partners who may have once been turned on by what these women do, but it gets old. Alcoholism, drugs and abuse are staples of life. Some actresses are statistically very likely to be raped while on the scene of the shoot, and the perps range from actors who feel free to treat a porn actress like a whore, to cameramen who aren’t getting any. And nobody backs her up, even when witnesses are there. Nobody intervenes and nobody will testify.
If you think that’s a lie, you probably subscribe to the whole “well, if she’s there, she deserves it, all part of the job” idea. Which means that you endorse rape.
Skipping over the parts about disease, premature deaths, fatal accidents because of dissociation from trauma which results from rape and constant abuse or coupling with men and women they find utterly revolting, let’s go on to the amateur films. And photo shoots. Sometimes a session contains both.
Let’s get one thing straight. You cannot have looked at as much porn as I have and possibly not know that amateur porn is even worse than mainstream porn. I’ve become very observational. My survival depended on what was in my father’s eyes when I was little. Not that he would have killed me, I’ll never know that for sure, but beatings with his belt were not punishment. They were a way to vent his anger; that’s it. I was often left with raised red welts or bleeding from his belt. I had to know immediately when I saw him what frame of mind he was in. I know eyes. I know faces, body language, even the subtleties of the meaning behind voice pitch. It’s often a clear sign that something is going to happen, and you won’t like it.
In amateur porn, we have a thing all older men seem to like, and some women, too: barely legal. I love the girls, can’t get enough of them. Many are professional models, and have really slick photos taken by the best nude photographers in the world. These are posted on sites usually containing very little hardcore material.
The problem is, with these models, and even more so with amateurs, you don’t know a damned thing about them. Most models that have that barely-legal look are amateur, or they’re pro and in another country, not the United States, but a country that has a lower legal age limit for consensual sex. But the really dark side is that you don’t know where the models originally came from, especially in amateur porn. For all any of us know, girls not yet 18 may be in there. And sex traffickers do not discriminate unless it is to opt for younger.
In this country hundreds of kids, from toddlers on up, go missing, never to be seen again. Some will be pimped out as prostitutes. Some as porn models. Some will go to the highest bidder in a country where a young woman or girl wonders what happened to her world, and is never again to see home or family. Boys vanish too, and most of those will go to men who pay lots of money to ruin a life.
Once any sex slave or prostitute ages enough that their looks have faded, and they are long past being totally dependent on their masters, they’re goners. According to a story about the Deep Net or Dark Net, snuff films are actually being done while top bidders watch online, and they even tell the person who is running the show what they would like to see done to the victim before the final coup is delivered.
If you find all of this a stretch and need to justify using porn, then you haven’t seen the faces in the photos like I have. My guess is that you did, but you chose to ignore it like I have for so long. I’ve been able to tell that in much of what I’ve seen that the women do not enjoy what they’re doing. I see fear, pain, and a trapped person. Like a deer in a headlight.
How about the girlfriend and wife porn, where the boyfriend or husband is behind the camera? Do you know how hard he had to work to manipulate her into doing a gang session? Or interracial, or lesbian even? Do you really think that every white woman wants a black man, and every woman is a bisexual?
Stereotypes aside, no, most wives only want to be with their husband and for him to respect and love her. In the end, if they give in, maybe they’ve been so manipulated that they believe they want what their partner wants them to do. Or it’s just to shut them up and get it over with. This works much like the battered wife syndrome; she won’t leave him but instead does his bidding. She’s a victim.
And men, well, it’s abuse and porn that make them want their wives or partners to do these things. Their self esteem is gone, whether they act like it or not. The cockiest guy in the room might be an alpha male, or he might be a victim. Who knows? Truth is, no normal husband should even be able to imagine his wife in someone else’s embrace in a passionate sense, much less want to watch her have sex with another person.
Porn hurts. It spreads its fingers out and grabs everyone it can, including women. I’ve known for years that more and more women are watching porn all the time. And sadly, just like some men, some women don’t care if they are really watching a rape, and others might be thrilled with it if they did know. Studies have suggested that of the violent television shows broadcast in recent years, the ones depicting the most violence against women are mostly viewed by women. (Maybe the men are instead busy watching violent and abusive porn that is even worse.) Many women have become indoctrinated by pornography and violence against women in the media, and they have gotten sucked into accepting it and getting mesmerized by it, just like so many men.
Women and men are growing more apart. Porn does not enhance a relationship; it slowly kills it. The sales of sex aids like Viagra will go up the more the population increases. Porn will be a big reason for it. It’s a mess, and it’s taking away one of the very best things in life -- true healthy intimacy between two people who care about each other. I should know how using porn can ruin someone's life. I wasted mine that way.
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ANTIPORNOGRAPHY.ORG NOTE:
Mike is now seeking help to overcome his porn addiction. He is also planning on making amends for some things he's done in the past by speaking out more against the harms of pornography, and by helping out the cause in any other way that he can. Go Mike! :-)
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Tdubbski (Started watching porn at age six. Became an addict and later a sex offender -- fueled by porn's damaging indoctrination. Now reformed and speaking out to help others.) (male, 32, U.S.) (May 28, 2015)
Why Porn is Harmful & Hurts People -- A Reformed Porn Addict & Sex Offender Shares His Story & Views
 I am a man who considered himself a porn addict. I started looking at porn when I was six years old and was instantly hooked. I even idolized the porn industry. To me, the porn industry looked like the glamorous life. I thought that the sexual acts I saw in porn were "cool" and exciting from the age of six, and I forever strived to be that way. I developed a belief that I had to be sexual like that in order to be loved and accepted.
As if being a porn addict and feeling like a dirty pervert because of my addiction isn't bad enough, I am also a sex offender. Please understand that I am not entirely blaming porn for the cause of me being a sex offender. I fully take responsibility for the choices I've made and the people I've hurt. But I will adamantly say that what I saw in porn and how I interpreted it at a young age poisoned my mind and helped me to develop the beliefs I had about myself, women, sex, and relationships, that paved the road to me becoming a sex offender.
These distorted beliefs I had caused me to sexually assault people and convince myself that it was acceptable and what I needed to do to feel happy and loved. After all, in my head I was only imitating what porn taught me.
The false allure of porn needless to say has definitely impacted my relationships with women. I started to view women as pieces of meat and believed they were supposed to act just like the women in porn. Again, isn't that what porn teaches us?
When I looked at the images of porn, I only saw the naked women and what it did for my mind. It wasn't until reading the stories on AntiPornography.org's website that my eyes were opened to the true nature of porn. I never thought about the people in the picture, what their lives are like, what brought them to this point in their lives, what struggles, pain and torture they go through, and how they are forever changed because of this abusive industry.
I never knew about the prostitution, sex trafficking, violence, drugs and alcohol, murder and suicides that were related to this industry. Reading the devastating stories this organization provided has forever changed how I view the sinister porn industry.
I feel an enormous amount of guilt, shame and embarrassment that I enjoyed looking at the pictures and got pleasure out of the things that caused so many others pain and forever changed their lives. It was sickening when I learned what I was standing for and supporting. I do not glamorize porn anymore and have not looked at it since reading the stories and having an epiphany.
I think it's important to clarify that I am a successful man and AM more than just a rotten sex offender. Many people see the term sex offender and assume we are monsters, pedophiles, rapists, and all deserve to rot in prison. But I am leading a successful life and have been in treatment for a long time. I hope that somehow I can be received as credible and knowledgeable.
Many people are probably asking themselves, "Why is this guy even writing this?" and to be honest, I'm not 100% sure. I wanted to provide an opinion from the view of a sex offender that I wholeheartedly agree with the AntiPornography.org organization and support them. And I suppose by writing this I can somehow begin to make amends for the harm I've caused.
I will forever have to live with the pain and destruction I've caused, and I know that it is only a tiny percentage of what victims have to go through. I am regretful to everyone for supporting this cycle of abuse and victimization. I only hope that someone reading this may change how they believe, and be vigilant against porn like I now am. I will never support sexual abuse and violence against anyone ever again.
I want to personally thank AntiPornography.org and all of the victims of the porn industry, victims of sex trafficking, and victims of prostitution who have had the courage to share their nightmares and personal suffering. Sharing the devastation and pain you have gone through was not only eye-opening but life-changing. You have helped me to have a better understanding of myself and the beliefs I've had for a long time.
To all of the victims of sexual abuse out there, I am sorry for all you had to endure. I am sorry for all of the people I've hurt and the horrible choices I've made. I know I will never be able to take back what I've done or un-change the lives of those I've hurt. I can only hope that somehow this will stop more victimization of people out there. Nobody deserves to be tricked, manipulated, and hurt for someone else's pleasure.
Once again, thank you from the bottom of my heart to those people who have had the courage to share their stories of pain, torture, and abuse. Without your courage and dedication the message will never be shared.
Shame on you porn and its supporters for ruining the lives of others. You are nothing more than sex offenders yourself.
Respectfully,
T-Dub
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Anonymous A (Was exposed to porn and sexual behavior as a child, became a porn addict, and is now getting therapy to help break free) (male, 25, U.S.) (April 21, 2015)
WATCHING PORN SINCE I WAS A CHILD MORPHED AND PERVERTED MY SEXUALITY
 My story starts when I was a child in elementary school. I witnessed several instances of sexual contact between a friend of mine and his sister. These events were never fully explained to me, and thus I was never able to understand what I had seen.
My friend at the time told me about a game that he and his sister played, called "Boyfriend/Girlfriend." The game sounded exciting and I was curious about playing it.
So one day all three of us were in a tent, and my friend and his sister began to make out. I did not end up doing anything except watching them.
The final time that I saw this event happen was in my friend's room. Both he and his sister were half-naked and were making out. Again, I was not allowed to be part of the act, but I was asked to watch the door in the event that someone were to try and walk in.
I did not understand what this all meant. I did not understand that what I had witnessed on a couple of occasions was not an appropriate relationship between siblings.
This led to my having a crush on one of my sisters. At one point in middle school I would watch her undress without her knowledge, because I was curious to see a naked woman in person. This also led to me seeking out pornography at a young age. I would watch porn on HBO during the free weekend events when everyone was given HBO for a weekend.
In the third grade I was shown a Penthouse magazine by a friend who lived across the street.
In middle school I discovered Internet pornography. Once Pandora's Box had been opened, I spent every day watching porn and masturbating, instead of spending time with my friends outside.
Then my dad began to date a woman with three girls who I found extremely attractive.
In middle school the eldest girl slept in the same bed as me. I could not help myself because I had never slept in the same bed with a girl my own age, who I found to be extremely attractive. So I explored her body while she slept. I did this again on a couple of other occasions.
One of the other daughters would always sit on my lap and flirt with me. I took this as a reason to be sexual with her. So I ended up flashing her.
My sexuality was morphed into a perverted state at such a young age because of the amount of porn that I watched on a daily basis.
For years I buried the shame of my own actions, and the events that I had witnessed at such a young age over a long period of time. I am twenty-five now, and for the first time ever I recently opened up to my entire family about absolutely everything that I have done and witnessed.
My whole family, including my two sisters, were shocked yet completely understanding of everything that I had witnessed and done. They did not shame me or leave me. They supported me through my time of need as I became vulnerable again.
I also began to see an addictions therapist for my pornography addiction.
For so many years I tried to quit using porn. But each time that I tried I would end up returning to it and having it hit me even stronger.
My promiscuity in college was the brainchild of my pornography addiction. I searched for more sexual partners than I could count. Sometimes I would not even use a condom. I would try everything under the sun with the consent of each sexual partner.
I lost a girlfriend due to me seeking out nude photos of an ex for a good solid year.
At the moment my porn addiction is not as strong as it used to be. However, it is still there. I am certain that with the help of my therapist, the support of my family and friends, and my own determination, I can forever quit my addiction to pornography.
But pornography has always been a part of my life, even if it was a negative part of my life. I used drugs to numb the pain when I was younger, and I used porn to do the same.
I want to stop. I will stop. And I know it will all end in due time, with much determination.
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Diana G. (Became a porn addict as a nine year old girl) (female, 34, Guatemala) (April 25, 2014)
I have been a porn addict since I was 9 years old. Ever since, I have used porn as a "safe place" where I can run, anytime that I need to.
My ex boyfriend is a sex addict and he has friends in the porn industry, so he introduced me to the industry in a different way. He showed me that the porn actors are human beings who have personal problems as well, and they have to be respected as any other person.
We have shared porn movies from his friends, and he has been on the set of some movies. We went to Los Angeles together to visit them a couple of years ago. This helped me to see the human side of the porn industry, but I am still struggling with it.
I have learned how to cope with my anxiety and am dealing with it. I am in my own recovery path, but the deep impact that it has had in my life for over 25 years has been very destructive for myself and my relationships.
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Starshine (Grew up with Internet porn, then realized it was harmful to both him and women, and stopped watching it. Is speaking out to get others to quit watching and speak out too.) (male, 20, bus driver, Ohio) (January 5, 2014)
WATCHING PORN IS A SELFISH PURSUIT THAT SUPPORTS HARM TOWARDS WOMEN EVERYWHERE
 Hi everyone, I’m a 20 year old male who wants to talk about how pornography has affected his life. I also want to say that this is all about online porn; I was born in 1993, so by the time I was online, the Internet had already been fairly developed, especially in this domain. I am writing this to talk about how pornography affects me, what helped ignite a desire to leave it, and hopefully to inspire others to do the same!
When I was maybe 7-10 years old, I had first accidentally seen porn when I was probably on a crack/warez site. At first I felt shocked and scared at the images I’d seen. I was wondering if what I saw was an actual bare breast. I didn’t think people actually took their clothes off like that and I was wondering if it was maybe still covered up. I would always get scared and hit the back button or close the browser. I wasn’t old enough to feel any kind of sexual pull towards people yet, so I was only shocked and bewildered. I was afraid of being caught by my parents and getting in trouble, or getting a computer virus, or seeing something even worse that would haunt my mind for days.
A few years later, after this had happened a handful of other times, I saw it again. But this time it was different. I realized that I actually enjoyed it and wanted to see more. Before long I was deliberately looking at softcore porn, but wasn’t sure what to think about doing it. Even back then I felt tiny twinges of guilt and shame, but my curiosity and pleasure led me onwards to pursue more and more of it. Something just didn’t feel quite right, but I still liked it. I liked seeing the naked female body, something that I didn’t get to see in person.
But it wasn’t until a year or two later that I really felt a desire to see more hardcore pornography, which my curiosity and developing sexual drive eventually led me to. Before then I would always feel that same initial shock until I grew a little older, shying away. When I started watching other material, I also became aware of other stuff where people get “punished” or do “gangbangs” or receive “double penetration”. It seemed like a bit much, and I started to think about what I was really getting into, and maybe that this wasn’t the right thing to look at and participate in.
Although I never really got into the “rougher” stuff, I was still feeling really intense pleasure from watching porn. The women were very beautiful, and they seemed willing to do pretty much any sexual act I would care to see. I wasn’t used to female attention, and it was always something I craved. In pornography, women are always willing to please, always look strikingly beautiful, and always act sexual and enticing. It was like a substitute for the real thing that I always wanted but never had. An escape. But in porn, women always pleased, and with a smile.
However, I soon realized that something was wrong. Sometimes I would watch in horror as the poor young women were being treated so harshly. I would want to reach out and help them and rescue them from what was happening. This isn’t what sex should be all about. I would learn that a lot of pornography turned sex into something it wasn’t; instead of being about love and affection, it became about power, and servitude. It was prostitution, plus a camera. I’d also read a lot of stories from people who were involved in the industry, and they weren’t pretty. By watching porn, I was supporting this harm towards a lot of women everywhere.
In school, I’d heard the other boys talking about porn and sex in a rather patriarchal way. I think that the male-dominated sex that is so prevalent in porn shaped their perceptions of sex. In other words, it was like their sex education that taught them what sex was all about, and how it should be done. One time, they even made jokes during an assembly about yearbook photography! It was really getting out of hand and becoming mainstream in their minds. They watched it during class. They made more references to it. I didn’t like it at all, but I felt pressured to conform to it in order to fit in.
I’ve also found that porn often clouds my mind when I don’t want it to, especially in sexual encounters. I’ve thought about it during real-life sexual encounters with people before in order to feel aroused, which I find disturbing. This got better as I made more progress in eliminating porn from my life, however. I’ve also found that porn has perhaps turned me into sort of a sexual narcissist. I had begun to view people as objects for my sexual pleasure, instead of fellow beings who also have needs and desires. Porn is a very selfish pursuit. It’s all about you, and what you want to see. Often at the expense of others, you can get anything you wish. It’s all out there for you to see.
Despite this awareness, I found it very difficult to stop looking. It was just too enticing, their beauty, smiles, and gazes. I eventually decided I’d go to the library if I wanted to use the computer and go online. Being around other people in that type of environment eliminated that desire altogether, and perhaps it’ll help others who read my story, too! (Even so, I’ve seen other people look at it at the library!)
Today I still feel the urge to look but I’m staying strong and avoiding it it, replacing it with better, healthier things. I yearn for the day that my body mind are totally porn-free. It’s going to take some work and effort, but I believe it can happen. I want to be free again.
Thank you for reading my story, and I wish you the best if you or someone you care about is dealing with pornography, addiction to it, or sex trafficking. There is a lot of evil in the world, but if we take a stand, we can put an end to it and make a lot of lives much better. Let’s work to end these evils, and improve lives and the world as a whole!
Best wishes to you all.
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Eric B. (Has gone from porn user/addict to porn addiction recovery helper and anti-porn activist!) (male, 38, programmer and digital marketing professional, New Jersey, Facebook) (July 18, 2013)
 I don't know what it was, but I guess something inside of me has always sort of told me that something just was... not quite right about porn. I'm not a moralist, or a prude, nor do I believe porn should be banned, criminalized or censored completely. But there are many times when I would feel a little -- what's the word -- icky -- after viewing porn.
Most recently, I had been using porn as an outlet (excuse?) for the fact that I have a sexless marriage. The reason I have a sexless marriage (or so I thought) was that my wife is 20 years older than I am, and past menopause. As a result, I stopped finding her sexually attractive during the last couple years of our marriage.
So, I turned to porn to satisfy this sexual need. I felt OK in doing so because I did discuss it with my wife and told her I was using porn. And she said she was OK with it, given our circumstances. I don't think porn has decreased my affection towards my wife, but I also never gave much thought to exploring any alternative ways to rekindle our sex life other than porn.
Now I'm starting to wonder whether the porn I used may have actually contributed to the decrease of my sexual interest in my wife. (But that's for another discussion. ;))
A couple of weeks ago, I decided to do some research on porn. I'd never really looked at any scientific, psychological or sociological research on the issue. During the course of my research, I encountered the AntiPornography.org site and Facebook page. I asked the moderators a question about viewing porn, explaining to them my situation in my marriage. That led to a deeper discussion of whether the harms of porn had been documented, what the moral and ethical implications of porn are, and the like.
To my complete amazement, the AntiPornography.org folks presented me with videos, lectures, peer-reviewed articles and a wealth of scientific data demonstrating the harms of pornography. I had no idea so much data was out there! I learned that there are many different ways that porn harms not only consumers, but actors, actresses and even whole communities. I had always sort of suspected something was sinister about porn, but had no research or evidence to back it up. Now I did.
After having the evidence of porn's harms, I just couldn't continue to use porn in good conscience. I'm a spiritual person, not religious, and definitely not any sort of moral fundamentalist. But seeing evidence of porn actresses being raped during filming; of STD outbreaks that have plagued the industry at various times; of porn's contribution to the illegal sex trade and trafficking; of the addicting nature of porn for many of its users; of listening to several ex-porn star testimonies of how brutal and exploitative the industry is; and on and on; and I just couldn't continue to support this grimy industry any longer.
So, I decided last week to stop using porn.
Of course, there's a big difference between knowing something's bad for you, and actually giving it up! I didn't realize that I myself was addicted to porn - at least to some degree - until I tried giving it up. My libido went into sheer revolt! Though I have not yet been completely victorious over porn (and may never be) I can definitely say that just in the short time of filling myself with a different, more accurate perspective on pornography, my desire to use porn has decreased noticeably.
I haven't won the war yet, but at least I'm armed and in the battle.
I've started a porn addict support group, (QuitPorn Group Text Hotline) and I've installed anti-porn software and AdBlockers on my PC and smartphone. I've also joined online porn help forums to get help and support in overcoming my addiction to porn. I have a long way to go, but I feel good about the prospects.
QuitPorn Group Text Hotline -- Facebook
QuitPorn Group Text Hotline -- Twitter
QuitPorn Group Text Hotline -- YouTube
To become a member and join our FREE group text community, start by texting QUITPORN to 23559 (U.S. only) You can also call the group hotline number and listen to audio clips that will help you stay away from porn. Once you opt in, you will receive instructions for how to join and share with the other members. More info here:
https://www.facebook.com/QuitPornGroupTextHotline/info
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Kyle J. (Porn addiction from an early age harmed him and his relationships) (male, 28, Twitter, @FallenMarvel) (May 22, 2013)
PORNOGRAPHY ISN'T REAL AND THE PORN INDUSTRY PROFITS FROM PEOPLE'S MISERY
 I was just like any other kid growing up. I was unfortunate to stumble upon "adult" videos at an early age, on top of becoming a socially awkward teen. I did not understand what I was looking at until I got older.
Since the age of thirteen, porn films were a part of my routine. I indulged in watching them almost on a daily basis. I always thought that I could stop whenever I wanted to. It wasn't until I was around seventeen or eighteen when I tried to put an end to it, but it turned out to be a lot harder than I thought.
There were times when I would use my computer to do constructive things, but somehow I would always find myself at a porn website. I tried to tell myself to stop more times than I can count. There have often been times where I have lost sleep from watching porn scenes on the Internet late at night. Things weren't going right in my life and I became dependent on watching porn to release stress, not knowing it was only adding to my stress. It really took away from the things I really enjoyed in life.
Watching porn films definitely skewed my image of what beauty is. It got to the point where I saw women who performed and I thought to myself, “Why is she doing this?” or, “She doesn't seem like the type that should be doing this." Subconsciously I didn't want to see them doing the things that they were doing in those scenes. I was so “programmed” from watching porn that my body would always disagree with my mind. I couldn't stop myself no matter how hard I tried to. I began to feel very low about myself for a long time because of it.
The last few years began to reveal how sex performers do exactly what they are paid to do: PERFORM! They are emotionless performances perpetuated as real sex. The act of sex is real in porn, but emotion is virtually nonexistent.
That’s how I began to feel. I was being drawn to something that was a complete fake and it made me feel the same way. I didn't want to continue watching it, but I could never get the images out of my head. It kept pulling me back in.
I came close to losing my girlfriend of three years because of my dependency on porn. It does nothing for real life relationships. There is no connection watching porn. With the knowledge I have now about the "adult film" industry, it makes me sick to my stomach to know the things that those people have gone through, and that I contributed to it since I hit puberty.
It’s a degrading industry that profits from other people’s misery, and it’s all because the industry isn't held accountable for its harmful effects. (And because people watching it create the demand for it.) Pro-porn advocates will very much say how it’s no different from being entertained by mainstream films, but I beg to differ. The images stay in your head for life.
I will never forget how watching porn made me feel. Some things I was fortunate enough to forget, but other things are stuck there until I become diagnosed with Alzheimer’s or amnesia.
Finding this site motivated me to share my story and feelings about what this billion dollar industry does to people. They make it seem so glamorous. Porn stars may gain a lot, but they lose a lot more. Of that I am certain. I only hope that my story can help someone else. If it does, then it is worth the effort.
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Nick F. (Has battled porn addiction for many years, but now has a happy and healthy life, relationship, and family. Learned a lot and wants to share his lessons learned with others) (male, 33, Utah) (March 3, 2012)
THINGS I'VE LEARNED THROUGHOUT MY BATTLE WITH PORNOGRAPHY ABUSE AND ADDICTION
I am married to a beautiful, amazing woman and we have two wonderful children. I have a steady job, a graduate degree, and a promising future. I’m also addicted to pornography.
Pornography abuse is something I’ve battled the majority of my adult life and is the one area of my life that causes me deep shame. At first it started out as a curiosity, an attraction to the female body, and was limited to images and “soft” videos.
As the years went on and the softer images didn’t elicit the same response in me, I started viewing things that were more illicit in nature. To be completely honest, I’ve never liked or enjoyed “hardcore” pornography. Every time I see it I feel like the person who drives by an accident — you know you shouldn’t look, but for some reason you can’t pull your eyes away.
The reason I couldn’t pull my eyes away is because, despite the disgust I felt both at the images on screen and myself for having clicked the link, there was also excitement, titillation, and pleasure in watching the videos. If that sounds contradictory, it’s because it is. It doesn’t make sense, but that is how I felt.
My pornography use was always something I kept completely quiet, fearing people would find out and think less of me. I consider myself to be a very spiritual person and come from a like-minded community. Amongst my peers and fellow community members I felt completely alone and isolated, as if I were the only person on the entire planet with the problem. I hid it from my parents, my family and friends, and my spiritual community for a very long time. Every time I gave in and looked at pornography, I felt dirty inside, hating myself for not “being stronger” and not having the discipline to just “not look.” Inevitably I would fall into the same trap, over and over again.
I finally decided to talk to my parents about it, which was one of the best decisions I could have made. They listened, they cried with me, they were very supportive of my desire to change. To this day they continue being lifelines. I started talking to spiritual leaders and even went to a counselor who works specifically with pornography addiction. Each time I talked to someone new, I feared they would judge me or treat me as if I were a pervert. But each time I was surprised to find how eager people were to help.
Another thing I noticed when I began talking about my addiction was how many other people shared my struggle. I wasn’t alone, something I should have realized when hearing about the multi-billion dollar industry that is pornography. Many others struggle with pornography use and have the same desires to quit as I do.
Years went by with cyclical results. Using a complete iron-will I would abstain for months at a time, but then something would happen — generally something that put my own self-worth in question — and I would somehow find myself in pornography’s accepting and strangling embrace. Using pornography felt like “coming home” to a place that made me feel good superficially, only to fill me with remorse and regret soon thereafter.
When I met and fell in love I was terrified my girlfriend would find out. When our love progressed and we decided to get married, I decided it was time to come clean. The day I told her about my pornography addiction was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It took her off guard and she asked me a few questions, but in the end she said we were in this together and would work together to overcome it. To this day I am still grateful I talked to her because she has been my biggest support in trying to overcome it.
For about two years now I’ve been going to a psychotherapist to help me understand and deal with my pornography addiction. I have leaned some things that are harrowing but also helpful to know. Some of those things are:
* Pornography is as addictive as heroin and easier to come by. You don’t even have to pay for it anymore. It’s practically shoved at you for free on the Internet. The same neurological process that makes someone addicted to crack-cocaine or heroin happens in the brain of a pornography addict, which means they suffer the same highs and lows, even withdrawals, because the limbic system of the brain believes it needs pornography to survive.
* Pornography is not a “victimless” pastime. The men and women who look at pornography propagate an industry that makes billions of dollars a year by using and abusing the sexuality and bodies of women and men who work in an industry that chews them up and spits them out for “entertainment purposes.” On a more personal note, it takes men (and women) like me, who have happy marriages and families, and makes us commit mental adultery with every glamorized porn actress or actor we view, while hiding in darkened rooms watching movies, looking at magazines, or surfing the web. It isn’t fair to them.
* Pornography distorts a man’s view of womanhood. Women play an essential role in society that cannot be filled by men. They put their health and bodies on the line to bring children into this world. It is a sacrifice, but one that most do with nothing but love in their hearts. In most societies around the world, mothers are held with the utmost respect due to their influence as nurturers, educators, and protectors. In pornographic materials women take on a very different role — they are the dominated, the “whore,” the “bitch” or the “slut.” In the five, thirty or sixty minute video they are taken from “seductive and pure,” (most of the time purported as “virgins” in order to relay a fake sense of innocence), and changed into objects meant for only one thing — to please the man on screen abusing her, and the man off screen taking it all in.
* There is a big difference, in my opinion, between “sex” and “making love.” “Sex” is an action, something that is done. “Making love” is that same action but with care and affection mixed in. Lovemaking is when each partner tried to please the other, make sure the other feels cared for and loved. “Lovemaking” is not portrayed in pornography. Instead, it’s all about pleasuring oneself at the expense of the other. The women are put in uncomfortable and humiliating situations, forced to do things unnatural and unsafe, all leading up to that “all important” and anticipated moment where the man ejaculates on the elated face of the woman he intentionally violated and debased.
But it’s all just entertainment, right?
The more I discover about the industry, the more I know that statement is wrong. Now more than ever I think of the women behind the “personage” on the screen. How do they feel inside? How do they deal psychologically with everything they are put through for other people’s “enjoyment”? I’m sure there are some who say it’s their job and mean it, but I suspect the majority of them have deep, emotional scars as a result of their time in “the business.” It sickens me to know that I have been involved in that, even if only as a spectator.
There are a few things that I’ve learned (and AM learning) that are helping me with my addiction:
-- The first is that I am a human, and as a human I make mistakes. It’s been important for me to realize this in order to help let go of my crippling pornography habit. It seemed that any time I made a mistake or something went wrong, pornography became my crutch. It was an instant high, but never did anything to fix what pushed me towards it.
-- Second, to become aware. This applies on a couple of different levels. I’ve worked on being more aware of my emotions, aware of what pornography is doing to me and my family, and aware of how it affects those involved. It’s amazing how often we go through this life on autopilot. Some days you get up in the morning, go to work, drive home and are back in bed and you can’t remember anything from the day because it was so routine. Being aware means knowing how I feel and why I feel it. It means knowing I have a choice, and that I can always choose to do something besides looking at pornography. No matter how many times I fall, I can always choose to get back up and do better.
-- Third, change only comes when you want it. Change isn’t easy. You can’t fix a decade-long porn-habit in ten days. It is something you will have to work on for a long time. But, I sincerely believe there will come a time when it gets easier and easier to abstain.
-- Fourth, if you relapse — and you WILL relapse — you need to know how to lift yourself from the dirt and grime, dust yourself off, and keep advancing towards your goal of freedom.
-- Fifth, you cannot recover alone. You have to have other people’s help. When you talk about the addiction, it’s almost as if it takes power away from it. If you have safe people you can talk to, they can help you when those urges come on — but only if you let them.
-- Sixth, be honest. With yourself and with your loved ones. You don’t have to go announcing to the world that you are addicted to pornography, but you’ll never be able to hide it from them forever. I have been lucky in that my wife has supported me from day one. I know others might not be so lucky, but you gain nothing from hiding your addiction from the one you love. It only makes things worse.
I am still working towards full-recovery. I go extended lengths of time without a relapse, and then, one day, it will happen. I’ll struggle for a time, but then I right my way and keep going. You can do that too. I know you can. Find like-minded people, share your story, take the power away from pornography and place it back in your own hands.
My best wishes are with you.
Finally, I know this might seem a little “too easy” or like a copout, but I would like to apologize to everyone I have objectified as a result of my pornography abuse. I would especially like to apologize to my wife and reaffirm my promise to her that I will keep working at my recovery. Thank you, sweetie, for all of your love and support throughout the years. I couldn’t do it without you.
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James from Utah (Determined to conquer his porn addiction by helping to fight against porn) (male, 16, Utah, student, handy-man and heavy equipment mechanic, YouTube) (Jan. 29, 2013)
THIS IS MY PORN ADDICTION STORY
The story of my porn addiction started out when I was pretty young, about the age of eleven. It began at my good friend’s house across the street from me. (Or at least I was good friends with him at the time.) My friend was just barely a year older than me, his family had a lot of problems, and much later in my life I found out that he did too.
Generally when we hung out we played outside or played video games. When we would play video games we would usually play on the Nintendo 64 or his “Game-Cube”. One of the games on the Game-Cube had a Star Wars game on it. In the starting menu of the game it would show short clips of different parts of the first three original Star Wars films off to the side. I remember one of the clips was of Princess Leia in that sex slave bikini but my relation to that comes in a little later in my life.
One day my friend got a pretty nice computer. We would play games on it together like “Rollercoaster Tycoon 2” and “Starcraft”. Then sometime after he had gotten the computer he introduced me to YouTube. We started out watching funny videos there but one day he showed me a video that had a pornographic clip in it. My friend stopped the video when it started to get really sexual and I remember it made me mad because I was curious as to what the girl was about to do.
From that point on, I can’t remember how often, but sometimes when we would hang out, my friend would have me play the Nintendo 64 while he watched porn on his computer. He was literally just about ten feet from me while he did this. I guess he thought maybe I couldn’t see the screen or maybe he just didn’t care, but one thing is for sure, he never noticed me watching porn right behind him or from a distance while I was at his house.
Then one day his parents got a divorce and not long after that his dad died. My friend started doing drugs, and got into big trouble with the law. Long story short we became less and less friends over a somewhat short time period, and eventually we got into a fight which ended our friendship.
Even though our friendship was over, my new lust for porn, however, did not end. Remember how I talked about The Star Wars clips in that video game? Well when I started looking for porn at my own house, that’s one of the first things I looked for.
I honestly don’t know what it is about Leia in that Return of the Jedi movie, other than she’s in a hot outfit, but it was the first form of porn I tried to get at. For Christmas I got a copy of that movie, and when my parents weren’t around I would “jack off” to the first section of it. I was about twelve years old at this time in my life.
After that movie just by itself began to bore me, I looked at some pornographic “fan art” of Leia online. I found out very soon that I am not the only one in this world that has a lust for her.
From that point to about a year ago I have struggled with porn, and at one point last year I challenged myself to kick the addiction. I went for maybe a month but then it just became too hard. I started watching porn again then I tried to quit. This went back and forth for a while, and I found If I tried to fight against porn it would help me stay away from it.
Then less than a half a year ago it came back three times harder. I had (semi-unintentionally) started my own pornographic YouTube channel, which lasted three or four months. I uploaded porn that I had copied from other websites.
Now here I am, and not very long ago I deleted my porn videos and decided now is the time I really will quit porn, cold turkey! That’s why I’m writing this now and came to this website for help. I know from past experience that I probably can’t do this just by myself, but with a little help I’m very sure I can quit this addiction.
Thank you.
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Anonymous Man (Youthful curiosity led to debilitating porn addiction, shame, depression and a suicide attempt) (male, 32, U.S., Facebook) (October 11, 2012)
My story started at a young age. It all started with curiosity. I am an insatiably curious individual. I remember growing up in home of culture. I grew up listening to classical music and my family had a lot of art books. I remember looking through these art books and seeing paintings of nude women, and I remember how I liked the feeling I had when I saw those images. I commonly sneaked around and would go to those books and see those paintings.
As I got older, I still had this fascination with the naked women. We had a National Geographic subscription at home and I would look through the magazines for photos of naked women. As I grew older, and got into middle school, my body changed and so did my internal sexual chemistry. These were the years boys brought their dads' Playboys to school.
I grew up with sisters so we had lingerie catalogs in our home. I would sneak in and look at these lingerie models whenever I had a chance. It was also in this stage of my life that I discovered masturbation. This concept changed the experience of seeing scantily clad females and having a very pleasurable response available. Additionally I found myself using masturbation as a source of release.
In high school is really when my spiral began. I got acquainted with some “friends”, and we started to do everything together. I grew up a bit of a shy person, and this group I found myself with started to crack my shell. I grew up in a very Christian-oriented household, and as I spent time with these guys, I started to rebel.
One of the worst rebellious behaviors was viewing porn. One of the guys I knew had a major collection of pornography. He introduced me to videos and magazines and ultimately, the Internet. I consider this the time that I cracked, the time I was about 16-17. All of a sudden what fragile balance I had with simple male curiosity was destroyed, and I found myself looking for ways to see porn. I snuck around the Internet, when no one was home. I almost got caught a couple times looking at nude photos on the Internet.
I went to college my freshman year and enjoyed a bit of a respite from porn as at that time I did not have direct Internet access in my apartment. But when I went home for vacation, I was on the home computer getting my kicks. Once I had access to the Internet, it got bad again.
I spoke to a counselor at school, notifying her of my problem, and she put me in with a therapist and an addiction recovery group. This helped, but with this addiction came LOADS of shame, especially right after I looked a picture. This shame conditioned me to feel worthless and a belief that I was less than worthy. At the age of 22 I even attempted suicide. I wrapped a belt around my neck and attempted to hang myself. But I could not go through with it, and got out just as I was blacking out.
After I graduated I left into the real world saddled with addiction and shame. It affected my performance in my job. I got fired. My supervisor even noted in the meeting that he fired me in, that he was not sure what was going on with me. I was so depressed!
This started a particular dark time where I spent HOURS holed up in my room watching porn on the Internet. I had no sense of self, I was so ashamed. I had no family in the area I was living. I was so lonely. I was very lucky, however, to have a pastor I trusted with my deepest concerns during that time. I conversed and counseled with him many times and these meetings provided insight. I started seeing a therapist. I got a job and left this spiral to a degree.
Then I was given the opportunity to relocate to an area where I had loads of family and friends and access to specialized therapy for porn addiction. I was introduced to a therapist that has been my greatest advocate in this fight. Additionally, I disclosed my battle to my family and received much support. I chose specific friends to tell as well.
I am in a better place now, I believe, although I deal with relapses and their attendant shame. My greatest frustration is that I have been robbed. I got involved in porn at a time in my life where many develop social skills, time when boys learn about women and wholesome, confident interaction and courtship. I am having to learn now to forgive myself for being a recovering addict and to be okay with life as it is.
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Mary B. (Porn addiction traumatized her & affected self-esteem & relationships with family) (female, 22, Denmark, Facebook) (Sept. 6, 2012)
When I was a teenager I started watching porn. It was only TV and magazines, but no movies. I was watching porn frequently without stopping, and I was a porn addict until 2008. At that time I felt that I hated my mother and my married sister because they have sex like those women and men on the TV.
I remember one time when I stayed awake the whole night crying because of a very explicit sexual image -- it was a close-up picture in which I could see all the sexual organs. Anyway, I had depression at that period and didn't like other people. I hated people while I was watching pornography constantly. But now, after I stopped watching it, I started feeling so well and I no longer hate people. Pornography had damaged my feelings as a girl and my self-esteem, but after I quit, I have retrieved my normal feelings.
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Z. Rhett (Overcame porn addiction by learning true love and respect for women) (male, 23, game designer, Utah, U.S., YouTube, RhettCandy) (August 17, 2012)
MY STORY IN LEARNING TRUE LOVE AND RESPECT FOR WOMEN; THE GREATEST CREATION OF ART IN NATURE AND EXISTENCE
I was 15 when I started looking at pornography. It sucked me in from little kinky dances in a bikini, to strip teases, and eventually one thing lead to the next and I was watching full hardcore. This lasted until I was around 18 years old when I had a profound period where I quit... For a while at least. But without it, I never would have quit again.
The problem was that I was an idiot with women. I couldn't understand them at the time. So... I started reading marriage counseling material such as "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus," "For Men Only, What Women Want Men to Know," and others... And I developed a deep profound love and respect for women and who they are, and also became very able to get along with them very well. I also read a sex book called "How to Give Her Absolute Pleasure," and after reading almost an entire chapter that was against porn and how unrealistic it is in expressing love to a woman you really care about, I REALLY found pornography to be useless...
It really saddens me to hear about how much harm is done to the most beautiful creation in nature, the Woman, in the porn industry. I've even seen porn videos before where women full out start bawling and crying and the porn directors voice it over. It made me very angry, and I turned the computer off. After a while, fighting the porn pangs and reading about women, I concluded that the only sexuality I really needed involved in my life was between a woman I love who really loves me in return.
It wasn't easy... Animal instinct took me over many times. Luckily, I have great intellectual reflex. One night, I was getting the porn pangs badly... I couldn't go near my computer. I knew what I'd do, and if I didn't find something out quickly, I knew I'd do it again. So the question arises... Why do I look at porn? What does my body want? It wanted to masturbate. I absolutely refused to look at porn, and I masturbated. The pangs went away after, only to resurface quickly. I knew I had a problem. I masturbated A LOT that night... But I didn't look at porn. I was 19 at the time. I fought the porn pangs by masturbating for a while, and eventually... I found myself only wanting to masturbate. The pangs went away! And then, my own personal choice, (I really have better things to do than jerk off all the time), I weaned my way off masturbation by keeping really busy, spending time with women, (keeping my virginity), and working out lifting weights to weed away extra testosterone.
My life is a lot better without pornography. After I quit, I had a few friends resurface the problem with their influence, but I cut them out of my life and quit again. It's been well over one or two years since. I am now 23. Without the influence of porn, I am able to have VERY good relationships with women. My hormones never take control of an encounter with a woman. I can talk all night with them in their bedroom, have a profound emotional connection with them, and never try to make a move. Of course, we may kiss and cuddle a little, but no sex involved... They never wanted it anyway. It's more gratifying to get in her heart, not her pants.
Women that have had lots of sex before always appreciated and adored me for the kind of relationship I could have with them. I had a whole room of women defend me against a man making fun of me for being a virgin once, and they adored me. Life truly is better without pornography. It harmed me psychologically, to the point where I was absolutely picky about women and what they looked like. I didn't see them as people, the only women I wanted were the best looking ones in the room. I was shallow and pathetic. But now I've gone far better... I'm a chick magnet. Really. :) And working out building your body with lean muscle by weights only makes it better. Many women have told me that they want a bad boy for sex, but they eventually want the good angel for their prince when things turn long term. I love women, they're the best of friends a man could ask for. I'm very satisfied that I got pornography out of my life. I must admit though, pornography has caused quite a problem in my parent's relationship, my grandparents' relationship, and a lot of relationships I know around my town. It really hasn't had any positive effects anywhere.
I believe that deep down in every woman, there's still that little girl that needs to feel that she's beautiful... And if men can learn to let love see perfection so that beauty may be in the eyes of the beholder, this dream can really come true for her. If you love her, she'll be the most beautiful in existence to you always, and no matter how old she gets, just like a mother with her child, she'll always be that beautiful woman you knew when you first met. True love PAWNS lust, if you let it.
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Anonymous Girl (Child sexual abuse & exposure to porn caused youthful sexual promiscuity as well as porn & sex addiction) (Female, 17, U.S.) (July 14, 2012)
PORNOGRAPHY AND MOLESTATION TURNED ME INTO A SEX AND PORN ADDICT
It all started when I was about 4 years old. I remember being molested by the daughter of one of my mom's friends. She wasn't much older than me but it DID make an impact on my life. She would make me do oral sex on her and vise versa.. And when I was about 6-8 I was molested by a boy not much older than me, too. He would make me watch porn and do things to me. That's where the porn first started.
I honestly cannot remember a point in my life where I didn't know what porn and sex was. I just remember always seeing it on the movie channels on my TV and on the computer. It traumatized me and affected my life in the future as well. I remember when I was about 6 or 7 years old, thinking: "I can't wait to have sex. I don't care who it is, I just want to do it." And that's exactly what happened when I started getting sexual at age 12. I had sex with one of my friends, she was also a girl, because porn inflicted on my mind that it was okay to have sex and that it was fun and pleasurable. So I did it.
I didn't have another sexual experience until I was 15. I randomly decided one day after watching porn (I had been watching it almost every day for years) that I wanted to lose my virginity. I called up the one guy I knew who would do it and 20 minutes later, I was no longer a virgin.
But it doesn't stop there. I turned into a sex addict because the porn just wasn’t enough anymore. I am now 17 years of age and I have had sexual intercourse with at least 25 guys since I was 15, and 6 girls since I was 12, other random sexual things with at least 30 people, and I’ve kissed around 50 different people in attempts to get more.
This also gave me a reputation and made everyone take advantage of me. I was date raped when I was 16 and I knew I couldn’t tell because no one would believe the “whore.” I was sexually assaulted on multiple occasions by several different guys (such as being held down on a school bus by two guys and being touched, people randomly grabbing my chest and butt at schools and different places, people making sexual gestures towards me and bluntly asking me to give them “blow jobs” or anything like that), and many other things. If I would have never been exposed to porn, I probably would have never come to this.
My sexual addiction and porn addiction ruined my reputation and my relationships with friends, families and boyfriends. And it will haunt me for the rest of my life. I finally came out and told my mother everything and I have gotten help for my addictions and found ways to cope with them and to push the urges away. I also got tested for STDs.
Now everything has slowly been going away. I have only had sex with my ex boyfriend and 2 other people in the past 6 months and I am very proud of myself for my progress. And my intent now is to not have any sex again until I am with the person I love. And I'm sticking to it. I'm very grateful for my supporting mother as well.
I will NEVER go back to that lifestyle, and I encourage my friends to wait to have sex because of the risk of STDs, to protect their reputation, and to avoid pregnancy. And porn will NEVER be allowed in my house or on my computer when I’m living on my own.
This is my 100 percent real story and I hope it helps everyone wait to have sex because things CAN and do get out of hand when you least expect it. And I was one of the lucky people who did not get any STDs. But not everyone is that lucky. I have several friends who have HIV.
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Hunter (Exposure to porn as a child eventually led to extreme porn use & addiction, causing him to miss out on other things in life) (male, 19, student, U.S.) (Feb. 4, 2012)
I got exposed to pornography when I was eight by my brother. I hadn't hit puberty so I didn't get addicted then, but I picked it back up when I was in the 7th grade. I started with just bikinis and stuff with no masturbation, but then it evolved into hardcore porn by my 9th grade year. The funny thing is that I knew what lust was, but I somehow didn't connect the dots between lust and pornography until half way through my 9th grade year, at which point I was addicted.
My addiction was fueled by loneliness and feeling inadequate about myself in many different ways. It has gradually gotten worse, and I don't know of a fool-proof system to end this. I'm in college now training to become a pastor, and am still very much addicted. I don't find myself satisfied with regular sex videos anymore. In fact I've almost watched gay pornography. I've watched many things that I couldn't have imagined myself watching before, and have missed out on a lot of things in life that I didn't want to miss out on because I was watching porn instead. I hate what it does to my relationships. I feel like I can't truly love a girl, and it makes me unsocial and frankly awkward around people. It's even tearing apart my relationship with God.
It terrifies me to think that I could still be addicted when I graduate. My Dad is addicted, or at least watches porn, and I just can't imagine myself being at that point without having defeated it. I feel like I'm not even a man because I can't control myself like I need to. I have told two people about this, and I think that has helped, but it hasn't solved anything.
Please pray for me
(AntiPornography.org note: We are a nonreligious organization but we do not discriminate against people of any peaceful faith, and we welcome personal stories about the harms of pornography and sexual exploitation from people of all faiths as well as from nonreligious people, as all such accounts are valuable in documenting and demonstrating the harms of pornography, etc. in order to educate the general public about these important issues.)
Daniel Ginn (Porn addiction led to use of more extreme & bizarre sexual material) (male, 23, England, Facebook) (Nov. 27, 2011)
My addiction was never an addiction to me for many years. It was just what boys did. Although I spent a great deal of money on sex chat lines, my parents never recognized my behavior as a problem. They just thought I was being disrespectful for using their phone.
From around the age of 16, when the free porn sites started taking off, my access to all the different kinds of material widened, and without searching for anything in particular, I found myself starting to view the more extreme and bizarre sexual material. I was never sexually abused as a child, and I was never subject to violence, yet the nature of the porn I was using was becoming all the more aggressive.
Like any addiction, over time the user's emotions and physical reactions aren't impacted in the same way as when one used the same level of material previously. The body and mind begin to demand more in order to reach the same pinnacle of release and euphoria. Unfortunately with porn, real people's vulnerabilities are being exposed in order to keep the addicts hooked. Men and women are being paid to lose all sexual morals and dignity, and have become slaves to the people who need their fix of sexual stimulation. But of course the addict is equally as much the slave as the performer. We are pulled into a false sense of security, told what we want to desire, and are given a hit of our favorite drug at the simple click of a button.
The fact of the matter is the companies with all the money are the ones that are truly destroying lives. Not the insecure girl in front of the camera, (who could have had many troubles in her own personal life, i.e. drugs, abuse, neglect, etc.), or the “alpha” male guy alongside her, or the depressed lonely addict who has been so easily exposed to the material like you and me. It’s the greedy, power-hungry control freaks who want to poison the world throughout. And as long as we click and their businesses makes money, for them there is not an issue! And why would our governments bother to intervene? While the average person is an addict and buying taxable pornography, the governments' wallets are increasing too. We have all seen the statistics -- nearly 5 billion (at least) is earned world-wide. OK, those porn taxes may not turn into the biggest source of income for the governments, but it’s a nice wedge of cash all the same.
The fact of the matter is I’m really scared of my children becoming addicts, or sexually tormented by some of the things that are so legally accessible on the Internet. Our addiction is so taboo that many of us suffer alone -- due to shame. If we push our struggle to the mainstream, and do it in force, then we really do have a chance of saving the health and lifestyles of so many generations to come!
I’m not trying to be a cult hero, or push people into situations they would rather not be in, but let’s use our suffering and turn our extreme negativity into relief and extreme positivity, by making sure we protect ourselves and the lives of others. Let’s give the middle finger to the greedy, and take control of the controlling.
I refuse to be held back by these people any more. I WANT TO FIGHT FOR MY FREEDOM AND THE FREEDOM OF OTHERS!
Stay strong and please share with others. :)
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LovedocPJ (Realized more reasons for not watching porn than religious ones) (male, 27, UK, YouTube)
hey thanks for posting those videoes real eye opener made me really think about my beliefs i'm religious so i dont watch porn, or woman being abused, but this helped me make sure that it was because it's what i believe is right rather than relgious guilt in a sense as in thats not what i'm, suppose to do, but yeah i'll be sure to spread the measage :) some of my friendsd need it lol
Mike (Was addicted to porn & wasted thousands of dollars on it. Apologizes to women.) (male, 39, Creswell, Oregon, U.S.) (Oct. 25, 2011)
Hey, my name is Mike and I want to share my story of my addiction to porn.
Well it all started when I was a child. I used to find porn in the weirdest places, like an old logging road behind where I used to live. Back then I didn't know how addictive porn really is. Boy, wasn't I wrong when I got old enough to buy porn legally. I started buying magazines by the dozen, watching porn movies whenever I could, and masturbating while watching the movies -- or even when I wasn't. Watching porn movies became the norm for me and I also spent, I bet, all total on mags and movies as a rough estimate, thousands of dollars on that garbage. And porn also led me to do something I thought I would never do -- and I only did it one time -- and that was have unprotected sex with a prostitute, which I look back on as a real dumb and illegal mistake.
Being a porn addict stinks. To be perfectly honest I don't like to treat anybody with any disrespect, especially women, because how I see how they have a hard enough time out here in this world as it is. They don"t need to be degraded by smut. Yeah I said it -- smut. To me porn is nothing but garbage and it is highly addictive and mentally and emotionally damaging. Hey I'm an honest man -- I admit I view that junk and I'm not proud of it at all. i wish to God i could stop because in all honesty I have nothing but respect for women, and all that porn and all that junk does is degrade them.
If someone ever tells me or you that there isn't anything wrong with porn, they are wrong. It's addictive and degrades women, and in my personal opinion and in all honesty I think porn should be outlawed plain and simple. But again that's my view and I wish to God I never got involved with that junk. And oh yeah, online porn is another one they should outlaw. There is tons of free online porn and that is extremely dangerous, since young children can easily access it.
To all the women out there, I personally apologize that I ever looked at something that makes you look like a piece of meat or a sex object. But anyway, I hope I made sense and that's my story.
Thank God for this website and other anti-porn sites on the Net, and God bless AntiPornography.org -- you guys are doing an excellent job. Keep up the fight against the porn industry and with God's help porn will be no more.
Thank you again,
Mike
Gourry Gabriev (Porn use as a teen turned him into a hardcore misogynist) (male, 18, Maryland, U.S.) (August 6, 2011)
Trigger warning: I hope this doesn't upset anyone, but you have to know that men like me really exist. Not for the faint of heart.
I grew up watching porn videos and internalizing all of the othering and bad ideas that guys get in a patriarchal society. When having the choice to choose between sex ed resources online and porn, I chose porn, it being more intensely sexually arousing.
For one reason or another I became a hardcore misogynist. I frequented misogynist spaces where they would post real pictures and real videos that were posted without consent and tell real stories of how they sexually violated women. It was all real, and I couldn't use "It's fake" as an excuse. I'm talking really disturbing stuff -- guys bragging about how they'd sexually exploited a girl, how they'd humiliated their girlfriends and could "make them do whatever they wanted." I didn't understand that there was a person that they were hurting, rather than a "slut who deserved it," like I had learned in pornography.
At the same time I was watching more and more hardcore pornography, and using the "It's fake" excuse. Long story short, YouTube-like porn sites came out and I saw not-so-enthusiastic-consent girls doing things that clearly hurt them or that they didn't want to do, guys with girls who were seemingly mentally handicapped, and incredibly viscous real rape, often gang rape videos.
It turns out that I didn't care that it wasn't fake. I got off on the degradation and humiliation of women. I got off on lack of consent. I even felt entitled to do so. In hindsight, I didn't realize that I had many choices, (porn like that was a minority and I sought it out), and was coddled (and was coddling myself ) with the "She might like it" and "You're not hurting anyone" excuses that are common in primarily male spaces. I even used these excuses as I got into feminism, and started questioning myself and the misogyny in those spaces. I also tried to make excuses for the fact that most of this stuff was posted without the consent of the female in the film, or just ignore it, even though I know how I'd feel if I was in her position. I just felt entitled to watch them either way and didn't empathize at all.
Now I don't watch any porn, and I don't make any excuses for myself. I still have the memories of those real abuse videos and I try to empathize with the women, and it's working, but I still find myself getting sexually aroused or empathizing with the abuser instead. I am a radical feminist. I learned to fetishize humiliation, subordination, degradation, objectification, and even outright hatred of women long before I realized it was wrong. I can't say I learned this only from porn as opposed to society at large, but porn did a lot of it.
I am living proof that what they say about porn is true, and I'm sure a lot of men who grew up in the Internet age will have similar stories. Luckily I'm a virgin and have never hurt anyone sexually, but I definitely did have issues with women and I recall harassing a few women. (Not in an overt, actual touching way, but more like Nice Guy TM and verbal stuff.) I regret it all.
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pure heart (Destroyed by porn addiction) (male, 15, UAE) (July 4, 2011)
Pornography destroyed me to the extent that one could not fathom. I watched it today, some time ago, and later felt so helpless about my addiction.
I got into it out of curiosity and now it seems like there is no escape. I cannot begin to imagine how I could get myself to see things I would never have even thought of. Pornography explores the darkest aspects of civilization which scramble your brain into thinking that it will satisfy your carnal hunger. To anyone who is watching porn, PLEASE STOP!! It will destroy you and erase your self-esteem.
This website, though, has been inspiring me for months, and I've had it with living the secret life of a pervert. They say the night is darkest before the dawn and my dawn has finally come.
Starting today I am done lusting. I hope anyone who reads this can get inspired to do as I did. Porn is a technological drug delivered through our computers. It's time we begin to control ourselves before it starts controlling us......
Jeremy (Porn use & addiction ruined his relationship with his female best friend) (male, 17, U.S., YouTube, th4Guy77) (March 16, 2011)
Porn is an evil thing. It will grab you and will refuse to let go. I first saw it when I was 11, then my curiosity grew. Now that I am 17, I cant live a day without it. Every hour is a battle to resist the urge to look at it. It is hard for me to be with friends and be with girls. I can't even look at a woman anymore without thinking awful thoughts. I have tried to find a hobby, but my will power will fade. I have taken up running, and it has become very successful. Still, the desire finds a way.
My best friend asked to use my computer, and since I didn't delete my history, she found out about what I did. She felt I didn't respect women and said she didn't know me anymore. When I pass by her at school, she looks at me, and I see in her eyes a voice that says, "Why are you doing this, I don't know you anymore." Once she caught me staring at her vulgarly, but as the good friend she is, she forgave me. Now she thinks I'm a low-life. She was my soul mate. No other girl made me feel the way she did, and I've known her longer than any other friend. I loved her.
And for those of you who say porn isn't evil, tell me this: Why is it that it has hurt marriages, plunged many in the grip of addiction, degraded desperate people, and why is it many of you cringe at the thought of not having it? Isn't it that evil destroys the goodness in your heart? When was the last time you looked at a girl and didn't think about dirty thoughts?
ninetyzero1 (Pornography use and sexual temptation harms) (male, 22, YouTube) (Jan. 21, 2010)
Hi. I really really thank you for this great effort.
Almost everyone who watches films and has Internet access would watch porn and sadly I'm also one of these people, and still find it hard to quit.
I friendly disagree with you in that films with kissing and sex scenes on normal films also greatly help in leading people to type words like "sex" and getting lots of results on Google...it goes on.
At the age of ten I was fascinated by female teachers who bent over quite often and were almost all the time wearing clothing showing a cleavage. I never done my class studies normally since I was 10 years old (since I was in year 6 at school).
I started by typing "sex" when I was 12 and it just never stopped and now I'm 22.
I really wish that women would wear clothes that don't show the chest area and I wish that both men and women wouldn't wear tight clothes and again, for men to also not show the chest area as that also causes sexual lust to most women. Cleavage (on women) also and very mostly causes sexual lust for men as soon as they feel that they can produce sperm. Unzipped buttons...etc
I haven't passed any exam and never prepared for it. I tried to but couldn't. I passed some with acceptable and very low grades. My mind was full of sexual thoughts all the time even though I am very tired.
Please girls and women I know it's hard for both females and males to stop having even a little bit sexually provoking figure but this generation can go back to being more productive like it used to be 20 or 30 years ago only when we try to have more elegance in how we live. I know that elegance in these days is also mistaken for fashion and see-through clothes fashion, but I mean the old one, the old true meaning to elegance where we can have men and women working together in the industry and in education premises without thinking sexually of each other or at least marry rather than do it in hotels and public toilets...etc.
Bob F. (Porn addiction) (male, 40, UK, YouTube) (January 4, 2011)
I've been a porn addict since I was 15 when I found a magazine on a train. I've struggled with this for so long, it's against my religious beliefs but it has plagued me on and off for twenty five years.
This site has horrified me and crystalised my long held desire to stop using porn for good. I've always known it is wrong but I was too weak to give up. The horrible truth of this industry has opened my eyes and provided the motivation for me to finally stop. I can see now how it is all a lie, the women hate it and are exploited. Us men are conned and exploited too, sad victims of our natural urges turned in perversion by this disgusting business.
Regretful (Childhood exposure to porn turned her into a porn user) (female, 23, Blogger) (November 23, 2010)
I'm a 23 year old woman who has been looking at porn for about 5 years now. I've actually known most of these 'truths about the porn industry' all along, (such as the ones addressed in your blog post "Jenna Jameson's 25 Good Reasons Why No One Would Ever Want to Become a Porn Star"), yet continued to use porn anyway. The best way I can explain it is that in the heat of the moment, I sought out porn to aid with masturbation, and temporarily ignored my intellectual disagreement with porn.
I was exposed to porn at the very young age of 12, thanks to a careless family member who stupidly left pornographic files saved onto the family computer, and pornographic magazines and VCDs in unlocked drawers. At that age, I was disgusted by the acts described. Yet, after continued exposure over the years, I became totally desensitised to the rough, filthy and hateful acts portrayed, and lost empathy for the women in the scenes. I found pleasure by relating to the male actors in the scene, as it was obvious to me that the women were just faking enjoyment/ barely concealing immense discomfort.
Right now, I've made up my mind to give up porn for the rest of my life. It's not just because of the harm done to the porn actresses. It's also because of the harm I've done to myself. My lack of empathy makes me feel like I've turned into a monster. I've lost all interest in sex; my head is too filled with images from porn. I can't take part in 'vanilla' sex without being reminded of the despicable things I've watched and feeling turned off by those images. I carry around this feeling of guilt everyday; I've helped destroy some women psychologically, and inadvertently watched actual rapes. Those images will haunt me forever.
I don't know if I can ever heal fully by abstaining totally from porn. I guess I deserve it for the harm I've caused to others. I'm hopeful that maybe in years to come, I can heal somewhat; but I have a feeling I'll be scarred for life.
GlobalNonCompliance (Porn addiction harmed his ability to have a relationship) (male, 20's, U.S.) (June 20, 2010)
WHEN YOU OBJECTIFY WOMEN IN PORN, YOU OBJECTIFY YOURSELF (AND YOUR CURRENT AND FUTURE PARTNERS)
, Porn is addicting, more it is insidious and will grow on you like a parasite. Porn opens young men and women up to a world of pain and suffering that they could never begin to glimpse from the get-go. It starts innocently enough with a computer in the bedroom as a teenager, it can end with taking one's own life like many of the men and women you watch like to do.
It will tear the lives of man and women, husband and wife, girlfriend and boyfriend apart. It will breed violence and decay within the minds of those who worship and salivate over these icons of sexuality and smut. It can be linked to an increase in murder and rape, pedophilia and a morphing of the social construct of sex in general. Porn is a gateway drug to deeper hardcore perversion and sadomasochism, the darker sins of humankind... SEX AND VIOLENCE AS ONE.
People think it's OK, but when you grow up with a computer in your bedroom, what you end up watching after years would scare somebody who has actually participated in actual hedonism. I haven't had a real relationship in many years because of my addiction and lack of self-control. You may say that's not me, but we all have urges, and you open up Pandora's box when you watch porn.
When you view pornography there are certain emotions and stress revealed, and when this become habitual, those emotions change almost overnight to guilt and anxiety, because deep down you know you're not only objectifying those women on the computer screen, but you're objectifying yourself, and your future partners. Not only that you're escaping something that you refuse to recognize within yourself, some lack of self-confidence or rage at the world. You are building THE damaging habit and burning terrible images into your brain that you will always carry with you unto death.
A healthy sexual relationship cannot exist in many people's lives when porn occupies a young man's thoughts, emotions, and chemistry. The problems with pornography here and America only embodies a much greater crisis, a crisis of the spirit, or the lack thereof in this civilized world. Be careful what dark forces you invite into your life and allow to take hold, because asking them to leave only faith and love can provide. Don't you have enough escapism already in your life, to invite another in you may never get out?
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G (Porn addiction and recovery) (male, 22) (August 22, 2010)
I am 22 years old and I was addicted to porn videos, but as the days went by I started to notice that the porn movies are getting more and more ugly, disgusting, sick and brutal with young and innocent girls getting exploited.by the porn industry. Not to mention that there are some teenagers that just don't seem 21 or 18 years old, some even look like 14 or 15 years old and the websites declare that they are at least 18. The funny part is that people under 21 in some districts are not allowed to watch 18 year old girls being exploited by sick people that infect the innocent girls with their incurable diseases.
I am now over this ugly period of my life that was really making me sick, and regardless of what the reason is for getting over it, I'm glad I did get over it, and more than that I now have the courage to talk to porn stars and try to convince them to quit porn and start a normal life, so that's what I intend to do to help.
StrictAntiPorn (Porn exposure at a young age caused obsession & acting out) (male, 30, UK) (August 20, 2010)
I have been exposed to porn since five years of age through my brothers who looked at porn in their teens.
This porn stuff has taken hold of my life and probably brainwashed me into thinking porn sex was normal. During my teens I became a bit obsessive about it and talked about it all the time. I got into a lot of trouble and nearly with the police as well, due to certain actions which I will not say here as it would have been serious if it did happen. One of the actions that got me in to serious trouble was writing a sex story. According to my parents it was pornographic and I got taken to the doctor and was threatened with mental health doctors and police due to the obsession. But the other problem caused by porn exposure could have cost a job or two by talking dirty and offending some females.
However I cannot sit around people talking such filthy stuff as I do get a feeling that I should not be there. Once I just got up and went away. Someone at work said "Are you ok?" I said "I am to obey the laws of chastity and therefore this conversation is not comfortable." They all said sorry.
Personally I am now very strict on the Laws of Chastity. I was already slowly turning this way before knowing the laws of chastity via other ways of hearing harms of sex obsession and what porn does to a person. However playing one game made me think of the past as if it was a mental block, as it reminded me of a brother who was into porn and a rude song. When I did realise the filthy past it made me have strong hatred for porn.
I would like to see Pornography made illegal. In my view it is a Dangerous tool of the devil to bring corruption amongst us.
However I will not associate with people who have this kind of obsession or keep talking of this subject or I may shun them. Same goes for work colleagues. Also Porn is strictly banned from my home.
OvercomingAddiction (Porn addiction harms & overcoming them) (male, 25, Australia) (August 20, 2010)
I have battled pornography for the last 12 years. I've gone weeks and months clean, but then have inevitably relapsed. I had been doing really well for weeks recently, but was then starting to slip and was about to succumb completely tonight. Then I found this website, and it has completely killed off the desire I had. I CAN overcome this addiction. I know it affects my mood, my temperament, my interaction with my family, my girlfriends, my friends, my ability to be successful at work and all other areas of my life. It changes you.
PLEASE have the courage to beat this. There's others out there doing the same. I will, and I know you can too.
J.L. (Pornography use negatively affected her behavior in relationships. Also was a child sex abuse survivor) (female, 19, U.S., YouTube) (May 23, 2010)
I BELIEVED THE LIES OF PORNOGRAPHY AND IT INFLUENCED ME TO BE ABUSIVE IN MY RELATIONSHIPS
 I'm not the usual statistic known to watch pornography. I am a homosexual nineteen year old female who also enjoys engaging in consensual sensual activities. But I can strongly agree that today you've made a big difference in my life as to why pornography is totally unethical.
I do see myself becoming more physically and psychologically abrasive to the ones I care about after viewing pornography; I would impulsively hit, slap, or poke my partner to the point of annoyance, or I would make insults to her on weight issues. I would ask myself, "Does she really enjoy that?" while watching the grimaces and clenched eyes, (most commonly seen in heterosexual pornography), when I believe that sexual gratification is more expressive vocally as well.
Thank you so much for the clarification regarding the definitions of eroticism and pornography. You've really opened my eyes. I do not take pleasure in anyone's humiliation, therefore I will stop endorsing and viewing pornography.
On a very personal note, only once as a preschooler was I sexually abused by a stranger; after the occurrence I gained a very different perspective on sex at a young age; but differently I did not see sex as appropriate until someone becomes of consenting age. I did also believe at one point that pornography was "normal" since I assumed the girls who partook in making the films enjoyed it. Ideally people do things they love for money.
Psychologically, I was very repressive about being objectified as something sexual; I'm not in total denial of myself of anything sexual, I am passionate and have natural urges as a human. However it took me many years before I finally allowed my emotions to gather and understand that I was violated as any of the girls who partake in pornography or prostitution, the only difference is that I wasn't given monetary compensation.
People who obtain gratification from pornography, prostitution, or engaging in a sexual act without permission should considered getting their heads checked.
Thanks again for personally approaching me for my comment, and a thousand more for creating your website and making a big difference!
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I3ecause (Porn influenced how he saw women) (male, 17, Dallas, U.S., YouTube) (May 15, 2010)
I've only used pornography to masturbate and I wouldn't say I was a porn addict, but I never knew the industry was that horrific. The examples they put on people, man I did not know what all these things were doing to me. For example: because of porn I saw women differently than I used to, kind of like sex objects. So I quit porn and I'm going work on getting my mind right.
Thank you very much. And I will spread the word!
aswtx75 (porn addiction/affects his humanity and relationship possibilities) (male, YouTube) (April 15, 2010)
I'm really trying to stop looking at porn. It's hard and in the past I have failed. Porn taps into this very basic need that I and many other men seem to have. It's easy to lose sight of the porn star's humanity and as a result slowly but surely lose sight of your own. I don't even know if, after 20 years of porn viewing, I'm capable of a real relationship with a woman. But at the very least I don't want to take advantage of someone else's misfortune anymore.
Jason (Childhood porn exposure/current hard-core porn user) (male, 22, U.S., YouTube) (April 7, 2010)
Hi there. My exposure to porn probably started at the age of 5 or 6. My grandpa was a mechanic and at the garage he had pin-ups and centerfolds everywhere. My parents were young and left us with their folks, who were and are quite dysfunctional. Grandpa would let us stay up late and watch HBO with highly sexual movies. Besides that somehow (still at a very young age) my brothers and I would find an abandoned cache of porn.
I am curious how it has shaped my idea of women as well as how it has guided women in a way itself. I am into filthy porn but I have noticed lately how extreme it has gotten. It has become an obvious sickness, women drinking milk enemas from each others' rectums, etc. Where does it end?
I am not necessarily from your point of view but I can understand it. That's all for now. Bye.
(Follow-up comment #1 from Jason)
I could love porn if at least the people involved cared about how they affect the world but they don't care what they do, no matter how much harm they cause, and I can't live with that.
(Follow-up comment #2 from Jason)
Porn has been the skeleton in my closet. I think I was at least a bit of a victim in the entire process. Strangely my uncle was anti-porn but raped me anyways.
(Follow-up comment #3 from Jason)
Damn you, you have me second guessing everything. I just wanted to watch people f**k, but I've spent a lot of time watching about the effects it has on everyone involved. I am a sensitive person and some things I cannot ignore, so I am considering trashing all my porn. Mostly because I don't want to contribute to an atmosphere that helps sick people like pedophiles flourish.
Ken (Teen porn addiction) (male, 14, student, Kansas City, U.S., YouTube, kpeking1) (April 6, 2010)
Thank you. I am 14 and am struggling with this problem. You have inspired me to begin the process of releasing myself of this "problem". I will continue to watch your videos and hopefully become clean of this awful problem that makes me feel awful, yet I do it anyway. I can't say it enough. Thank you.
Kyunshi (Porn user can feel how it changed him) (male, 20, student, Malaysia, YouTube, kyunhwoarang) (April 4, 2010)
I've watched porn stuff all my life.. but even though i didn't cross any line.. part of me want to stop doing it..i can feel how much it changed me..i'm actually making progress (to be a better person)
Juju (Porn user noticed degradation) (male, U.S., YouTube, ThisLittleBlackBook) (March 25, 2010)
In all sincerity, there was a time when i did watch porn; and then arrived another time when i was watching porn and it just wasn't sexy anymore... it was definitely degrading an demeaning and i didn't think it proper nor ethical to see a woman under such a light!
as you may have gathered from my crazy page you know that i love women and that i am a lover! what goes on in porn- in certain instances -is repugnant to my gut instincts in a multidinous of ways!
in the end, we have but, are gut instincts to rely upon...
now, i can't go around throwing blanket condemnations indiscriminately, but i will say this, the majority of it is wrong!
thnx again..
sepasgozaram (Sex addiction/unwanted childhood pornography exposure) (male, 23, YouTube) (March 14, 2010)
Marked as Bro, i Need help! ive used too watched porn since i was 4 yrs old, my dad introduced me! (ive stopped now tho) ive had oral sex since very young (6 yrs old and also at 12 yrs old) ...and im sick of it! i have a sexual addiction and Trciked many gurls and i fel likecrap about it!
Randy (Teen pornography addiction) (male, 17, Wisconsin, U.S., YouTube, emoisgay789) (March 6, 2010)
archnemesis35 (Pornography use harm) (male, 35, U.S., YouTube) (March 2, 2010)
I quit watching any and all porn several weeks back and I've never felt better, don't even miss it. Thanks to all the feminists out there who convinced me that the porn industry destroys women and transforms men into monsters. Keep up the good work!
tehn00bpwn3r (Ashamed about pornography use) (male, 43, UK, YouTube)
I came to the realisation that porn is a terrible industry a while ago and I am now ashamed that I used to indulge in it. I feel much better now I have stopped watching it and will never be going back.
People may justify it by saying: 'The women are enjoying themselves', this could not be further from the truth. Starring in sexual material destroys people mentally, and can ruin their whole life.
It is a shame that more of us don't realise exactly what's happening - but then it is being pushed onto and promoted to all of us. I suppose what really got me thinking is that when (hopefully) I have my own daughter, her degrading herself to the likes of 'exotic dancing', pornography or prostitution - all for a quick bit of cash, would destroy me... so why would I want other people's daughters to go through the same thing, all for a quick thrill. Hopefully in the future the whole sex industry can be put to a stop.
Great channel and keep up the good work!
Luis (Porn addiction) (male, 14, San Antonio,Texas, U.S., YouTube, xmaster963)
* EARLY EXPOSURE:
Most men or women who get addicted to porn start early. They see porn when they are very young & it gets its foot in the door.
* PORN ADDICTION:
You keep coming back to porn. It becomes a regular part of your life. You're hooked and can't quit.
* ESCALATION:
You start to look for more graphic pornography. You start using porn that disgusted you earlier. Now, it excites you.
* DESENSITIZATION:
You start to become numb to the images you see. Even the most graphic porn doesn't excite you any more. You become desperate to feel the same thrill again, but you can't find it.
* ACTING OUT SEXUALLY:
This is the point where men or women make a crucial jump & start acting out the images they have seen. Some move from the paper & plastic images of porn into the real world, with real people, in destructive ways.
wow all that has happened to me
(AP.org note: The description of the five stages of porn addiction was copied by Luis as part of his comment from where he saw it on the APB channel description)
Omar (Porn temptation) (male, 25, Morocco, YouTube, LionEntity)
Thank you :) I have just registered to your account. You know, I still get tempted to watching porn sometimes...even though I am basically against it. It makes me sad, and I know the reason why I get pulled by it, and that's because I'm single and I can't find someone with who to have a true loving relationship. Really makes me sad, and at the end it's as if my biology needs to ease off itself sexually, and the only thing at my disposal is porn videos....so sad, isn't it? Whenever I fall in love, I don't even think of watching porn. Love is the true cure for porn.
Follow-up comment March 2, 2010:
Thank you for what you said on my channel...i really thank you for your help. indeed, i'm (was) still struggling with porn, right now i haven't been watching it and don't really feel the need, but the fear of it coming back is in me...it's so cruel how they use our biological needs to make us want to watch porn. the last time i was going to watch it and decided not to, was a few days ago. since then, i haven't felt the need. you are right when you say that i should be worthy of love by stopping porn. it's true. please give me some more advices, some more tips...it would really help.
Aaron J. (Porn addiction led to desensitization, divorce, and escalation to using prostituted women) (male, 41, trucker, U.S., YouTube, gop4usa12)
LEARNING THE TRUTH ABOUT THE HARMS OF PORNOGRAPHY SET ME FREE FROM MY ADDICTION
 Thanks for all you're doing to fight off the porn industry. It's absolutely amazing how blind we can be to the effects of pornography until our lives become damaged. I allowed myself to continue drifting into my porn addiction up until recently. I always figured I'd eventually "grow out" of it. I would set New Year's resolutions year after year, thinking I could just indulge until that date and stop for good. I have been living a double life for over 20 years.
I married, got divorced, and have three girls. Ironically my wife got me started into my pornography addiction. For my 20th Birthday she bought me a one-year subscription to Playboy. She thought if I read the magazine it would help our sex life. But all it did was make me resent my wife for not looking like the Playboy models. Our sex life was boring and I eventually found more pleasure in masturbating to the Playboy photos. I found pornography to be a convenience because it was all about my own satisfaction rather than having to worry about pleasing my wife. We divorced after eight years of marriage because we were both just bored with each other.
So I started buying more hardcore magazines. Playboy wouldn't do it for me any more. I remained hooked because of the lie that there will always be something better around the corner. Just check out one more website or just check out this one last porn star. There was always something new to be curious about.
I have always known that pornography is wrong. But my problem has been not having an understanding of WHY it is wrong. Somewhere in my mind I could reason that since I'm not the one committing the acts on the set nor did I set the stage or hire the performers, somehow it was okay. My addiction progressed to me hiring prostitutes and having sex in oriental spas. I just craved sex any way I could get it.
The one thing that broke this cycle was when I began surfing through anti-porn sites, starting with your AntiPornographyBlog channel on YouTube that featured Sasha Grey's interview with Tyra Banks. Discovering what it's really like to be a porn star got me to the point where I don't care to re-enact their experience anymore.
Part of my addiction was my envy of porn stars. I envied them because I thought they were really living it up, making all kinds of money while enjoying nonstop sex. By visiting anti-porn sites I could see that they actually live a miserable life. I didn't know that so many of them have died of suicide, overdoses, murder, and AIDS. I also didn't realize how many are abused and underpaid.
The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was affecting my personal life as well. Every time I'd come home to my family I couldn't wait to get back on the road so I could indulge in porn again. I have also been lying about my finances because I couldn't admit I was spending money on my addiction.
So here I am, taking it one day at a time. I don't view pornography anymore. To occupy my time I read through anti-porn sites and I find more time to exercise. I could go to a porn site right now, but I choose not to. Again, thanks for helping me open my eyes to the truth about pornography.
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heydaralon (Porn addiction) (male, 29, military, U.S., YouTube) (x)
Pornography desroys marriages. It ruined mine! I can never be intimate with my wife (or anyone) the same for that matter and it cheapens the God given gift of sex. Stop this horrible business!
marrillion11001 (Porn addiction) (male, 40, Ireland, YouTube)
Thank you for inviting me here. I'm an ex porn user and I came to realise in the end the wrongness of it. The shame and self disgust I felt became overwhelming. It has done me genuine harm. If you ever need any testimonial from me on what it does to those who use it, or want me to tell me story in full don't hesitate to get in touch. I will contribute any way I can to stop others from falling into its trap.
This was something I was slowly pulled into and then it just went on for years and years, with me constantly promising myself I would quit and constantly failing. It was just a vicious circle that went on and on, the more I used it the worse my relations with opposite sex became. The worse they became, the more I went into it. The longer it goes on the harder it is to break out of the trap. It is like being in an abusive relationship.
One of the things that finally turned it around for me was when I learned that 80% of serial killers who were interviewed by the FBI after they were captured said they were regular users of hardcore porn. EIGHTY PERCENT. Then I learned of the high drug abuse and suicide rate among porn actors (I don't want to call them pornstars). I realised I couldn't go on using it the way I had been, not if I wanted to save what was left of my self respect. Thankfully I'm getting help for it now, I'm in treatment, building my life over.
ChouaBoy (Porn addiction) (male, 22, Minnesota, U.S., YouTube, chouavue2)
hey thks alot. porn is so addictive and really make me shameful of myself. i have never told anyone close to me. i struggle to quit myself for years. now at a christain college, i hope my friend here would help me, but it really hadnt happen. watching this channel have help alot. i pray that God give me the will to pull through. recently i havent watch porn for a month now. i trying to fit other thing into my schedule so i wont be tempt to watch. so many other things also going around me, but there bigger prob with the world for us to worry about. not time for me to think about myself only. time for me to prepare myself and be ready for whatever God cal me to do.
just want to thks this channel so much for all that it done for me and for other who struggling.
dougcl79 (Compulsive porn use drove him to watch underage porn & get investigated for it) (male, 31, dental hygienist, U.S., YouTube)
USING PORN RUINED MY RELATIONSHIP AND DROVE ME TO WATCH UNDERAGE PORN AND GET INVESTIGATED FOR IT
 I like your page, and porn does hurt people, as it has for me personally.
Porn distorts and harms relationships...
I was first exposed to porn at about 10 and watched it on and off for years... While I don't have any moral objection to the men and women who do it, I'm fascinated by the psychological state of a woman who is willing to have sex on camera with a complete stranger and allow herself to be degraded in the videos I've seen.
Well, I'm not defending porn, but keep in mind that most of these women choose to enter into the business... they are not all victims.... However, I do feel sorry for a lot of them and do feel a bit bad after watching it. Almost like I am victimizing someone who is obviously screwed up.
The issue of porn basically destroyed my relationship because I thought it was ok to watch it when my girlfriend wasn't with me. Her father had issues with porn as well.
As my problem with porn progressed, I found myself looking up more and more disturbing things, the worst being underage porn. For this I have a lot of guilt and now I am in the middle of an investigation. I got rid of the computer that the illegal stuff was on, but that doesn't make the guilt and the feeling of what I did go away. Porn is not just videos and pictures... Whether you realize it or not you are victimizing someone and poisoning your mind.
Thanks for letting me post
I hope I didn't come off as if I was defending porn...
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tissetatten (Porn addiction/brainwashing) (female, 25, Sweden, YouTube)
I saw the price of pleasure documentory, and some other videos on your page, and boy am I disgusted, I always told my self, the girls are ok, they look happy (somtimes, doing all thes desgusting things that I woud never do) becuse I wanted to justefy my actions of watching this garbage, I cant justify it any more, I will try to stop watching it, (though its not as easy as it sounds whene ur kinda adicted to it) becuse I know it has ruind my own fantasy, I would never think of this kind of scenes on my own. Now I have to get them out of my head and start thinking for my self, What do I like, and not what I have been programed to like by watching some "producers" pore idea about sex.
I really think there should be some sort of rehab or meatings like AA, to ppl that have been watching this sort of thing.
JUNIOR6289 (Pornography addiction) (20, U.S., YouTube)
i give u mad props for doin this , i still have a addcition to porn but im trying to stop , its not right for all these young girls to have sex for money . good luck wit this page ill give u all the support i can .
gearoid60d (Porn use harm) (London, UK, YouTube)
Hello
Thank you for this wonderfully informative site. You are to be commended for the work that you are doing & for highlighting the startling facts & revelations that need to be exposed. I am not sinless in this area as pornography was seen as totally normal & acceptable whe I was in my teens & I never thought of the wider implications & consequences..
Thankfully I managed to kick the habit & feel liberated as a result.
Will be an avid viewer & follower of your site from now on.
Take care & thank you for the invite
Markus (Pornography use and addiction twisted his view of women and corrupted his thinking) (male, 22, Germany, YouTube, isurugi)
I’M CHOOSING TO QUIT WATCHING PORN BECAUSE I WANT TO RESPECT WOMEN AND MYSELF AGAIN
 Thanks to you I have been putting effort into quitting watching porn. So I honestly want to thank you. Because of your blog and the videos you have uploaded to show the painful but undeniable truth, I have been doing my best to quit watching pornography and further show the respect to women that I already had been doing.
The thing is, porn isn't only unhealthy for the porn stars but for us watchers as well. It twisted my view on women, made me view them as sex objects, and I wouldn't respect women the way they should be respected. I was always thinking about sexual acts every time I met a new girl or my friends.
It may not be a serious issue now but I know that it is going to screw things up big time later on when I get a girlfriend, a wife, or a family. People think porn is just sex on film, some with fetishes, this and that, but refuse to acknowledge the fact that it corrupts the way the viewers think, which may or may not influence their behavior.
You see, there is this girl I love, and while she may not return the same feelings, I want to respect her as the lady she is, and myself. I didn't want my "mental addiction" to pornography and my "physical addiction" to jacking off to become an issue, so I decided it's time to stop. It's time to quit watching women getting humiliated on the Internet and in the videos. I'm not doing this for this girl I love but for myself. She is someone I care for and she deserves the respect whether or not she returns the feelings. Not only she should be respected, but every other girl out there, even the porn stars who got into the business.
These women in porn are being treated like dirt, like crap, and it made me feel guilty watching them on film. I feel like a jackass attending to my pleasure at other people's displeasure and misery. But thanks to you it actually struck me and influenced me to quit.
I honestly hope I keep this up, and I thank you for your time.
Yours sincerely
"isurugi"
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r4scuache (Porn addiction harmed him mentally and emotionally and kept him isolated and away from real relationships with real women, and now he has no social skills) (male, YouTube)
 I must admit that for most of my adult life I have watched porn constantly, and I haven't realized until recently all of the damage that it has done to me emotionally and mentally.
Pornography isolates you from the real world and turns you into a sex starved person. Pornography is exactly like drugs -- it's an addiction that will eventually ruin your life. I have a hard time developing real and strong relationships with women, and it's because I was so dependent on porn when I was lonely, and got addicted it. So now I have absolutely no social skills whatsoever. I have a hard time talking to women.
The truth is, most women are not like those porn stars we see in films, and they don't want to be treated like porn stars get treated on film. Porn stars get paid for what they do, that's why they do it. Real women are way way different than those depicted in porn films.
One final thought: I think porn is the reason 45 year-old lonely men become 45 year-old lonely men. They're too dependent on porn for temporary relief of depression, but emotionally they receive nothing positive from it. Because of porn they live their whole lives alone and depressed. They learn no social skills and think that we live in a world where all that women want is sex, or to be treated like they do in films, so that becomes their mentality.
Different types of people watch porn, but I think that those that get affected the most are the ones that have never had a real relationship with a woman. I think we should teach kids more about being in relationships based on love and respect, and encourage them to seek love, so that one day we don't have to fill the voids with porn.
*Photo credit: http://www.flickr.com/photos/cryogenica/2520890772/
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yowmc2000 (Porn addiction) (27, UK, YouTube)
porn to me was very much like tobbaco. i was addicted to it at one stage but deep down i new it was wrong and it was effecting my lifestyle very much. i have now broken free of this demon, and i am in very much support in what you are achieving. god bless.
Leonardo (Former porn user) (male, 20, Venezuela, YouTube, leopabon10)
At really, i saw porn every days after the school (execeps) i left it and i dont take again.
More than many months...I DONT SEE PORN, now i dont get adiccted =)
Para Cetamol (Porn addiction) (male, 23, YouTube, BASHKIRTATAR)
Interesting channel. I am a 23-year-old male and I must admit I am rather addicted to watching porn. It is good to see somebody who is actually against pornography, rather than getting confronted with pornography 24/7.Thanks for your reply. I will check out the links and do some research. I have never really tried to free myself from porn, but I think it's getting rather out of control. I don't watch any of the horrible porn that is mentioned in your Max Hardcore video. I always watch 'normal' porn, but still that's not good. I think my view of women is really damaged after all those years. Perhaps porn is also the reason why I have never really had any intimate contact with women. I don't know how to talk to women or how to act around them. I will now check out the links and hopefully I will gain some good knowledge! Thank you!
2prize (Porn addiction) (YouTube)
omg ur actuly makin me think twice about porn damn. but im probly gonna watch it in about 30 mins but keep up the good work =]
hey i was looking at your "five stages of addiction " thing im think im an early stage 4 is that bad considering im only a teenager
RealEros1 (Pornography use) (male, 22, United States, YouTube)
Hello. I quit porn only a year ago due to faith based reasons, but when I found your channel it give very detailed reasons and very reasonable combats to the pro-porn people who believe they're "supposedly" giving more freedom to others. (I am against pro-porn people.) I will be sending your videos to all my friends and to those who want world peace and so that people can find true love, not "porn," which is the opposite. So if there's anything you might need my help for you can count on me. :) Good day.
pitput8080 (Pornography addiction) (male, 29, Israel, YouTube)
FEW THINGS:
1. I'm a man.
2. I've watched plenty of porn ever since I was 13... (29 at the moment).
3. Porn made me look at women as pieces of meat that need to be Humiliated and all the nasty things that I have seen in the pornographic films.
4. Porn and prostitution is the same - Money = Meat.
5. Watching Porn is Addictive and like most addictions wastes a lot of precious Time.
6. I never regarded the down side of porn to the women themselves who take part in porn films, until I heard this girl Sasha Grey who has obviously lost all of her humanity.
7. Now that I Understand I hope something good will happen to her and she will, out of nowhere, realize that life is more than money...
8. I will Make an effort to avoid porn in the future so the lives of more people like this poor girl won't get screwed.
Thats it.
Nikki (Sexual abuse/pornography use) (female, 37, U.S., YouTube, souldecirce)
Gawker, a blog, featured an interview recently with porn star Sasha Grey. In trying to determine the truth about the "stomach punching" incident, I came across your Tyra Banks videos. I just have to commend you on the exhaustive, dignified work that you've done & continue to do in these efforts. I was introduced to pornography at a very young age, & was sexually abused. I, like many sexploited workers, have battled with warped views toward sex. Fortunately these destructive events in my childhood were intertwined with two married parents who encouraged intelligence & civility in their children. I have removed pornography from my life & have decided that I cannot support it. Your articulation of the reasons why it's so destructive are the most thoroughly convincing I've seen. I thank you, with all my heart. Also, thanks to you (& the auteur of the memorial video), I am feeling less ashamed about my previous involvement in perpetuating the porn industry, & proud of my stance against it.
I can't express the positivity that has infused my life since letting go of the destructive element of pornography. really appreciate the work you've done, and continue to do, APB.
Leon (Pornography addiction) (male, U.S., YouTube, zgenstru)
Hey -- I just wanted to thank you for the anti-porn videos out there. I'm still a porn addict sadly, but I'm pleased to say that I am recovering (slowly) from my unhealthy addiction. I still might need to seek professional help, but I'm glad I could receive some help from your channel and videos. Thanks again for the videos. :)
Seek1701 (Pornography use) (male, 31, UK, YouTube)
The reason why I'm so interested in this information is that I've heard from a lot of guys who gave up porn and had much better relationships with women as a result. I've also heard of guys having better orgasms when they gave up porn.
It seems that porn actually prevents men and women from forming sexual relationships and friendships and actually creates more loneliness and sexual frustration. It has certainly being my experience.
For me this channel will be a regular commitment to never use porn again.
Thanks for getting all the information out.
LorentJovet (Pornography use) (male, 30, France, YouTube)
I have become more and more disgusted and bored by porn and plan to give it up seriously and this wouldn't have occured to me if it wasn't for this channel. Thanks !
Peter (Pornography use) (male, 25, Rotterdam, Netherlands, YouTube, PeterTheZoo)
I'm very much against pornography as well, even though I will admit I have problems with it. But there's nothing "good" about porn. And, yes, it is the a major cause of rape and other sex crimes. Death to all pornography, is my stance.
Keep up the good work. ;-)
Peter
Christian (Pornography struggles) (male, 24, U.S., YouTube, vometcomet)
Thank you for the kind words you left on my channel. I am happy to lend my support to such a noble cause. I have struggled with pornography much and still continue in this struggle. Your channel is enlightening and informative. God bless you--Christian.
AVoiceCrying33 (Pornography addiction) (male, 33, Madison, WI, U.S., retail worker, YouTube)
speedcruz (Pornography addiction) (male, Belfast, Ireland, YouTube)
As someone who suffered with pornography addiction, I can only wish you the absolute best of luck in what you're doing. Pornography almost distroyed my life, I don't want that happening to anyone.
TheStrokes229 (Pornography user) (male, U.S., YouTube)
I want to thank you for everything. You are doing a very noble and heroic deed. Your videos & ideas are great and I am so glad someone is speaking out against this issue in a respectful & reasonable manner. I must admit I have watched porn and I used to think it was harmless. But your videos have changed my views on it and I realize that when people watch porn, they are promoting the problem, which is harmful. I will no longer promote these videos that degrade women & promote abusive behavior.
Mitch (Pornography use) (male, 30, South Africa/U.S., YouTube, mitchee009)
hi dear friend,
i call you dear friend, because your channel has taught me very powerfully. as a young man, i have watched porn, but after your enlightening words, and especially, watching the Tyra Banks interviewing the 16 year old prostitute, and Sasha Grey; wow... very meaningful to me as a young man. i have always loved woman, in a very heartfelt way, but still was attracted to the eroticsm of porn. all my friends, some family, and men i was around and i liked porn, and many still do. but as i grow older, and appreciate the Power of a woman, and her heart and emotional realm, that is definitely beyond us men, i have come to sincerely appreciate this.
it is an honor to know and be friends with you, because you have certainly empowered me as a young man of 29, and with out a doubt, deeply improved me into a better, more conscious man.
Namaste,
mitch
IamAwake86 (Pornography and sex addiction) (male, 41, U.S., YouTube)
Wonderful to see this kind of channel. As a recovering sex and pornography addict, I would like to say that there is hope. Pornography destroyed my life and held me in its evil grip for many years. It severely impaired my ability to have a healthy, loving intimate relationship. For a time I thought that I was hopelessly impaired that sex without abuse, dominance and cruelty was not possible for me. That a healthy loving relationship was beyond my grasp. I no longer believe that. Through 12 step programs and support groups I have been abstinant and porn free by the grace of God for almost 4 years. Thank you for letting me share and God Bless
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nijeshniju (Pornography user) (male, 22, India, YouTube)
Hello. I am a guy just like most young people that blog, chat and go online for sexy photos, etc. That's how I know porn star Sasha Grey. I heard that she had a bad past life, and I came to YouTube to search for more info.
I was in tears while watching your videos of Sasha on the Tyra show. She is really addicted and more and more people are getting addicted. I used to watch pornos, but now I have a sense of awakening against it, and special thanx to you for that.
I love your idea and intention to stop this, and I too am seriously saying that this has to be stopped.
Can we think about creating a society, not thinking of profits, but a strong one against porn, etc? Not in a very aggressive way, but in a way to help; rehabilitate and awaken society?
Special thanks to you to make me a little different in thinking and lifestyle. I respected women before, but I came to know what they really are through your work. Thanks for that.
God bless
Nijesh CR
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Tim (Pornography addiction) (male, 41, nurse, UK, YouTube, ZenBarracuda)
I started drinking when I was was 22. I quit drinking three years ago. I became addicted to porn when I was just 13. I think the only way I can possibly give it up now is by way of a cold, hard shock. I need a moment of clarity. I thank you for the work you are doing here. I will continue to view your information. If you succeed in preventing just one person from viewing porn then your efforts will have been worthwhile. Finally, let me just say, your kindness, love and compassion has touched my heart.
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TGB18GLYNN (Questioning pornography use) (male, 20, U.S., YouTube)
Wow. I came across your page and I'm really starting to question my pleasure for porn and why so many females are quick to do porn and degrade themselves for money. I'm also starting realize that men can be degraded in gay male sex, but in society we don't pay attention to that. i know I don't because I'm not into that type of stuff. I think there are so many straight guys like me who are attracted to these females that do porn, whether it be girl on boy or threesomes, and my favorite girl on girl, etc... So I guess what I'm saying is I'm starting to question why do I masturbate to these females who are willing to degrade themselves, when I know if had a daughter I would not want to see her perform sex with strangers for money!
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P3AC3B0Y (Pornography addiction) (male, 17, Norway, YouTube)
I want to say. I don't like porn. And in one way, I don't... still, I can't stop it! Still, I may be addicted. Nevertheless I'm against it!
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freakypapa (Pornography addiction) (male, 23, Malaysia, YouTube)
I'm a porn addict. I love everything about it. But... after seeing your videos I think I wanna change... It's too damn hard... Everything around us promotes sexuality from regular ads to hit TV shows.
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EPcentral (Pornography addiction) (male, 14, U.S., YouTube) (x)
Thank god someone is finally doing something about this. I'm only fourteen and I've been addicted to Internet porn for the last 2-3 years. I decided to stop after it began corrupting my mind and I was no longer able to really enjoy life. I have finally managed to stop recently, although it was incredibly difficult and it took about 7 months to completely get rid of the horrible thoughts.
If I can do anything to help please let me know.
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Allen (Pornography addiction. Lost his marriage because of it and risks losing his son) (male, 32, U.S., YouTube, freespeachrulez)
Pornography is progressive, addictive, and deadly. I know because it almost cost me my life, I lost a marriage because of it. I risk losing my son because of it.
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lorddagmawi (Pornography use harm) (male, YouTube)
After watching your videos about the porn industry, I decided to quit watching. After two years of my life I realized that porno ruined my life, and you helped me realize that. Thank you. You are my DR.PHIL!!!!!!!!
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